Skip Nav
My Parenting Style: Survivalist
Food and Activities
37 Scarily Cute Halloween Sweets
Kid Shopping
Baby's First Halloween: 82 Cute Costume Ideas

Mommy Dearest: Nanny Share Without Compensation?

Mommy Dearest,

I'm a stay-at-home mom with a part time nanny that helps out when I need to run errands, work out, lunch with friends or take a night out with my husband. She watches our two sons, ages 5 and 7, for $20 an hour. My best friend and I usually go to the gym together so she drops her six year old off at my house and the children play while we are away. He's well behaved and they get along great. My nanny always welcomes him, but told me yesterday that a playdate is one thing and my friend dropping her child off on a daily basis is another. She is willing to watch him, but expects to be compensated for it. I was taken back because we've had this arrangement for about a year and she never seemed to mind. Is it fair for her to ask for more money now?

— Should Nanny Get Compensated

To read the response from Mommy Dearest,


Should Nanny Get Compensated,

When you hired your babysitter it was with the understanding that she'd be tending to two children and that is how you negotiated an hourly rate. While a playdate is one thing, adding another child for her to care on a daily or frequent basis is quite another. In my opinion, it was very generous of her to watch him for free for this long. While it sounds like she is fond of the kids, you need to remember that this is her livelihood. Sit down with your nanny and your friend and come up with a new rate for the occasions when the little boy comes over. If your friend is not willing to pay, she should find another caretaker for her child.

— Mommy Dearest

Submit a question for this feature at the Mommy Dearest Group on TeamSugar.


Akidsnightin Akidsnightin 5 years
I am a professional nanny. $20 an hour is very good pay. However you hired your nanny to care for ONE child at $20 an hour. If your friend is dropping her child off regularly she should offer the nanny some money for the time in which her child will be in the home...especially if your friends child is being dropped off multiple times per week. Play dates are different. In most cases, both parents (or nannies) are present for the play date. Nannies do alot more than parents realize and additional duties without compensation can very quickly become a sore point...
smangtalk smangtalk 8 years
my first comment - yippee! I think $20/ hr for two kids sounds like the stay at home is getting a bargain already - throw in her friend's kid for a couple hours a day and she is ripping her nanny off! Of course she should be compensated! Think the going rate around here is $20 /hr for ONE kid...
pinklady8287 pinklady8287 8 years
Definitely agree with Mommy Dearest! She needs to be paid for the extra child.
leahcarter leahcarter 8 years
I can't even believe this is a real question. It seems so obvious that you are doing the wrong thing by your nanny! This nanny must have had such a hard time bringing this up. I'm sure she was worried she might lose her job all together if she rocked the boat. I'm so annoyed that you put her in the position where she felt she HAD to say something to you. If you value this woman and the service she provides in caring for YOUR children while you have some ME time I suggest you start thinking of a way to compensate her quick smart. Grrrr, you've made me angry 'Should Nanny be compensated'. The answer is 'HELL YES'.
Aphrosette Aphrosette 8 years
I have to say when I was a Nanny and other parents dropped off their children with me, I never asked but was ALWAYS paid extra. I never needed to ask! There were times when the house would feel more like a zoo then it would a home, but I was paid the same amount by every family that dropped off kids and walk away with close to $1000 for a few hours of watching kids. Honestly, I thought I was getting overpaid, and every family DID NOT need to pay me the same amount. Had we talked about it, we would have come up with some kind of salary but these families had money. However, I was grateful for the extra cash because every added kid made the situation a little more difficult. I would probably have quickly said something if I was getting the same rate for all the extra kids. The work load changes A LOT and that's just not fair. I can't believe the friends haven't figured this out on their own!
snowysakurasky snowysakurasky 8 years
WOW that is terrible Carly! I can't believe the person responsible for their children's well-being is not shown appreciation or respect by these parents! They sound weird so be prepared for a weird reaction when/if you bring this up. You can most definitely find a better paying job...but i do worry for the safety of the childrens since their parents dont seem to value their well-being very much! sad~ Back to the post.........i am torn because that's a high wage the nanny is making. If it was occasional, i think she shouldn't mind, because children actually entertain each other and make less work for the nanny, albeit more responsibility. I was a nanny and was totally happy to add another kid to the mix, as the mom had a friend with a child the same age as my charge, and there was never any talk of me getting paid more so it never crossed my mind (like i said, i enjoyed it, probably because the little boy was no longer asking me 'why' questions constantly while his friend was there!) I am thinking that your nanny is having a negative (maybe just exhausting) experience when the other kid comes over, and if its a regular thing, she probably just doesn't appreciate it and recognizes that your friend is getting a free ride while she is working harder for nothing. Not fair when you think about it that way!
CarlyHP226685 CarlyHP226685 8 years
I started babysitting for 2 kids both under 5 years old, in january @ $10 an hour + money for food when the parents went out for dinner. Since July, they have been paying me on average $5 an hour...for no reason. I've taught their kids how to talk, walk, eat, and potty trained the older one, and i work 11 hours a day 3 days a week for them Now as a 21 year old college student I really can live on that. I've told them that I need more money because i'm always broke but they dont get the hints and im too shy i guess to just flat out say "hey I need at least $10 an hour or you can find someone else" so i understand why she thought that was hard to do. Its been 4 months of under minimum wage for me and i still dont have the guts or the right words to tell them that.
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
yeah, agree with everyone else and thinking that the nanny has been stewing about this for quite awhile. if you want to keep your nanny happy i would pony up an extra $10 an hour for the times she watches the additional child (of course ask if she thinks this is okay) and get her a gift certificate for the misunderstanding of the past year. good nannies are so hard to find and you wouldn't want to risk losing her over something like this, would you?
Greggie Greggie 8 years
I would never have thought to bring up "extra kids on a daily basis" when discussing salary when I nannied. I also have doubts that the person asking this was truly blind-sided. There's no way it couldn't have occurred to someone that it is incredibly rude to take advantage of someone that way. It sounds more like it was a set-up by her and her friend to get some free babysitting out of the nanny and she got caught.
quivondra quivondra 8 years
totygoliguez - I'm agreeing... I'm just saying that the nanny SHOULD have stated this up front when discussing rates in the first place, not after having already taken care of the extra child(ren) for no extra pay for all this time (she states a year above?) Since she didn't, it comes off a bit unprofessional and, frankly, passive aggressive. The real problem here is lack of communication all around. To start, I would have asked a nanny how much she charges per hour plus how much if I have her take care of an additional child so I can go out with a friend. I'd then assume my friend would offer to pay the difference... unless she's a cheapskate, in which case, next time I'd let her nanny take my kids for free for a few hours. Considering you're having someone be a large part of your child's life, you'd think you'd both feel comfortable talking about such issues. It all sounds so awkward to bring this issue up after all this time. Mommy Dearest is right.. but I'd make sure to blow this conversation out and see what further expectations the nanny has (like raises in the future, etc.) so you're not blind-sided by this again.
ldsims ldsims 8 years
Your friend is so cheap, she knew what she was doing.
amers230 amers230 8 years
i agree with mommy dearest, she should obviously get paid more. and i don't see why she's taken aback by her asking now, maybe she just didn't care before but once she realized how often it was happening she decided she didn't like that. i do that a lot. something doesn't bug me for awhile then all of a sudden it's too much to deal with. makes sense to me. and yikes, 20 bucks an hour? i only babysit occasionally but i get 10 an hour and though that was more than generous lol.
techkim techkim 8 years
it sounds like the "friend" is taking advantage for free childcare. Its not free because its a lot of work. I know I watch 12 kids during the work week.
lovelie lovelie 8 years
When I used to babysit for my neighbors on a regular basis, it was usually so they could go out with friends. Typically, those friends would have kids as well, and need to be watched. The lady I babysat for ALWAYS cleared it with me, and I was always paid more as well. This is just common respect. The nanny shouldn't have even had to ask, it should have been addressed up front by the mom. Not to be harsh, but that is being quite the opportunist.
litbear221 litbear221 8 years
Okay as a nanny myself I totally agree with mommy dearest. I usually watch one little girl, but sometimes a friend comes over and I get paid for that too by the friends parents. Trust me a jump from one to two is a huge jump, let alone two to three kids! I have also watched the occasional 3 because the little girl i watch has a pair of friends that are twins, talk about a hand full! I have to say I can't believe that the other mother who was dropping off her child didn't offer money when she came back from her workout or whatnot, especially if it is all the time. This is unfair to the nanny for sure! $20 is not unheard of for 2 kids in San Francisco, I usually get $30 for 2, I get paid $15 for one of the girls I watch and $13 for the other. My other friends who work as nannies, which is a lot at the moment, get anywhere between $13 to 20 PER CHILD, so I think $20 for two is a steal!
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
Um yes you pay her for the extra kid! You wouldnt drop off two outfits at the cleaners and expect to get charged for one!
lauraxtc lauraxtc 8 years
I agree with Mommy dearest.
jessie jessie 8 years
completely agree with mommy dearest!
katedavis katedavis 8 years
When I first read the letter I thought the trips to the gym were once a week and even then it was common sense the nanny should get paid more- if the friend were to find other arrangements for her kid she would have to pay. Then after reading the comments I realized this is an every day occurrence! I can only imagine the struggle the poor nanny went through in finally getting the courage to say something.
skigurl skigurl 8 years
a stay at home mom with a nanny? must be nice anyway, she probably only recently got the courage to ask and has found herself needing the extra money, like many others it's only fair. have the other mom throw in 20$ when she drops off her child.
Mykie7 Mykie7 8 years
I'm completely with Mommy Dearest and I'm a LITTLE shocked that the good friend didn't think there was a problem with it herself. If you ask me the friend is using you AND your nanny.
joygwilson joygwilson 8 years
i agree, the mother of the third child should have offered LONG ago to pay the nanny something, obviously. I would think it should have been common sense!
HipMom HipMom 8 years
On a daily basis? Honestly, I am surprised you are even asking for an opinion on this. I think deep down you always knew that this wasn't right and you are just taken aback that she brought it up now. I totally agree with the Nanny and Mommy Dearest. If your friend wants to go to the gym every day she should either use the gym's childcare of find a sitter of her own. Otherwise you are both taking advantage of your nanny.
Greggie Greggie 8 years
Also, $20 an hour for a nanny is pretty standard here. Which is why I don't have one. *lol*
Why Day Care Is Not the Same as School
How to Keep a Babysitter
New Mom Isolation
Loving Someone Else's Child Like Your Own
From Our Partners
Latest Moms
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds