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Rude Comments on Pregnancy

babysugar Diaries: Insults

If you've ever been pregnant, then you're probably all too familiar with the unsolicited remarks that strangers and friends feel compelled to share with you. Until recently, random people on the street were the biggest offenders. One Starbucks barista was brazen enough to ask if I was just carrying one child. When I confirmed that I was indeed pregnant with a single baby, he said something along the lines of, "Maybe you've got like nine in there! Like an alien! And you could be on Oprah and have lots of people send you free stuff!" WHAT!? I think someone had a little crazy juice with his lattes that morning.

Now, my friends have joined in on the insult game as well. The other day one of my girlfriends said, "You look different this pregnancy. Last time you were more pointed out and this time I think you're wider." Unaware that her comments were upsetting me, I let it slide. The next time someone pipes up, I'll be tempted to say, "You know what? You look wider, too!" In my last few weeks of pregnancy I may become more cheeky with my responses because pregnant or not, nobody should have to endure, "You look wider" comments.


Join The Conversation
mamataylor mamataylor 8 years
Im only 3 months along and have gotten bigger which I wasn't expecting, I guess. I didn't think I'd show until later due to family history. While looking in the mirror I asked my husband if he noticed that my baby belly was bigger and he said "yeah.. have you looked at your butt? it's bigger too." Talk about insensitive. He meant to be funny but like some have said, not all women enjoy being frumpy at the beginning. But I don't think we should have to deal with rude comments. And touching a pregnant woman's belly... ooh. Especially if you dont know her. That's ruder than anything.
ellenw ellenw 8 years
Calm it down all! Pregnancy is beautiful, and you HAVE to realize no one means any harm by this. Be proud of your changes and show em Ellen
momma-tikita momma-tikita 8 years
mesayme...i'm with you on that edit button!!! please!!! LOL! Anywho.. i always got bad comments and good ones. The random people coming to you, rubbing your belly without even telling you anything, telling what you HAVE to do....its really uncomfortable while your preggers. when i was pregnant i felt like it wasnt even my body...i was 8 months pregnant..gained 40 pounds and it was all in the belly. literally. i stayed suuper skinny..and people would compliment and then there were some that were just plain rude saying things like "You know you should really eat more...the baby needs everything" and i think "no fucking shit lady...thanks for that" but what i say is "yes yes thank you i know". and i noticed that most comments came from old ladies.why? idk! but i agree with Greggie...a rude comment opens your eyes completely. I am rude when i have to be when people come up to me and tell me comments about me or my kids.
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
*DO the trick... I hope we get an edit button for Christmas :fingerscrossed:
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
Yeah, it's weird. I guess it didn't bother me as much because I've always lived in the south and people here do that (I do too) all the time, pregnant or not. I've had strangers hug me, grab my hand and stop me to tell me 'how old are you? you have such nice skin.' That's probably because my daughter is 14 and taller than me :D We don't mind telling each other if something not quite right with each other if we are friendly with each other (like at work, or a familiar store employee) I guess I'm desensitized to it. As a matter of fact, the 'big mommas' at church when I was little probably cured me of it or are the reason I stay out of the public as much as possible. :D I'm desensitized to it, but I still hate attention to my looks for any reason, so I completely understand the objections and I try not to say anything unless they initiate. Usually a 'be well' will go the trick. LOL
Greggie Greggie 8 years
I got a lot of both comments. People at work seemed to be the worst at tactless comments, but they were when it came to non-pregnancy comments as well. With my first two, it was like my belly was a free-for-all everywhere I went. Touching me, giving advice, etc. (Seriously, what makes a guy at a baseball game greet me with "Get some sleep while you can, and don't let that baby sleep with you!!"? Had never met him, hadn't spoken a word to him, he seriously took one look at me and yelled that out. Anyway...) With my third, I must've perfected the "back off" vibe with strangers, and it was so much more peaceful.
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
What kinda people do you all know? I was pregnant 3 times and only rec'd compliments and nice greetings. Now, behind my back is the same as any other time...but people were supportive and sweet to me, and I felt beautiful even when my (ex) husband was the only a$$. He was the only mean one. :shrug:
Greggie Greggie 8 years
And a random side note - I am so jealous of the belly on the woman in the photo. It's gorgeous.
Greggie Greggie 8 years
I agree with macgirl - that is an excellent comeback, it's just hard to think that clearly at 8 months pregnant. It's hard to remember your own name at 8 months pregnant. I can't tell you how many times I introduced myself by my maiden name at that point of pregnancy, my brain was just shot.
macgirl macgirl 8 years
That is a fantastic comeback hithatsmybike, unfortunately unless you've been 36 weeks pregnant it's really hard to get it. I think it's really hard to keep that positive attitude when you're self conscious about that double chin and the fact that your ass is twice the size it normally is ;-) And while most know what their getting into it's just an overwhelming process that plays havoc on your body and mind.
hithatsmybike hithatsmybike 8 years
why couldn't she just respond, "and it FEELS like I'm carrying 9 babies too!". That's the best comeback!!
Greggie Greggie 8 years
And "one of the nicer comebacks someone can make" is referring to the many thoughts with profanities that go through one's mind at the end of pregnancy and being sick of it all. As in one of the nicer snips, not the nicer polite comeback.
Greggie Greggie 8 years
I could very well answer that way, my point is just that at 8 months pregnant, uncomfortable, hormonal, and tired of hearing it for the 184th time that day, a snitty comment would be totally understandable. Sometimes, rudeness gets the point across much better. A lot of people, as this thread shows, merely answer with "That wasn't nice and it hurt my feelings" with "Oh just count your damn blessings and be happy!!" So yes, I think that sometimes rudeness does change the next interaction. And much like a friend should've been able to gauge babysugar's feelings to know not to say the "wide" comment in the first place, maybe babysugar can gauge her friend to know if rudeness or education will work better. Before people close to me had kids, I had no idea why comments about the belly size would be offensive. And hearing "that hurt my feelings" would've given me a "whatever, hormones!!" reaction. Hearing "yeah you look pretty wide too" would've made me rethink the whole thing. Unfortunately no one was kind enough to educate me until it came to my sister's pregnancies, so I'm sure I offended more than one person in my time.
facin8me facin8me 8 years
I'm not judging your status as a Christian Greggie. I'm just surprised that with all of the wisdom you have doled out here, that you would not take the opportunity to help people understand why they are being offensive in real life. Why wouldn't you just say "that kind of comment isn't nice for a pregnant woman to hear?" Where would rudeness get you? Do you think it would change that person's next interaction with a pregnant woman? Wouldn't a little education go a lot farther than a snippy comment?
momma-tikita momma-tikita 8 years
"hithatsmybike" you just said "i say it all the time around my friends". thats totally ok. But when complete starngers come up to you and tell you that it looks like your carrying 9 kids...c'mon! thats rediculous...and when you get pregnant and people start coming up to you on the street and telling you all kinds of things THEN you can come and say that you shouldnt take it offensive. Yes getting big comes with being pregnant but that doesnt give people the right to say the things they say. ESPECIALLY people (like starbucks barista) that dont even know you! BabySugar..get some strong skin..because after two kids i still get those rude comments!
hithatsmybike hithatsmybike 8 years
I really don't get why "you're getting so huge/big/round/whatever" is offensive? I'm so guilty of saying these things to my friends, but it's always been a point of laughter and they'd agree that they were gigantimous. As someone that makes these comments, I speak on behalf of my people, we mean no harm! When I get pregnant, people can comment on the size of my belly all they want.. I'm just hoping I don't gain weight in my face and get like a double chin. If people comment on THAT I'd be mad. But belly? You're belly is supposed to be huge, there's a person in there.
roxtarchic roxtarchic 8 years
i dont think you COULD make me understand how it's petty and whiney to have your feelings hurt by a thoughtless pregnancy comment, it doesnt mean you're not happy that you're pregnant that you dont feel blessed, it means you have feelings, not that you're self involved (altho being self involved does kind of go hand in hand w/the whole pregnancy thing but i think that's a good thing, you need to be self involved, you have to be in tune w/your body and your baby's). i think anyone thinking that they can say anything they want and someone should be flattered... because they're pregnant and they meant well... i dont agree w/that. it's never kindness to say, you're WIDE this time, maybe if they said... you're carrying different this time around... and left it at that... it would've been fine. just an opinion
foxie foxie 8 years
I think they should reserve their feelings for times when people are actually being hurtful, not when people are just trying to be friendly. It's so offensive the stupid little trivial things some people complain about, and I'm not just talking about pregnant women. If your friend is hurting your feelings, either deal with it because she's trying to be nice, or just SAY something to her about it. Preferably not in the rude way that babysugar has resolved to resort to. I've said all I need to say and I really don't see how else to make people understand how petty and whiney it looks to be "hurt" over something that is a GOOD thing. Let me just part by saying thank God I'm not friends with people who are so self involved as to not accept my kindness for what it is.
roxtarchic roxtarchic 8 years
i don't think it's being "inconvenienced" by being pregnant, i think it's that people are excited for you... and dont often express it w/a filter (as someone mentioned above). combined w/the fact that you're hearing comments from complete "strangers" probably on a daily basis, then to have a friend unknowingly insult you... is almost a double insult because she should KNOW better, or she should be more sensitive... as a friend. other issues aside, and i'm sorry for everyone who's had to deal w/the loss that some of you have mentioned, one persons perception of an insult is no big deal to someone else... and not knowing how someone will react... (especially w/a hormonal pregnant woman who will laugh it off or not depending on the day) it's just better not to say something of a "size" nature...
Greggie Greggie 8 years
You're the one putting them together by saying women who are pregnant should just suck it up and be happy. I get that you think pregnant women should just feel blessed, you've made that clear. I believe they're also perfectly entitled to feel upset, frustrated, and hurt.
foxie foxie 8 years
They're not even comparable situations, and honestly I don't know why you're trying to compare them. The whole point is that a pregnant woman should feel blessed to have a changing body and friends who care, because not everyone has/can have that.
Greggie Greggie 8 years
And if the pregnant woman doesn't consider it a compliment, she is not in the wrong. It's HER feelings. Friends who say "It was for the best" for a miscarriage mean the best as well, doesn't make it an acceptable comment or make it hurt any less.
foxie foxie 8 years
Greggie, friends who say "WOW! You've gotten so big!" obviously aren't trying to make a negative comment. They're saying the baby is getting big, which is a compliment.
foxie foxie 8 years
I don't need to know everyone's personal story. If you act inconvenienced by your big stomach and people who obviously take a sincere interest in your pregnancy and your growing baby, you ARE acting unappreciative. I think anyone who is so self absorbed as to be offended by an inquisitive pal or stranger really just needs to grow up. Like I said, not all of us get to have that kind of attention.
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