You may know Tamar Braxton as the popular singer or even the celebrity who once went on a date with NBA star Kobe Bryant [2] to T.G.I. Friday's, but now, she's opening up about a miscarriage and her struggles with fertility. During a recent episode of Braxton Family Values, the 40-year-old singer shocked viewers with the news that she and husband Vincent Herbert suffered a miscarriage a few months ago.
The couple have a 3-year-old son named Logan, whom she refers to as their "real miracle baby" because like many women, Tamar struggled to conceive [3]. But eventually, they decided they wanted a big family, like "the Partridge family."
"I hated being pregnant!" she told Glamour. "I wanted an apple martini the whole time. I craved it. [Pregnancy] was hell. And then you fall in love with this kid ― this crazy miracle ― and all of the sudden want more. He has enriched my life so much."
Tamar and her husband started trying for a second child, but it wasn't working. She didn't wanted to go through IVF again because she hated how it changed her personality. "I was a hateful heifer," Tamar recalled. "And I didn't want to be hateful! I knew what it did. And I was so hungry! I ate all day! But I knew I wanted a baby more than I cared about all these other things." So, they did it. She started going through the IVF process [4] again — the shots, blood work, IVs, and finally, the implantation. When Tamar went for a pregnancy test, it was positive, but not too long after, she lost the baby.
"I didn't know how I was going to get out of my bed for a couple weeks," she said. "But you just do, you know? The same choice you make to be courageous and go through this process is the same choice to get up and keep going. It was hard because I still had to work. But after the miscarriage, I wanted so badly for the other things in my life to work."
Tamar suffered a huge loss and was struggling in her career as well, but she made a decision to let her miscarriage inspire her to improve her life in other ways and, most importantly, to never give up hope. She focused on her music and health, and slowly she started feeling more like herself.
"But this is still a struggle," Tamar admitted. "And sometimes when I'm alone, I feel less than a woman. Like a failure. And it's very sensitive and it's very hard to talk about and you don't want to share it with a lot of people when you're going through it. Vince and I didn't discuss it with anyone. I didn't even tell my mom because you feel like if you tell somebody it's bad luck. I just wish people would be more sensitive and maybe ask 'How can I help you? Is there anything I can do?'"
And in the future? "I think adoption is great, but I want to have my own baby. I have these embryos in the freezer, and I want to be able to see what they look like. Are they anything like Logan? I put myself through that situation because I want to see that outcome. I can't lie and tell you at this point Vince and I have not talked about adoption or a surrogacy, but if I can have my own, of course [I want to]."
The singer is not giving up on her hopes of having a big family and her perseverance is truly admirable. Tamar closes with some touching advice to anyone who has struggled with fertility or even struggled with something in life: don't give up. "Everybody in the world can give up on you, but you cannot give up on yourself. And that's just the bottom line through IVF, through your career, through your relationships, to your goals. The minute you give up, that's when it's over. You can't give up."