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Tell Mommy: Do You Feel Like Your Clock Is Ticking?

Whether a mama wants to start a family or finish one, the tick, tick, ticking of a biological clock after the age of 35 can seem deafening. Grey's Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo, 39, recently talked about having a baby to Allure. She said:

“It’s a huge lifestyle change, and I take that very seriously. We enjoy our life so much. We go to Europe and sleep in. So when I have the baby, I won’t feel like we’ve missed any fun, reckless times together, like staying up all night drinking champagne and having sex until five in the morning and not having to get up until two in the afternoon. But I’ve got to get on it, because the clock is ticking.”

Did (or do) you feel the pressure of time when deciding to have wee ones?

Join The Conversation
macneil macneil 8 years
I didn't emotionally feel broody at all. I logically decided that I should get pregnant at 35 because I didnt know if I was fertile or how hard it would be or how long it would take. I was very lucky and got pregnant very quickly. But I'd only known my husband for 2 years, and I would have ideally spent a few more years enjoying being with him before the stress of parenthood - it's hard work. Neither of us would change a thing, but I wish I'd met him earlier.
Greggie Greggie 8 years
Well said, macgirl.
macgirl macgirl 8 years
lawyerjenn- I agree that there is this societal norm placed on reproducing. I do like that childless people are coming to these boards to prepare themselves for motherhood. I hope that by seeing the realness of it, they are put into a place where they might say "wait, maybe I don't want to have kids and I AM OK WITH THAT". I think what I felt from some of the above comments was that maybe someone wanted to cast negativeness on what is my life to make them feel better about their choices. If you tell me what I love sucks, I might come back to be a bit defensive. If you tell me what I love is fulfilling and occasionally challenging, I think I might agree. If you tell me what I love is not for you, how can I argue that? Know your audience if you don't want to be flamed. And by all means, don't tell me I will be fat because I had a child. ;-)
Greggie Greggie 8 years
She's entitled to her opinion about her motherhood status, and I am entitled to reply to her opinions that encompass ALL mothers. I don't care at all when women have children or if they have them at all, but don't tell me my life is over and I never get anything for myself again once I have children.
lawyerjenn lawyerjenn 8 years
I am pregnant with my first at age 30 and I wondered whether I should give it a go just to make sure all the parts are in proper working order. After trying once, I'm now 26 weeks along so there wasn't too much "clock ticking time." I'm very blessed so far and hope that the rest of the pregnancy goes as well. While I've always wanted kids and wanted to be pregnant, etc. I have to share that frankly if I could have stayed 26 and kidless with my hubby for another 5 years....I totally would have. I'm not at all concerned that this baby is going to be anything other than AWESOME but I certainly think I felt pressure to go ahead and try. (from friends, family, society, etc.) As far as sugasuga's opinions, I kind of think she's entitled to think whatever she wants about motherhood. I feel that our society places WAY WAY too much emphasis on having kids and if she's not ready and thinks it's just all about weight gain...then that's her call. I think it's better NOT to have a baby than to have one just because the clock is ticking. Frankly I wish there were more sugasuga's out there. More women who said "i'm not ready and I'm not doing it just because society thinks I should." There are a whole lot of people reproducing that have no idea how to care for someone else, have no desire to try to care for someone else and no desire to really be a parent...
milosmommy milosmommy 8 years
I didn't feel the perverbial clock ticking when I got pregnant at 28, but my doc said that would be the best time (I had just had a laparoscopy for endometriosis a few months prior) to get pregnant if I wanted to so I needed to get on it. I want to have one more and I'm in no rush, but my MIL thinks we should be speeding that up too. My boy is going to be 1 in a couple of weeks I'd like to wait at least 6 more months before even considering trying again. We need to get a better grip on our financial situation first.
Greggie Greggie 8 years
Sounds like someone has no clue what "most women" do with their lives before and after having kids as well.
macgirl macgirl 8 years
Sounds like someone is going to be shocked as they hit their mid 30's and it is harder to keep the pounds off even without having kids.
luckyme luckyme 8 years
"Unfortunately, the most common thing women "gain" in the process is weight." Hahahahahaha! Seriously? Please make every attempt NOT to have children as you would probably hold the weight you gained and every little sacrifice you have to make against them. Good luck to you, my dear, your negative view of life brings you a ton of happiness, I'm sure. I'm going to go play with my greatest joy in life.
Jude-C Jude-C 8 years
Sugasuga, everyone's of course entitled to express their own opinions, but to say that childbirth and childrearing are not "a life" does seem a bit harsh. You don't believe so, but plenty of people feel that having and raising their children is an enormously important and rewarding part of life :)
Sugasuga29 Sugasuga29 8 years
Unfortunately, the most common thing women "gain" in the process is weight. Along with a few other facts that some women who think they were born to procreate like to call "negative" from someone simply being honest. It's true--if you're doing it the right way (parenting) you're no longer doing much for yourself anymore. I guarantee the women that run off to give birth before they're 30 miss out on seeing/doing more in the world. So when I say that's something I'm not willing to sacrifice, take it and deal with it. You choose poopy diapers, no sleep and extra weight, I choose a life. :) We all have our choices...
Greggie Greggie 8 years
Having kids was definitely not the end of the road for us either. It was the beginning of a different world, a much bigger and better one. And while we make sacrifices, we don't lose ourselves, and we've gained so much more than we've given in the process.
anniekim anniekim 8 years
kikidawn--I agree. Greggie, you look mid 20s at oldest, but I assumed you were older judging by your posts.
anniekim anniekim 8 years
I was 34 when my oldest was born. At the time I got pregnant the conversation was something like "do we want to have children?" and "if so the clock is ticking." Having children has made me more aware of the passage of time and definitely influenced the spacing of my kids (2 years apart each). If I was younger I may have waited longer between child 2 and child 3.
luckyme luckyme 8 years
Yikes sugasuga, that's a very negative way to look at having children. I did not view having my daughter as "the end of the road" whatsoever. Quite the opposite, actually. And while you do have to make adjustments (sacrifices sounds too negative) there are so many outstanding positives that come along with it, that you (or at least I) never think of the adjustments in a negative way. But, that's just me...
Janelloyd20 Janelloyd20 8 years
This may sound crazy considering I'm 23 but I definitely feel like my clock is ticking. I'm premed finishing an English degree at the same time and I have at least 6 years left of school until I finish it all. Meaning I'd be 29 when I graduate and then I'd want to work before I had a kid. So I'd be at least let's say 32 before I started having kids. And I've always wanted like 5 kids, I feel like there's not enough time in our lives anymore to have a family.
Sugasuga29 Sugasuga29 8 years
I am 29 and was just married 4 months ago. I basically view having kids as the "end of the road". I'm sure I may have one eventually but it's like the countdown until I don't have my own life anymore. Kinda sad, really. But the truth is, to be a good parent, you have to sacrifice a TON and I'm too honest with myself to try to pretend I'd be ok with that at this point.
UrbanBohemian UrbanBohemian 8 years
I turned 26 yesterday and have never been in a relationship that was serious enough to consider children. I just don't let myself think about it because it could drive me crazy otherwise. But right now there is nothing I could provide for a child at this point in my life.
schnappycat schnappycat 8 years
I never felt it ticking biologically, but knew I had to get on it when we discovered we both had fertility issues. So I just had my first at nearly 35 and know I need to get going on another sooner than I probably would have otherwise. But I still don't feel it ticking per se. Maybe I'm just in denial that I'm as old as I am!
lily_xx lily_xx 8 years
HeidiMD - I turn 32 on Sunday too!! Happy early birthday. I had my first baby at 30 and I definitely want one more, maybe two, but I'm not ready yet. I do feel pressure to get to it though, esp. since my husband is 38 and if we do end up wanting a third kid I think we'll have to have #2 and #3 pretty close together.
HeidiMD HeidiMD 8 years
I turn 32 on Sunday, and I feel like time is running out... and I don't even want kids! Sometimes I wonder what I would do if I accidentally got pregnant. I know that 32 isn't really that old at all, but I do feel like the clock is ticking. It's really, really weird.
Greggie Greggie 8 years
I'm 36 actually. *lol* I was 35 when she was born. That's me, obscuring half my face helps hide the aging. ;) But thank you!!
kikidawn kikidawn 8 years
Greggie you are 35?!?! no way! I am assuming that is you in the picture with your little girl ... you seriously look like you are 24! Knowing your oldest boy is about 8ish (right?) I probably would have guessed you to be about 28-29 even though you look younger. ok as for the question ... I'm not really feeling the "clock ticking", but I do want a baby right now! lol
Greggie Greggie 8 years
Not at all, but I was 27 when I had my first. With my daughter, it was a little surreal to be offered things like amnio as a first resort since I was 35. When I was pregnant with the boys, amnio never even came up unless ultrasound or the protein tests indicated reason. This last time, they automatically put it on my appointment charts and I had to deny it. I do feel a bit of "well if we're going to have another we should do it soon" due to my age, but nothing pressing. If we have another, we do. If we don't, we don't.
macgirl macgirl 8 years
I did. When my husband and I decided we wanted to have a baby together it dictated everything from our wedding date to vacations and when we would start trying as I was 32 when we started dating and 34 when we decided this was going somewhere. They really made a big todo about me being 35 at delivery with extra testing and visits. I had the most normal pregnancy with a bunch of extra doctor bills for nothing. They sure had me freaked out though. Now if we plan to have another child together I really want that decision made quickly as I'm not getting any younger.
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