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Schools Ban Birthday Talk

Kiddie Soirée: No Party Talk Rule at School?

Kiddie parties are not welcome in the classroom. When I was growing up, getting invited to a birthday bash was a big deal. At school, everyone chatted about the upcoming events and all they would involve.

But things change — many schools now have a "no party rule" where kids are banned from discussing social get togethers of any kind — sleepovers, playdates and birthday parties — from school ground conversations. At first, it sounds like a ridiculous rule, but I think it sets an example and makes life easier for the teachers, parents and the students themselves. While I'm sure the tots find other places to dish on the happenings, at least it keeps those who are not on the guest list from feeling alienated at school.

Do you think the "no party talk" rule at school makes the grade?

Greggie Greggie 9 years
No. The point is that the children who do break the silly rule aren't likely to have parents who care. The parents aren't likely to be at home saying "It's not nice to say that, please keep it to yourself." There's not going to be any follow up, it's not going to clear up the situation. Making it a school rule because the parents didn't do anything isn't a logical solution to this particular problem, in my opinion. I have the feeling you're reading far more into my point than was intended. This is only one reason why I think the rule is silly, and a small reason. My answer about enforcing was a general answer, not specific to this rule.
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
Greggie, I have to admit I'm just not understanding the logic here. Because you enforce rules with your children, schools should never be allowed to impose rules that other parents clearly aren't enforcing...?
Greggie Greggie 9 years
I enforce school rules all the time by discussing them with my children, following up, and making sure they're doing what they're supposed to do. I enforce it by making my child do the punishment the school hands out. If the school gives detention after school, that means I'd have to sign the release, arrange for transportation, etc. That's enforcing it. Not solely, but it does fall on the parents as well.
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
Val - I'm just saying it's silly to call it a ridiculous rule since the bad parents won't follow it. They obviously had to institute a school rule so the teachers could enforce it BECAUSE the bad parents weren't enforcing it on their own.
Aphrosette Aphrosette 9 years
Coming from a teachers perspective here, there is a fine line when it comes to the party thing. I teach in a very small school (there are only ten kids in the class and only 2 classes.) We have been thinking about having a party rule added to our PARENT handbook because generally the kids aren't why there is a problem, its the parents. We actually had one parent invite 9 of the 10 children in the class (for God knows what reason) and of course the 1 found out about being the only one not invited and in kindergarten there is no reason for that. The kids aren't old enough yet to understand not liking someone. And this was not the only problem that occurred that is causing us to consider a party rule. Now I'm not saying that all parents are going to cause a problem, but at least one or two are and the schools need to look at how they are going to handle it. Given the small size of our school the party rule will end up being an all or none type of rule.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
whatever the rules are ANYWHERE my kids know they are expected to follow them. be that at a friends house, church or school, if i'm there or not. speaking out of turn, not sharing, etc., all rules they understand that they are expected to follow. and there are consequences at home when my children do not. my dad calls it "fear of god", lol. if your children were swearing at school would you really say "how can i do anything? i'm not even there!". guessing you would come up with a way to make sure that didn't happen again.
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
It's a school rule. Parents don't enforce school rules while their children are in school. Teachers do. How would parents enforce a rule governing what their children discuss while in school?
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
my girls are in private school and there aren't any parents that can't afford a birthday party for the whole class, in fact the parties are sometimes over the top (last one was a back yard circus). the policy works at our school because that kind of behavior results in the child being given a slip to take home to the parents and that slip means the parents have 5 hours of volunteer duty added to their obligation for the year. a few of those slips and you'd be surprised how quick the parents tow the line, lol. turns out they like their free time :)
Dbtabm Dbtabm 9 years
I understand the rule and understand that kids can be cruel but it seems like we're wrapping our kids in bubble wrap. Sometimes you have to deal with real life situations. It's up to the parents to decide how they teach their children kindness and politeness. I hate to think of a child having their feelings hurt but I also think this must take up valuable time for the teacher that they might want to spend on something like TEACHING.
Greggie Greggie 9 years
"These rules are being made for the "give me that toy or you're not coming to my party" and "I'm inviting everyone but YOU because you're a crybaby" or whatever kind of kids..." Whose parents aren't likely to care about the rule anyway, making it even more ridiculous, as I stated above.
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
When my son had his first birthday party after starting preschool, I talked to his teachers and was actually a little surprised to find out it was ok for me to leave invitations in cubbies even though we weren't inviting the whole class. But, in retrospect, I guess it's actually a little more low-key than handing invites to other parents while we're all dropping off or picking up our kids. While I agree that kids need a little reality and not being invited to every party is certainly reality, I think one thing you have to remember is that the kids who are learning manners at home and are just discussing upcoming events with friends aren't the kids these rules are being made for. These rules are being made for the "give me that toy or you're not coming to my party" and "I'm inviting everyone but YOU because you're a crybaby" or whatever kind of kids...
Greggie Greggie 9 years
I completely agree, schnappy. Our school's never said to invite the whole class but they (completely understandably) won't pass out invitations unless there's one for every student. Not that I'd ever ask them to. I think this rule pushes inviting the whole class, though.
schnappycat schnappycat 9 years
I really don't think I understand being forced to invite the entire class to your private party. First off, it's your free time and your life and you shouldn't be told how to spend it. Plus, what if your kid really doesn't like a few of the kids? So they have to either have kids they don't like ruin their big fun day or not even have a party? That seems very strange to me. Not to mention the expense of it all. Do schools really tell parents they should do this? Wow, times have changed...
Greggie Greggie 9 years
It seems rather discriminating to the parents who can't afford full classes to have an "only discuss full class parties" rule. If they can't afford to invite the class, their child doesn't get the joy of talking about it to his/her friends. Whereas if you can afford it, your child gets to gloat left and right. There's a lesson in politeness to be taught in who you talk about it with and who you don't, and it's one I very carefully teach my kids. But to outlaw it altogether, no way. It is definitely a lesson best taught at home. Which makes having a school rule on it even more ridiculous. A child who learned that at 6 it's ok to say "Everyone's invited but you" isn't likely to have parents who are going to give a hoot about the rule anyway.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
we have a rule at my girls school that you cannot discuss birthday parties unless either all the boys/girls in the class or everyone in the class is invited. i am happy with it. then if you don't invite everyone they never know, i don't have to take my kid to a party if i don't like that family (the invitation comes in the mail and they never know), and my girls don't know if they aren't invited. there is one family at the school that i cannot stand and unfortunately they have girls in my girls classes. the children are rude and gossipy and say things like "i'm having a party and everyone is invited but YOU!" this was said on the first day of first grade to a new student. at 6, sorry that comes from home, and just one example. anyway, the first grader was very upset and there was another round of "please keep your not everyone is invited parties to yourself" letters that went home. it's different when the kids are older and have opinions on who they want to spend their time with, but for the little ones, sadly some parents don't have any manners so they need some direction. i remember another time when my middle daughter was in brownies and most of the other girls had sleeping bags for the sleep over that they and their sisters were invited to. my daughter wasn't included because they didn't want her autistic sister there (as if i would bring her). that's another example of how clueless the party invitation thing can be. my 6 year old cried all the way home from that meeting, which btw was our last one.
anniekim anniekim 9 years
martini--my daughter's school does the same, if the parent sends in a special snack for the class. They sing birthday songs, give a gift (a book) and wear a crown. The kids love it! They don't do it if the parents don't step up, though. Which makes sense as some parent's might not want this for their child. Still not the same as a full blown party.
MartiniLush MartiniLush 9 years
I'm with schnappycat, greggie and gaylag77! Sheesh, I wasn't included in every party that happened when I was growing up and I survived... Isn't growing up all about learning life lessons and how to cope with disappointment? I have a 4 year old, and his preschool actually does a party for each kid's birthday for his class. At afternoon snack time they have a special snack and play a game to recognise the birthday child! Pretty cool, but the preschool is way small, so easy to do.
Greggie Greggie 9 years
Jenny Jen, some parents can't afford full party classes and need "to be selective." I'm not going to exclude my son's best friend because I can't afford to invite 25 other students.
Greggie Greggie 9 years
I completely agree with schnappycat. I encourage my son not to talk about his parties at school, but to make it a school rule? I think that's ridiculous. What if their paper topic is "Weekend plans"? Can they get detention for writing about their upcoming party because the paper's posted on the wall? And yeah, it's a lesson that you aren't always included in everything, which I think is an important lesson.
millarci millarci 9 years
I know that this is going to sound really mean, but I think kids need a douse of reality. In school, kids get separated into different categories. Some kids will get invited to parties and others won't. It's a hard reality to accept, but it's not going to change anytime soon. Plus I think there are more important things to worry about in life. I second what gaylag77 said.
gaylag77 gaylag77 9 years
I totally agree with schnappycat, kids need develop thicker skins.
JennyJen2 JennyJen2 9 years
I find this funny because we were just going through one of my husband's 1st grade notebooks and the teacher would hand out announcements and just about every announcment included an invite to so and so's party! So 30 years ago teachers were announcing the parties now parent's being selective has caused this type of rule :(
schnappycat schnappycat 9 years
I really don't know about this. It's one thing for a kid to be asked not to blatantly flaunt her party in front of other kids or hand out invites at school, but to ask a kid to not discuss her impending sleepover while playing jump rope at recess is a bit silly. I think it's important be be polite and tactful, but everyone in their life has felt left out or uninvited, and so far we've all survived and might even be tougher for it. Life is unfair and while it's very hard at the time, it's important kids learn this (with parental support). They aren't always going to feel wanted or popular or whatever (even if they are popular). What is going to happen when they are in high school and don't get invited to the cool party? Or are working and don't get invited by their coworkers happy hour? Are they going to run crying home or tell them to stop talking because it hurts their feelings? I know that is a bit exaggerated, but to keep excited kids from talking about the fun things in their lives on the playground just to cater to other kids' self-esteems is tricky and might end up doing more harm in the long run. Or creating a society where kids think they are so important that they deserve everything.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
I agree with that rule. I remember kids handing out invitations and not getting one and feeling devestated and it affected my school work. Life is socially awkward enough at that age, to add the pressure of "was i invited" is too much to handle.
snow-flake snow-flake 9 years
I think it is important for a parent to teach their child manners (i.e. It is not polite to discuss an event in front of those who are not invited), but to make this a school rule is excessive. Unfortunately this is bound to happen to virtually everyone at least onetime in their life & a child could learn from an experience such as this. Like anniekim said children will get very excited about parties, and the rule would be difficult to enforce.
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