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Separate Twins in School

Mommy Dearest: Should Twins Be Separated in School?

Mommy Dearest,

My 5-year-old twins are entering kindergarten next month and I was just contacted by their new school regarding their class placement. We kept the girls in the same class during nursery school and it worked well for them in terms of their learning, meeting new friends, and having each other to lean on. But as their pre-K year came to an end, their distinctive personalities came through. While one was outgoing, the other complained that her sister was leaving her out of activities. Do you think it would be best to separate them going forward?

– Twin Thoughts

To see the response from Mommy Dearest,


Twin Thoughts,

Your girls sound like they have come into their own. Perhaps the new school year is an opportune time for the transition, since they are already distinguishing themselves from each other. Before making the final decision, you might want to sit down and discuss the option with them and ask for their input. You may also consult an expert for a second opinion or other mothers of multiples who have gone through this already.

– Mommy Dearest

Submit a question for this feature at the Mommy Dearest Group on TeamSugar.


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lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
mstrauss, how are your sisters kids 2 days apart? my youngest goes to a small school. there is only one class per grade (except for am/pm kinder) so twins are in the same class because there is no other choice. the only time i've heard of any issues is this last year when there were twin girls that wanted to stay in their own little "twin world". so they moved one twin to the afternoon kindergarten. it started off kind of rocky for the one that stayed behind. i volunteer in the school library with the kindergartners and some of the other girls had a hard time with the twin suddenly wanting to be part of their group. but after about 2 months it smoothed over. and i agree, how is it the schools decision as to what is best for your child?
RCCway RCCway 8 years
I think that it is MY (as a mom of twins) choice and not something that should be a forced decision by a teacher or a school board (I am also a teacher and can see the value both ways). My boys have never been apart (or expressed a desire to do so) save for the 4 days one was in for surgery when they were 12 weeks old. Imagine school (which is already stressful for some kids) and on top of that being separated from someone you've spent your whole life with. That's just too much! I will let my boys make the choice when the time comes. Several of the moms in my twins group have been through this and the choice to keep or separate is one that is not black and white.
mhg mhg 8 years
As a twin, I was always separated from my brother. In kindergarten, we were together (but only b/c my mom needed us both in AM kindergarten) but then separated from then on. I think it was wise for us, especially since I was the dominant twin who would answer my brother's questions and talk for him. He needed to be away from me :) so that he could have a chance to speak for himself.
katiekat95 katiekat95 8 years
I'm a teacher and when I taught kindergarten I had 4 sets of twins in my class. I would highly suggest putting them in different classrooms :)
ilanac13 ilanac13 8 years
this is definitely food for thought. granted i have a few years before i have to worry about school and things like that - i am preggo with twin girls - and it's my fear that they will either cling to each other or hate each other.
mstrauss mstrauss 8 years
My sisters had kids 2 days apart and they are being separated for the same reasons as twins. Since they were born in the fall, they had the choice of being the youngest or oldest in their classes, so when is going ahead a grade and the other staying back. It works out very well and I think they will do better in school when they aren't so distracted with each other.
Chouette4u Chouette4u 8 years
I think most "twin experts" agree that you should separate them at this point. The only reason I would keep them together would be if they would have to go to school at different times of the day (AM or PM) for kindergarten in order to be in different classes.
skigurl skigurl 8 years
all through my time in school, twins were never in the same class, and it was purposely so i think it would help them become their own person and meet new people, especially since you say one overshadows and possibly leaves out the other already
care0531 care0531 8 years
I don't have twins but being in a classroom with twins I have seen it with my own eyes and yes it is better to separate them. They have their own friendships, their own accomplishments, not everything having to be shared. It sounded to me like the mother writing this letter already knew what she had to do :)
Chrstne Chrstne 8 years
Yes! Separate your twins. A lot of public schools will not allow twins in the same classroom . They usually have their own little languages and ways of doing things, so they become more close with each other and can tend to lack social skills with others because of this. It's great to have a bond with someone, and be that close to someone, but they need to learn how to get along with others and grow into their own person...not as one person in two bodies. I have had my share of experienced with well socialized and totally unsocialized twins. The unsocialized ones who did EVERYTHING together -- didn't play, go to the bathroom, eat without each other...and never spoke to anyone else, it was sad. When it came time to separate them, it was a nightmare, since it had gone on for so many years.
cheersdarlin916 cheersdarlin916 8 years
I have no experience with twins but it would seem to me that maybe they should be separated so that they can grow in their own way. I have read articles about spending separate time with each twin and not dressing them alike all the time and I would think that it would be relevant here also. Just my opinion.
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