Skip Nav
3-Year-Olds Are Kinda the Worst and Here's Why
These Are the 15 Movies From the '90s That You Need to Watch With Your Kids
8 Things You Need to Know About Millennial Moms

What's the Biggest Lie You Were Told About Motherhood?

What's the Biggest Lie You Were Told About Motherhood?

A friend of mine called me after she gave birth to her daughter and asked, "Why didn't you tell me all the crazy stuff that happens?"

The truth was, as the first in our group to have a child, I had no one with whom to compare notes. And, I didn't want to scare anyone.

I wasn't sure if everyone spotted for months after giving birth or if it was just me who stood in grocery store line two weeks postpartum thinking that my life had changed forever.

And, I didn't know becoming Dolly Parton a few days after delivering was the norm.

To see what happened,


It was an unintentional lie of omission, but once I had my friend to consult it made being a mom (and bringing a subsequent child into the world) all the easier.

When someone said contractions don't hurt or that life after babe is a breeze, we'd call their bluff.

And, make sure to tell our childless friends all the gory, frustrating, beautiful, unattractive and awe inspiring details of motherhood so they can prepare.

While everyone has a different experience once they are with child, most women can recall a fib or two they were told about child bearing or rearing. Tell us yours.


Join The Conversation
Bookish Bookish 9 years
I was told that breastfeeding was super easy and came naturally. It didn't, for me, and it took three weeks before we got the hang of it. I was also told that I'd love my baby at first sight. I didn't. I don't want to sound like a bad mom, but I'd had a difficult delivery, and I just didn't have that movie type of moment like "Aha! You're here, and I adore you!". For me it was "Oh, thank heavens you're out. Zzzz." It took a few days for me to start feeling like I really loved the little guy. Of course now he's almost six and I'm absolutely crazy about him, but it didn't just happen automatically.
anniekim anniekim 9 years
it does take a while for babies to become fully interactive. It's an ever evolving adventure.
schnappycat schnappycat 9 years
Thanks, graylen! That's exactly how my son is--facing out, very alert, always studying things. People have even commented to me how wide-eyed he is. I'm hoping that's a good thing!
graylen graylen 9 years
Schnappy- you shouldn't feel bad. My nephew NEVER cuddled. He always wanted to be looking around and taking in the world- he was very alert from birth. If you had to pick him up, he had to be facing out to see. That has developed into a wonderfully explorative personality at the age he is now (2). He notices every little detail. My niece (1 mon) is the complete and total opposite of her brother. She is always sleepy and wants to curl up and be held all the time. In fact, my s-i-l is struggling with how to deal with having a cuddler because she had gotten so used to having an independent baby. Both are great. Your job is to provide for your baby and make him happy. If he's happy in his bouncer, then you are doing exactly what you should be.
luckyme luckyme 9 years
I'm also the first out of my friends to have a baby, so no one lied to me. BUT, I was not told by anyone really that the last month or so of pregnancy SUCKS. I felt huge. The baby was pushing into my ribs and my pelvis. I would get these sharp pains *there* that would take my breath away. I was SO ready to have her and when she went a week overdue, I thought I was going to reach up in there and rip her out myself.
Greggie Greggie 9 years
I can't imagine that it's a mistake if he's happy. :) My sister has four kids, two of whom loved to be held and two who didn't. I agree with you that it's just that babies are different.
schnappycat schnappycat 9 years
I do feel a bit bad about it, Greggie, but maybe he's just very independent. Or else I was just too freaked out to know I should hold him all of the time. He loved the bouncer, so I could put him in it and get things done. Maybe that was my mistake.
Greggie Greggie 9 years
Oh I totally agree. :) I just meant it was cuddle time for us. A lot of people don't enjoy that time like I do, either. It's all in personal preference for both mom and baby.
schnappycat schnappycat 9 years
See, my son (he's 4 months now) doesn't really like to be cuddled and never really did. So I guess all babies are different.
Greggie Greggie 9 years
That's why I love the first few months so much, it's pure cuddle time. My kids have all been held almost around the clock the first four months (well the youngest is just over 3 months, but she's well on her way) and I revel in it. Then at four months, they discover reaching for toys and the bouncer and I am forgotten.
peepshow peepshow 9 years
Schnappy- That's exactly where I am right now!! He loves to swing (meaning he konks out for a couple hours) and stare at the birdies circling above in the mobile! He's starting to kind of take interest in toys, but doesn't really care either way. It seems he's just happy to snuggle up to me and fall asleep.
schnappycat schnappycat 9 years
No one seems to mention how in the first 2 months or so there is nothing to DO with the baby. Sure, they sleep and eat a lot, but when they are awake, they are still too little to really be entertained. I felt like I was doing something wrong when my son was awake and I just let him sit in his bouncer (he hated to be held or worn). I kept thinking I should be doing something more with him, yet he clearly wasn't able to interact or play on that level yet (although I did talk and read to him). It was very frustrating and something I just didn't realize not having been around babies before. It wasn't until about he was 2.5-3 months and started to like toys and smile and interact more that I figured out that babies can actually be fun and interesting. I admit to being a bit blindsided by all of this and researching ways to "play" with newborns.
Greggie Greggie 9 years
People were very honest with me about pregnancy, birth, and motherhood. I can't think of anything that came as a total shock. There were moments of "I'd heard of this but didn't think it would happen to me!" though. I don't agree with sharing every detail, though. For instance, when people ask how my births went, they really don't need to hear the details. Mine were not normal until the last, and scaring someone isn't going to help anyone. I generally say things like "Just prepare yourself for as many possible scenarios as possible," and leave it at that. My general rule is that if someone ask for specifics, I'll tell (but warn first in case they want to back out) but I won't just offer up gory details on a whim. I'll never forget my MIL calling me when I was six months pregnant and saying "My boss's wife was due about the same time as you and they lost the baby this weekend." Why share information like that?
anniebananie anniebananie 9 years
I too am the first out of all my friends to have a baby, right now i'm comparing notes with my mom and thankfully she has been upfront about everything. I am however keeping a few things to myself and not telling my partner, he has never spent time around children or babies, I don't want him to be worried anymore than he already is.
Parenting Is Like Being a Sober Designated Driver
Signs You Are a Millennial Mom
Baby Shower Games For Men
Popular Spanish Baby Names For Girls
From Our Partners
Latest Moms
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds