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Struggling to Conceive

Lil Community: One Month of TTC Summed Up in the Trash

Trying to conceive isn't always about fun in the bedroom. This post was submitted by an Anonymous reader in the A Place to Vent group.

As I was taking my morning pee today, scared to finish because I would have to check to see if my period had arrived, my eyes wandered around the room and finally settled on the trash. And I had a sad realization that my whole month could literally be summed up just by looking in my garbage.

It's day 33 of my cycle, it's my fourth month of TTC since having a miscarriage and about five years since first making the decision that I wanted to be a mom. My breasts are huge and sore, I can say that I'm two days late since my cycle hasn't been more than 31 days in ages (even though I know it doesn't make it true). And somehow after months and months of disappointment I am sitting on this toilet and I still have hope!


Delaying the inevitable wipe, I pick up my trash and pick up my latest negative pregnancy test to investigate. I have to make sure that I read it properly yesterday morning and that somehow I didn't miss that elusive second line. I didn't take a test this morning because I am playing the "if my period isn't here by the time I leave work today, I am buying a digital test because these cheap dollar store tests I have are probably defective" game. That should ensure a positive.

As I'm sitting there I'm thinking over the last month, so beautifully depicted in my garbage, (And yes, I'm gross. I haven't changed the garbage in about a month, what can I say, the can is huge.) here's what I've found.

To see what this reader found, click here. Let it all out in our anonymous A Place to Vent group over in the LilSugar Community.

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barneyk barneyk 5 years
WOW I love this! I deciced last month to seriously begin conciveing and have already felt all these disspointments! thanks so very much for sharing this with us and letting me know that A i am NOT alone & B there is a light at the end of this struggle thank you thank you thank you
greenshoesb greenshoesb 6 years
Beautifully written. I feel like you read my mind, miscarriage and all. Stick with it, in the end the struggle and trash will be worth every minute!
pandapepperoni pandapepperoni 6 years
I'm glad you ladies can relate, it's nice to know I'm not alone. I thought writing it would help me stop, but I'll be peeing on an OPK tomorrow morning, I just know it!
megnmac megnmac 6 years
It is funny reading something that reminds me that my experience is, if not universal, not unique. I am not alone in my ttc month-to-month living... And that hope, that unstoppable hope that dominates the end of every cycle... I can't give it up, even after having my baby, I now struggle with can I go through it again and have another?
kmckay kmckay 6 years
Reading this was like someone reading my mind during my ttc years. It sucks and what you describe is exactly what ttc-ers, peeaholics and pessimists live through. Month after freakin month.
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