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The Van Might be Rockin' But it's Just The Wiggles

The Van Might be Rockin' But it's Just The Wiggles

The Van Might be Rockin' But it's Just The Wiggles

Remember all those people who told you things would change in your relationship, and especially with your sex life, when the kids came along? You and your partner looked at each other and said "Pfffft! That won't happen to us!" And then, six months after you welcomed the little bundle of joy, you realized they were right. The last "action" your bedroom has seen was a diaper change.

My husband and I both work full time outside the home. We're committed to being involved in our daughter's life and to providing a family environment that includes homemade dinners together every night and active endeavours every weekend. It's for her benefit, but it's exhausting. Luckily, he's a great partner. We've been able to keep the love alive even though the fires are more like flickering embers right now. Here are the top three things we do to make that work for us:


  1. Talk. At length. Openly and bluntly. If it's not your style, you don't have come right out and ask "So, are you satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking?" but you really should make sure you're acknowledging your mutual needs, even if you're too tired to act on them. Make sure your partner knows you love them, and vice versa. When all else fails, remember your sense of humor can be your very best friend, aside from your partner, of course.
  2. Accept that you are NEVER going to find time, you're going to have to make it. Sitters are expensive, and so are dinners out. Not to mention the logistical challenges of getting out of the house when there are little people involved. How about a date night at home? Buy a nice bottle of wine and dinner of your choosing, feed the kid(s) a little early and get bedtime done with. Then, set aside a couple of hours to just be your pre-kid selves again.
  3. Get creative. You don't have to seal the deal to reignite the intimacy. Remember high school? Making out, groping, caressing. Clothes on, but undone. Remember how exciting that was? It's just as much fun as adults. Give it a try.

It is my firm belief that couples run into trouble when they forget they're in this mess together, and that you can be stronger together than the sum of the parts. Your kids will only be little for a relatively short time. If you can keep the lines of communication open, accept that things have changed but it's okay, it doesn't have to be a wedge. You can be just fine.


Image Source: Photo from The Morgue Files

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Lisa72246 Lisa72246 5 years
Sex doesn't take that long so people who can't take an extra 20 minutes 3-5 days a week just are not trying that hard. If you're kids are taking that much time then it's time to cut back on their activities. You got married for a reason not so you could be married to your children.
GloriaGlick GloriaGlick 5 years
GE Not only when the kids are younger is a problem for couples. We have a 15 year old son and we are an older couple but it is still hard to find time for us.
michellemartin michellemartin 5 years
stay up later than the kids... even if it's just half hour later,Theres plenty of time then!
JenniferWiseman JenniferWiseman 5 years
I'm sorry thulani, but we ARE ' in this mess together!' Or did you make your kids by yourself?
ThulaniMbabela ThulaniMbabela 5 years
In High School they tell you to wait until marriage so you grope and leave it at that. Get to marriage... Some Sex - A Baby - No Sex - Resume Groping But no going all the way because we have no time but have plenty to play High School Gropefest...
TanyaRedfield TanyaRedfield 5 years
Jonie... agreed! I know the point the author is trying to make, but I don't want my kids to remember that from their high school days!
JonieWomac JonieWomac 5 years
"Remember high school? Making out, groping, caressing. Clothes on, but undone. Remember how exciting that was?" I know this is off the subject, but what I just quoted is sad that this kind of behavior is accepted and expected among our teens. This is one of the many reasons I'm hoping to teach my children on courtship! We've got to make a change!
SarahVaughan82638 SarahVaughan82638 5 years
Making out? Groping? Clothes undone? and then... nothing? That sounds fine to me but hubby would be pretty upset if we stopped there.
ThulaniMbabela ThulaniMbabela 5 years
Talk at length openly and bluntly - A little less conversation a little more action PLEASE! Accept you are NEVER gonna find time - Because your baby never sleeps? A little less money spent on state of the art sippy cups could go a long way toward a sitter. Find sitter and invest in your marriage. Necking, making out and what happens to stop this great start? C'mon! Stop making excuses not to have sex and stop deluding yourself that hubby understands that 'we're in this mess together'.
DebbiForeman DebbiForeman 5 years
I'm with Tersha- later bedtimes and'awareness' have been a challenge. It was easy when they were little, lol.
TershaWalter TershaWalter 5 years
I actually found it got harder to find time alone as the kids got older! They go to bed later and are more aware of everything that us going on in the house!!
KellyKeays KellyKeays 5 years
What a great article. All of us have been there and need the reminder!
CandieseMarnewick CandieseMarnewick 5 years
Hmm cant say we had a problem:-) we always make time!
LaLashaMurphyRockwood LaLashaMurphyRockwood 5 years
Physical touch even fleeting is important. pinch his but put your hand on his arm when you talk when you walk by him run your hand through his hair etc
StephanieTonkinson StephanieTonkinson 5 years
ours is almost one and it didnt change our "night life" one iota ;-)
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