Skip Nav
Your Boob Size and 11 Other Ways to Tell If You're Having a Boy or a Girl
30 Questions to Ask Your Kid Instead of "How Was Your Day?"
Why We All Need to Stop Pretending We Know How to Parent Perfectly

Mommy Dearest: Black Tie Required Wedding, Even For Tots?

Mommy Dearest,

Our family was invited to a black tie wedding, which we will attend in a few weeks. Understanding that it's a formal affair, I purchased a long gown to wear and my husband is renting a tuxedo. But, I think the bride's request for even our 2-year-old son to wear a tux is ridiculous despite my offering for him to wear comfortable chinos and a button-up shirt. He's not even in the wedding. Should I tell her that my child isn't going to abide by the required pricey attire in advance or just dress him the way I see fit?

— Black Tie for Tots Is Beyond Reason

To see the response from Mommy Dearest,


Black Tie For Tots Is Beyond Reason,

While you raise valid points about your son's comfort level and the expense of renting or buying a two-year-old a tux, it's the bride's day and as a guest it's best to abide by her rules. Since you already addressed the issue and she wasn't accepting of your offer to dress your child in slacks and an oxford shirt, your only real option is to outfit him in a tux or not bring him to the festivities. You may also want to consider how kid-friendly this formal affair will actually be or if your youngster would be happier staying home with a sitter.

— Mommy Dearest

Submit a question for this feature at the Mommy Dearest Group on TeamSugar.

Join The Conversation
Nak-Nak Nak-Nak 8 years
I guess I don't even care about the fact that it is a wedding - it is a black tie event and all guests should dress accordingly. If you don't want to abide by the party rules, then don't go. Frankly, I can't imagine a black tie event would be much fun for a 2 year old, but that's just me. And as for whether having a black tie wedding says something about the bride: Having been a bridesmaid 10+ times, I can say venue/style/money spent doesn't determine whether or not a bride is a bridezilla. The bride does that all on her own.
conskieth conskieth 8 years
Weddings are momentous and are significant to people who are bound for each other. Accesories like cufflinks on weddings are considered add-ons to the art of the event. One of the most unforgettable moments in a persons life is his/her wedding.
Beauty Beauty 8 years
I wouldn't want to take a toddler to a black tie event in the first place. Go have grown-up fun and leave the wee one at home with a babysitter. You can dress the little guy up in a tux when he's much older!
Sunflower-Sutra Sunflower-Sutra 8 years
"...the day the bride and groom and their families have invited their loved ones to share in the couple becoming a family. " Could not agree more!! Our wedding was a fairly casual outdoor affair, and lots of people told us afterwards that was one of their favorite weddings they had been to. That being said, it doesn't sound like that's this bride's style and maybe it would be better if the little one were at home with a sitter (i know, easier said than done sometimes!) However, if you did bring your son in a regular suit (not a tux) what's she going to do? Kick him out??
sassy_chick sassy_chick 8 years
I agree... leave him at home, he probably wasn't invited. And it is not at all ridiculous to put an "attire" on an invitation. How will you let people know that it is formal or casual? And yes, you are right, lickety_split... god help your girls. It sounds like you're going to be the mother of the bride from hell.
plus_2_kid plus_2_kid 8 years
lickety_split -- 1st, yes, quotes "are" fun to use! 2nd, people give grownups instructions are how to dress all the freakin' time. Have you heard of business casual? Office dress codes? Aloha wear? Costume parties? etc etc etc.
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
we aren't assuming anything, we have evidence. she's giving instruction to grownups on how to dress. if her husband to be is her sole mate, he's a brat too. not sure why "you" gets to be in "quotes". oh wait, lol, that IS kind of "fun" :rotfl:
plus_2_kid plus_2_kid 8 years
Regardless of how you feel about the bride's request, to NOT dress him in a tux would be beyond rude since she has already specifically said "No" to your offer of chinos. 2 wrongs don't make a right. Leave the kid at home or suck it up. Why do you want to be as rude as you perceive the bride to be? ...and while we're at it, why does everyone assume the bride is a control freak? She and her husband may be in total agreement as to what type of event they want, and their parents might ALSO want a black tie soiree. Lay off the bride bashing lickety_split. Who cares how "you" see the event when it's not "your" wedding.
runningesq runningesq 8 years
Are you 100% sure he was even INVITED? Did the invite say Mr. and Mrs. Joe Schmo or Mr. and Mrs. Joe Schmo and Family ? I would just get a sitter so you and husby can enjoy a night out as a couple -- how much fun will you have a wedding if you are constantly chasing around a 2 year old??
Chouette4u Chouette4u 8 years
"personally, i think it's time for a little bridal smack down. unless you are 6, you're too old to play princess. these women need to get over themselves." ITA. If only people put as much effort and energy into their marriages as they do planning their "one special *me* day"...
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
lord help my girls when they get married, because i don't see the wedding as "the bride's day". i see it as the day the bride and groom and their families have invited their loved ones to share in the couple becoming a family. personally, i think it's time for a little bridal smack down. unless you are 6, you're too old to play princess. these women need to get over themselves.
kristyy kristyy 8 years
I agree with those that say leave the kid at home. Unless the bride has some kind of bond with your son, whether he's there or not, it's not a big deal to her. See it as a fancy night out without having to cater to your son, who will probably get cranky by the end of the night. And if he's in his terrible twos, he'll be making a scene. Save everyone the humiliation and leave him at home.
Chouette4u Chouette4u 8 years
Yeah and you might want to bring an extra tux just in case he spills something on himself! Seriously though, you should probably just leave him at home for this wedding. The cost of the babysitter will probably be less than the cost of the tux, and this does not sound like a kid friendly affair at all.
cheersdarlin916 cheersdarlin916 8 years
I would say leave the child at home. Don't spend the extra money because the marriage probably won't even last. Any bride that would expect children to wear a tux has some major control issues and that won't last long.
schnappycat schnappycat 8 years
Yes, I agree that you should abide by her rules. You might not like it, but it's her day and she has put tons of effort, thought, and money into making it her perfect day. Actually, I suggest leaving the child at home. You will save the money on the tux and likely will be able to enjoy yourself much more without running after an uncomfortable toddler.
snarkypants snarkypants 8 years
either get a tux or don't bring him. her wedding, her rules.
Things That Will Definitely Happen at a Latino Wedding
Airport Engagement Shoot
Josh Dallas and Ginnifer Goodwin Wedding Details
Solange Knowles-Inspired Wedding
From Our Partners
Latest Moms
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds