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Should a Mother Have the Same Last Name as Her Kids?

Marriage is enough for some women to take their husband's last name while others wait until their children are born to make the change. Having a shared surname can make life a lot easier once a family starts dealing with life's paperwork and situations. Even after divorce or remarriage there are mothers that keep their ex's name to make matters simple. Of course, there are also ladies that never trade in their given names. Do you think it's important for a mom and her kiddos to have the same last name?

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dani17731 dani17731 7 years
I see what you mean skigurl, but that decision will be up to my kids if and when they get married. If my daughter married a man with a hyphenated last name and she wants all four, what's wrong with that? And btw, there's no law saying you CAN'T take all four names. On a different note, as someone who works in record keeping, it really irks me when people just have two last names and no hyphen because so many people don't know the basic rules of filing. It can make taking care of business really difficult. Sara Lee Hall (with Lee being a last name and not a middle name) should be filed as: Lee Hall, Sara. Or sometimes I'll see it as Hall, Sara Lee, which is incorrect. Sara Lee-Hall = Lee-Hall, Sara It doesn't seem hard but so many get it wrong! *end rant* lol
skigurl skigurl 7 years
for one, a name is one of the most important things you will ever give your child, so that's a weak argument. a name can affect their entire life. furthermore, just because that's the way it's done in Spanish culture doesn't mean that's the way it's done in America...i more than agree that your smith/green/jones/baker example makes all the sense in the world but it's not commonly done here and therefore i find it to be an awkward and limiting move to name your child with a hyphenate
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 7 years
Skigurl, this isn't rocket science. In Spanish culture, women keep their own names. (See also Islam). Also, many American women are just fine with keeping their own names. I'm not sure how can you can "disagree" with this, are you like, morally opposed or something? In Spanish culture, kids get both names, so everyone has two names, they drop the second name. So if Anne Smith Green (or Smith-Green) has kids with Bob Jones Baker, they become Kid Smith Jones. I don't feel the need to hyphenate, but people who do probably aren't going to care if you disagree with their decision. They probably will figure there are more important aspects of raising their kids than a name!
skigurl skigurl 7 years
i seriously disagree with giving kids hyphenated names because it takes away their right to hyphenate their own name when they get married in the future if they are born Anna Smith-Jones and they marry Joe Wilson and wish to take his name as well as her own, then what? She becomes Anna Smith-Jones Wilson? what if the boy is born Joe Wilson-Jones and gets married...his wife has no choice than to either take his hyphenate or keep her own...she can't take all three, or god forbid all FOUR if both sets of parents were mean
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 7 years
I'm a little confused. Does this question automatically assume that the kids are given the father's surname? Then the question would be: "should a woman change her surname to the husband's surname so everyone matches?" Are you even considering the possibility that a woman should give her kids her surname, because she didn't change her name to begin with? Because then they'd have the same names too. I mean, I don't really think it matters if the kids have mom's name, dad's name, or a combination of names, as it's been pointed out, it's the relationship that matters. But it makes me sad to see this question being posed this way in 2009, geeez.
nikkisoda nikkisoda 7 years
I am dealing with this problem right now. I had always planned on taking my husband to be' last name. Our daughter has his last name. I never had a problem changing my name until recently. My Dad is ill and it pains me to think that I would no longer have the last name he gave me. The two being hyphenated would be too painfully funny. Decisions, decisions. I do not like having the same last name as my child so in the end I think I will switch. It will just be very hard.
Wild-Magelet Wild-Magelet 7 years
I'm with dani17731: I would never change my name; I definitely think that it's a woman's prerogative if she wants to or not, but for me personally, I've had this name since I was born, it's part of who I am and I would find it very strange, like a change of identity. And if I ever have children, they'll be hyphenated, unless the hyphenation is something ridiculous or embarrassing. In which case they can just have my name. Since I would be the one carrying and birthing a human being. :D
dani17731 dani17731 7 years
I'm not changing my name when I get married, and I plan on my future kid's names being hyphenated. I don't see what the big deal is. It's not that hard.
Moms Moms 7 years
When I got married, I couldn't imagine giving up my last name so I just added my husband's to the end of it. Our children just have his last name, but my five-year-old told me the other day she likes the sound of both better:)
lickety-split lickety-split 7 years
yeah, i don't like the choices in the poll. i've been married 12 years, and really wish i hadn't changed my name? i felt pressured by my parents, in-laws and husband to be. why can't the married woman keep her name after marriage and give the kids HER name? kids have 2 moms, 2 dads, a dad that is now a mom, no dad, no mom, etc. i think a dad or mom with a different name should also be allowed w/o comment.
sarahinparis sarahinparis 7 years
I have a hyphenated name and we gave our daughter the same hyphenated name. Its long, but we have different ethnic backgrounds and I wanted her name to reflect both. My husband is planning on changing his to the hyphenated name.
ilanac13 ilanac13 7 years
this is actually something that we're dealing with right now. i didn't change my name when i got married a few months ago and i'm expecting and i really think that i want to change it before the babies come to make life easier. it's also interesting because my mom got divorced when i was a baby - but she never changed her name back - she's always kept her married name and we all have the same last name.
Chrstne Chrstne 7 years
My mom kept her married name. She said it was because of her kids (who are adults), but with her, she likes saying that she was married. It makes her feel better. My boyfriend's mom and dad got divorced, and she took her maiden name, again. There is nothing wrong with it. If you don't have the same name as your kids, it shouldn't matter. They're yours no matter what.
Zivanod Zivanod 7 years
Not only have I chosen not to change my name, there is no guarantee that the kids will have my spouses last name.
FrankiLee FrankiLee 7 years
I am definitely going to take my boyfriend's last name when we get married. Right now our daughter has both of our last names, but we're going to drop mine so we all have the same last name. But if I were to get a divorce from him (God forbid), I would change back to my maiden name. My mom has a different last name than my brother and I, and it has never bothered me. I think it's great to all have the same last name, but if divorce comes into the picture, I'd rather go back to my maiden name. I don't think it's nearly as important as the relationship you have with your children.
skigurl skigurl 7 years
i think it's nice i never wanted to change my name or at least wanted a hyphenate but i've changed my opinion as i've gotten older and now i'd definitely change my name so my family is unified
cheersdarlin916 cheersdarlin916 7 years
My son is 12 and we have always had different last names and we have only had one problem and that was when we went on a cruise and they wouldn't let me bring him on board until they checked to see that he was listed to be in my room. It was a little frustrating but it was taken care of in less then 5 minutes and there has never been any other problems.
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