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Mommy Dearest: Rude to Tell That You Returned Gift?

Mommy Dearest,

I sent my godson a scooter for his birthday and just received a thank-you note saying that he returned the present because he preferred something else. I don't mind that he exchanged the gift since I just guessed that the ride on was something a nine-year-old would like, but I thought mentioning it in the note was rather rude. We live in different states and I never would have known had he not told me. Am I right?

— Didn't Need to Know About Returned Gift

To see the response from Mommy Dearest,


Didn't Need to Know About Returned Gift,

I think the sole purpose of a thank-you note is to acknowledge a gift that has been given and show appreciation for the kind gesture. Mentioning a gift was returned or exchanged for whatever reason is not necessary unless the giver inquires about it.

— Mommy Dearest

Submit a question for this feature at the Mommy Dearest Group on TeamSugar.


Carla2937393 Carla2937393 5 years
It's not a crime to mention in the note they exchanged it, but if I opened a thank you note expecting to be told how grateful the person that I thought enough of  to purchase them a gift.. it would disappoint me that they took it back. Why not just say it   "thanks but no thanks, you haven't  the foggiest idea how to select a proper present for our little darling.. " .. how shallow and short sighted can you be. A correspondence like that, especially from another state is a treat, don't make mention of  taking the gift back, it will only make the person think, wow they didn't like my gift so much they mentioned it in the thank you note, gee it was really nice to hear from you...
clareberrys clareberrys 8 years
I don't know whether it was rude or not. Unnecessary- probably. But sometimes it is okay to tell a person you are returning their gift. for example this year for christmas my brother gave my bf and I a DVD of a movie we absolutely hate. RIght before he gave it to us he said 'have you seen ____ " and we were like yeah we hated it. And then he was like oh well that's what i got you you can return it. And we did. But I am close to my brother so it is understandable and he was not offended at all. I think if the OP isn't offended by the exchange then it doesn't really matter if the mentioning of it is rude or not.
kimsy kimsy 8 years
If the parents wrote the letter, I think it's rude. As another poster said, the purpose of a thank you note is to thank someone for a kind gesture, not to inform them that their gift choice was sub-par. If the kid wrote it, you can't really hold it against him. He is a nine-year old, and I'd be impressed that a kid that young even wrote a note. My mom is a FREAK about thank you notes and started us on them pretty young, and I'm sure I wrote some questionable things every now and again. But I'm also sure she gave it a once-over before she sent it.
snowysakurasky snowysakurasky 8 years
i agree with previous poster that while it was awkward to mention that, the god kid's parents probably were trying to avoid a possible future SUPER awkward situation.
MissSushi MissSushi 8 years
She says, I would never have known had he not told me.. that implies the 9 year old wrote the thank you note, right? I think it was fairly rude, but a little more understandable if it was a child writing it. I probably would have proof read what my son was sending out, though.
PinkUnicorn PinkUnicorn 8 years
I think it's rude, but then again I think it is extremely rude to exchange a present unless it doesn't fit (like clothes) or is broken.
jessie jessie 8 years
i think it was rude. but thats MO.
krae85 krae85 8 years
It is rude and unnecessary. A thank you note is to say thanks, not I exchanged it for something else.
runningesq runningesq 8 years
Rude! Would you tell someone who gave you something for your wedding that you returned it for something else? (I hope that's rhetorical). People usually take time to pick out a gift, and in most cases, a white lie is best.
kikidawn kikidawn 8 years
I don't think it was appropriate to mention in the thank you note. Maybe mention it in passing over the phone or something. Eh Greggie, I hadn't even thought about Matel starting to have them instead. I hope not. I can't stand those dolls.
vmruby vmruby 8 years
Hell yeah it was rude.Like the OP said they live in different states so no one would have been the wiser.I would have never thought of writing something like that in a thank you note. If the person who gave the gift asked if he liked it or not then that's a different story.If she didn't ask then IMO it wasn't necessary to add that in. Her godson's mother should have stuck to her thank you for the gift and left it at that.
Greggie Greggie 8 years
But she didn't complain that he didn't like it, she even says she doesn't mind. She's just wondering why it was in the thank-you note. Bratz dolls aren't likely to be gone, though. Unfortunately. Matel won, they'll probably start marketing them under their label instead. *Tangent. ;)
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
Okay, not "rude" but if you are going to complain that the kid didnt like it, than maybe next time find out what they want, and feelings wont get hurt. I always ask the parents what the kids want, I dont want to ever get them anything that a) they will just discard or b) the parents will have to put up with ie:loud obnoxious toys,something they might find innappropriate like the now gone Bratz dolls.
Greggie Greggie 8 years
I think it's rude to say it in a thank-you note. A thank-you note is to thank the person for the present and the thought, not the place to say "But I didn't like it so I exchanged it." I think the better way for the parent to have handled this was to send the thank-you note for the gift and then later mention that they exchanged it if they felt the gift-giver needed to know. I don't think it's at all rude to not ask before buying a child something.
Sarana Sarana 8 years
I don't think it was rude, but I do find it strange especially because you live far apart. But at least they were honest! CG, how can you find it rude she didn't ask what the kid wanted? Maybe the kid didn't know or they names a gift above her budget. A present is a present, they should be thankful if they thought it rude for her to buy something the child didn't like than they would never get a present from me again!
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
I actually think its rude to not ask the parents before you buy a kid a gift, what the kid wants.....
momma-tikita momma-tikita 8 years
I agree with wasn't rude at all.
iieee_grrl iieee_grrl 8 years
I actually think it was nice to tell.. I'd rather know that they got something that they could use or want rather than a line of B.S. "Oh, I loved the..." if they really didn't love it. If they had just written "Thank you for the scooter it was nice of you" she'd probably be complaining that the letter was cold, at least the kid is comfortable enough (or so he thought) to be honest.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
I dont think it was rude to tell you, unless it went something like "that gift was lame, I got something else" because in the future when you ask him if he is enjoying it, or if you visit him and dont see it its better to know that he did get something he wanted out of you in the long run, then "where is that scooter" ...and "oh i returned it sorry"
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