We've all been there — it's the middle of the night and you either hear the "Mooooom!" scream [1] across the house, or your little one is standing in front of your bed willing you to wake up because they've had a bad dream [2]. It's easy from an adult perspective to tell your child, "It wasn't real, just go back to sleep," so that everyone can get back to their precious Zzz's, but to a little one, what they just experienced probably felt very real. Rather than shrug off the dreams, there are plenty of quick yet lasting ways to help soothe your kiddo back to bed [3] so that the whole family can hopefully get back to having nothing but good dreams.
Read through for nine tips to help you calm your child after a bad dream or nightmare.
Don't panic.
Bad dreams and nightmares are unfortunately a pretty typical part of development. Starting around age 3, your child's imagination becomes more vivid and vast and they begin to become conscious of feeling fearful. As your child ages, the bad dreams should taper off a bit — they're usually nothing to worry about.
Make their bedtime routine as soothing as possible.
Whether you need to start off bedtime with a warm bath to relax them or read a story "one more time" because it gives them happy thoughts, making their bedtime calm, relaxing, and happy is super important.
Don't ignore their cries.
Although you may have used the "cry it out [4]" method when your child was a baby, ignoring the cries [5] of a frightened child in the middle of the night isn't the same thing. Half the battle of a bad dream for some kids is going to be knowing that when they wake up, Mom or Dad can come to their side to cuddle and support them. If you're frustrated that they woke you up — which is understandable — do your best not to carry those feelings into the room with you.
Don't just invite them into your bed in an attempt to get back to sleep quicker.
If you want your child to go back to sleep in their own bed after a bad dream, this unfortunately means sucking it up in the beginning and going back to their room to help calm them down rather than going straight back to sleep yourself. To avoid starting a habit of cosleeping [6], do your best to help your little one understand that her room is a safe and comfy place she can feel confident falling asleep in. Most of all, your child should know that you believe in them [7] and their ability to cope.
Think happy thoughts.
Brainstorm with your child a few of their most treasured happy memories so that when they have a bad dream they can recall those to replace the bad thoughts. Whether they wake you up or cope on their own, positive thoughts are going to be key to helping them fall asleep happy, rather than scared of having a nightmare again.
Enlist the help of a lovey.
Loveys can be a source of comfort to all kids, but especially those who have frequent bad dreams. Talk to your child pre- or post-nightmare about how when they're feeling scared, their lovey can protect them [8]. Knowing that their stuffed animal or blanket is "there for them" will help them learn how to self-soothe and hopefully aid them in going back to sleep a little less fearful.
Share your own coping mechanisms with them.
When your child wakes you up because of their bad dream, talk to them about what you do when you have nightmares. Not only does that make you an "expert" in their eyes, but it also makes them feel less alone if they know Mommy and Daddy sometimes have bad dreams, too. Encourage them to practice your routine after having a nightmare to see if your coping mechanisms can help to soothe them in the middle of the night in the same way.
Talk about the dream.
If they'll let you, chat about the dream with them to try to figure out what about it is scaring them. There may be a way to help soothe them that specifically deals with that one individual dream. If they don't want to open up, don't push them to relive the dream, but share with them a bad dream you may have had recently and talk to them about how you handled it and reminded yourself that it was just happening in your head, not in real life.
Empower them.
After all is said and done, the best thing you can do for your child is empower them so that they feel like they are as much in control of their fear as possible. Have them draw pictures of the scary scene in their dream and then crumple it up and toss it in the garbage, or encourage them to change the ending of their dreams to something funny so that they can perceive what they once feared as something silly and not scary (think Harry Potter [9] and his friends learning the "Riddikulus" charm!).