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Mommy Dearest: Wants Boyfriend to Be at Baby's Birth

Mommy Dearest: Wants Boyfriend to Be at Baby's Birth

Mommy Dearest,

I am due with my first child on Sept. 13 and am completely accepting of the fact that I likely overshoot this due date. My boyfriend has been supportive the entire pregnancy and very vocal about how he wishes to be in the delivery room, which I am happy to hear! Unfortunately his side of the family suffered the loss of grandmother recently. We will attend the memorial service this weekend, but the burial will take place the weekend after my due date.

The place is about six hours away, so I obviously cannot go if I have not given birth yet, but my boyfriend has made it clear that he will go whether the baby is here or not! I am terrified of being alone for the labor and delivery if he cannot make it back in time. My mother will be there for the delivery, but I have always looked at her being there as more of a secondary support person and am counting on my him to be there so we can experience it together. Since it is my first delivery, it may take a long time and he might make it back in time, but that is not a chance I want to take! Am I being selfish for wanting him to stay home from what would be the second memorial service for his grandmother? How do I approach this topic with him?

— Want Boyfriend There For Birth

To see the response from Mommy Dearest,


Want Boyfriend There For Birth,

You are not selfish — you're a soon-to-be mom who wants to experience the birth of her child with the baby's father. It is completely understandable that you wish and rely on him to be present at the life-changing event. I would approach the topic by telling him how you feel and being supportive in regards to him losing his grandmother. You may also consider having other dads talk to him about their birth experiences and why they think it would be appropriate for him to stay home from the burial if it comes to that point. Good luck!


– Mommy Dearest

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Source: Flickr User salimfadhley


Join The Conversation
jessie jessie 8 years
talk to him. be honest with your feelings. don't guilt trip him either. in the end it will all work out. good luck to all of you!
lildorothyparker lildorothyparker 8 years
If the father of my future child chose not to be at the birth I would be angry (probably irrationally angry because in this hypothetical situation I would be pregnant and lord knows what I'd be like with those extra hormones). Her boyfriend is making a choice to potentially not to be at the birth. Fathers in service don't make a choice to miss the birth of their children. What if it was the mother's grandparent who recently died? She can't turn off being pregnant to attend a funeral. It takes two people to make a baby so why should he be let off the hook just because he's not doing the pushing? Oh and I agree with lickety split.
plus_2_kid plus_2_kid 8 years
Express how you feel. But then try not to get too worked up about it (I'm due Sept. 11th and understand how hoard it is to NOT get emotional about EVERYTHING right now) Hope it doesn't end up mattering. 6 hours away sounds like he will be gone for 1 day (24 hours) maximum. Just hope it doesn't matter. There's a very good chance the baby won't come while he's gone. He can be there via cell phone giving you support. Find a solution that won't make him choose loyalties. ....As for all the comments about the grandmother wanting him to be at the birth instead of the funeral, well we know NOTHING about the family relationship with the expectant mom etc. etc. While I think it is nice to think the grandmother would want him at the birth that might not be the case at all. Who knows, she might have been against the baby if she was extremely traditional and conservative.
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
if he would rather be somewhere else, that tells you EVERYTHING you need to know about what is important to you vs. him. guess what? not the same!
Ericka Ericka 8 years
No offense, but Grandma is gone and your baby will be here in life! I'm betting Grandma would think he was an idiot for missing out on such a special once in a lifetime event. The three of you can go visit her grave later and pay your respects.
FrankiLee FrankiLee 8 years
I don't think you are going to "force" or "guilt" him into anything either. If what you want to do is approach the topic and let him make his own decision, that is the best thing you can do. I definitely do not think it is selfish of you to feel this way, any mother wants their child's father to be present at the birth of their baby. I know that it was very important to me. I think letting him make the decision is the best thing you can do, and tell him how you feel. I know that many fathers have missed their child's birth and of course their relationship with their child is fine, but it is an extremely special time in a parent's life, and I don't think you are selfish at all for wanting him to be there to experience it also.
snarkypants snarkypants 8 years
i think it's really selfish and i agree with iieee. this could cause trouble later in the relationship. and like dani said, by dad wasn't really there for my birth. the brewers were in the world series, so he was running back and forth from the delivery room to the waiting room where there was a tv. and he's still the greatest dad ever :)
iieee_grrl iieee_grrl 8 years
I personally think it's awful for anyone to guilt someone into missing a funeral for their own reasons, yes - even the birth of a baby. We each have to grieve in our own way, and forcing him to miss his grandmother's burial could cause serious resentment that could prove cancerous in the relationship.
dani17731 dani17731 8 years
It's not just a "second memorial service", it's the burial, as you stated at first. I think it's a little selfish, but you're entitled to feel that way. If your boyfriend was close to his grandmother, then of course he'll want to go, and since this is your first child, of course you'd want him to be there. It's a tough place for your boyfriend to be, but ultimately, it's his choice, and I would advise you not guilt him into being there with you. And btw, I've know three fathers, in the military, that missed their kid's births. Sure they wanted to be there, but it didn't affect the relationship they have with their child. My dad was asleep when I was born, and we get along just fine. :)
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