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What to Expect When It Comes to a Second Shower

Should You Expect a Shower for Your Second Baby?

With your first baby, you had a big shower. The gifts not only helped you set up for the arrival of your little one, but got you through the early months, maybe even the better part of the first year. Now you're pregnant again and wondering, "Should I expect another baby shower?"

Like many moms, Julie H. says she wouldn't throw a second baby shower for herself, or even ask someone else to do it for her, but she wouldn't refuse if someone offered either. Sherry S. is pregnant with her fourth child, but the pregnancy was unexpected, and she literally doesn't even have a onesie remaining from the first three go-rounds. Still, they're both apprehensive about having a shower for fear of appearing greedy or needy. Their feelings are shared by a lot of Circle of Moms members, and their larger questions about what to expect from friends with baby number two, and what's acceptable are perennial topics of conversation.

For more advice on whether or not you should expect a shower for your second baby, keep reading.


Traditional vs. Contemporary Etiquette
While there's no such thing as universally accepted answers to these questions of etiquette, American tradition dictates that you have a shower only for the first child unless the second is the opposite sex. But the vast majority of contemporary moms say that it's perfectly all right to have another shower, even if your second child is the same sex as your first, and especially if your second is coming along after you've given away your baby clothes, etc. The consensus seems to be, if you want a second shower, go for it.

It may be useful here to remember, as a mom named Stacey A. points out, that baby showers serve another purpose: "celebrating a new baby." She adds that even if you don't need big items, most moms understand that you can always use new clothes, bottles, diapers, etc.

Creating New Traditions
In this spirit, numerous moms have invented variations on the baby shower tradition that satisfy both the need for baby gear and everyone's desire to celebrate. Karen H.'s family, for instance, has established a tradition specifically for second babies: the diaper party. The pregnant mom throws a party and lets guests know what brand of diapers and wipes she prefers, and everyone shows up with them. Shannon, who is having her second child 16 months after her first, says she's planning to hold a "meet the baby" party shortly after her second is born. Yet another idea: if you have everything you need, but still want to have a shower, Katherine R. suggests donations to a children's charity in lieu of gifts.

The general, and wise, consensus seems to be that if you need a second shower, or just want one to celebrate your impending new arrival, you should have one, whether or not you decide to request gifts. Your good friends will be savvy to your wishes.

Source: Shutterstock

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Eve31921 Eve31921 4 years
I was actually thrown a surprise shower for my second baby. I should've known something was up when my friends kept asking me if I needed a new crib, carseat, stroller, clothes, etc. They got so frustrated when I answered that I didn't need anything because I kept most of my first baby's stuff, even 5 yrs later. I seriously wasn't expecting anything so I was very touched when they surprised me with the party and still showered me with gifts!
MommyLoves MommyLoves 4 years
Your subsequent pregnancies are perfect times for a more unique baby shower, like a Library Shower where you build up your child's book library. I didn't have a baby shower for my second child, because I was in bed with casts up to the knee on both legs! I had broken both legs when I was 8 months pregnant! Thanks for sharing, great advice for subsequent pregnancy baby showers!
JacquelineLopez45930 JacquelineLopez45930 6 years
Is it rude or greedy to throw a birthday party every year for your child? Is that not a celebration of the child's life? Doesn't your child get presents? So why is having a second (or more) baby showers considered rude or greedy by so many moms? For my second, a girl 7 years after my boy, I purchased the major items and had a small registry for item we could use. Fortunately for us we kept everything from my son, so we didn't need much. We didn't place any burden on our family and friends. Besides if a registry gift is a high dollar item then just give a gift card with an amount that you are comfortable with. No pressure, expectant moms/parents appreciate anything they get. I know I did.
CarolHusmann CarolHusmann 6 years
I view showers as a celebration of a new little life and showing your friend or family that you support them and care about them. Gifts should come from your heart. If you don't want to give a gift then don't. But another thought is you are going to a party. You are partaking in someone else's hospitality. How about a nice bouquet of flowers?
vickisingel vickisingel 6 years
I had a meet the baby party for my second child and it went over really well. i really didn't need anything for number 2 because number 1 was 17 months old when she was born and they were both girls. when i sent out the invites i but gifts are not necessary in order to not sound greedy. after all the party wasn't to recieve gifts for the baby it was for the family to meet our new bundle. i did recieve a few gifts for the baby but i kind of assumed i would, i mean who can resist a reason to buy cute baby things!!
CarolineRoberts CarolineRoberts 6 years
As a British person, the whole concept is odd to me in any case. The fact of a shower seems greedy whether it is the first or the second. If people want to give you gift, they wil.
jenniedaniels jenniedaniels 6 years
i think it's ok if your 2d is a different gender. my 2 are 21.5 months apart and all i had were girl stuff and most of that was given away to family or donated, i had ZERO boy stuff. i already had the crib from my daughter and the stroller seat sytem so i didn't anything huge. yes i did register again, but small stuff. a cousin of my hubby's gave me a few tubs worth of clothes so it help. it wasn't a big deal, it was small. and for those of you that think it's tacky then think that all you want but if you're invited just go, it's a celebration for the parents and the siblings and the people that aren't greedy won't say go home because you didn't bring a gift. they invited you, just go. if you feel obligated to take something, just take a box of diapers and some wipes and it will be greatly appreciated, trust me.
RJ59181 RJ59181 6 years
Someone commented a "baby sprinkle" and I read that "baby tinkle" - haha would work great for a diaper shower. I am due with our second. I had a traditional shower for my first and I did most things gender neutral so I could use everything for subsequent children regardless of gender. I am very glad that I did. I certainly wasn't expecting one this time around, but we relocated last October and the women from church want to throw us one. I've made sure to register for anything that I felt I could have used with DS1 and just lived without, things he's just worn out and need replacing, and things I'll need with two that I didn't need with one (like a double stroller). We've also had a change in vehicles and the convertible our insurance will pay for won't fit rear facing in our car, so that is something else we will need. (DS1 was in a rear facing convertible - so we never had an infant car seat.) I figure if I register it lets people know what I really need, rather than ending up with 20 of something I don't.
NickyHarrison91385 NickyHarrison91385 6 years
Im not expecting to have another baby shower, in my opinion they are to set you up to have a baby, so if you have another, you've already had a set-up...? Im going to have a blessingway for this one (#2) which is basically a get together during the last month of pregnancy, some sort of afternoon tea with the girls, we'll all draw on my belly with henna, no presents or anything like that, people can get very spiritual about blessingways but im keen on having a fun day full of laughs and drinks for everyone except me :)
KatieBona KatieBona 6 years
I kind of get insulted when invited to a shower for somebody who just had a baby within the past few years. Your close friends and families will bring gifts when you have the baby and it just seems a weak excuse to get free stuff. My mother threw me a shower for my 2nd after a 9 year gap (and my 1st born, I was a single Mom ~ the 2nd, my husband and I were having together, so it incorporated his family as well) However, I have been invited to "sprinkles" in the past and present, and it takes away the abiblity to control whether or not you WANT to buy a present for a 2nd, 3rd, 4th child. I would feel VERY uncomfortable at the idea of having a shower thrown for me for any other reason than many many years have gone by. if you really just want to celebrate the baby, wait until he or she is born, then invite everybody over to meet him/her... and dont expect gifts. Have Daddy ask everybody to bring a dish to share to help out the new Mom! That sounds like fun to me!!
AmyHendricks AmyHendricks 6 years
I say no second baby shower no matter if it's a different sex from the first kid. The only exception would be if you had a child w/ a different father n it was his first, then a baby shower w/ his family would be appropriate. I've had many friends who've had multiple showers n most of us didnt bother to go. We thought it was rude to expect us to buy more things just because they had another baby, regardless of the sex. Why should I be expected to buy something just because you don't have any girly or boyish stuff? If you were to have a welcome party after baby arrives so everyone can meet the new addition and ppl happen to bring gifts, that's great. But registering again is kind of tacky. If you DO decide to have a second shower, don't hold it against any family or friends who can't afford to keep up w/ you.
wfountain wfountain 6 years
My kids were 19 months apart. So having a baby shower for #2 would have been over kill. However, with it being almost 5 years since the last baby ran the house, we have gotten rid of a lot of things. If we were to have another child now, it would be like starting from scratch. A baby shower would be welcome. But maybe not as big as the first.
ChristyColleySaffell ChristyColleySaffell 6 years
I had a baby shower thrown for me for baby #1 (girl) and # 2 (boy). When pregnant with #3 I declined the offer and now with #4 I won't be having one this time either.
MissJones5837 MissJones5837 6 years
I am on baby #2 and we are gonna plan our own shower. Except this time I want a celebration more for us than a baby shower. So we are planning something more like a party. So its not just shower games, food, gifts and go home!
MaryLambert93193 MaryLambert93193 6 years
I think every baby deserves a shower. Like someone said, they are a celebration of the baby! I love the idea of a diaper shower.....wonder if I could have a retroactive one for my todder? LOL!
TheresaSlemmer TheresaSlemmer 6 years
I only have one child but I do think anytime someone is having a baby that a baby shower should always take place. Even if you already have the major baby items. You could always use special outfits that aren't hand me downs and diapers, wipes, lotions, shampoos, as well as other lil cute things that just came out.
DarlaOrtiz DarlaOrtiz 6 years
I was traditional showers with my first two...a boy and then a girl...with the last two I was given diaper and bath items showers cause those are things you always need and obviously aren't handed down! lol I think it is perfectly acceptable to be given a shower with each child if it is offered but I would never ask to be given one or throw one for myself.
ChristinaUlian ChristinaUlian 6 years
to elaborate... it can be a baby "sprinkle." It's a celebration of life, not a take-your-friends-for-what-you-can-get.
ChristinaUlian ChristinaUlian 6 years
child to mom, "Why didn't I get a baby shower but they did?"
JessicaKozel JessicaKozel 6 years
I've seen this topic come up many times, and I'm surprised at how many people say it's not acceptable. Why isn't it, is my question. I (sarcastically)like how it's always assumed that a baby shower means buying gifts. Gifts are just a bonus, it's not like you're going to be asked to leave should you show up with nothing. And unless you get pregnant immediately after your baby is born, most people do need the diapers, and bottles, and clothes because it does cost enough money and nobody saves everything from past babies. I had showers for both my kids, and even had 2 showers for my first child, because my m.i.l at the time refused to have anything but a traditional girls-only shower, whereas my family does everything co-ed. So I've been really lucky, and now we're pregnant with #3, and yes, I'm having another shower. My guests know it's not necessary to buy us anything, and we are grateful for those who do. I don't see why it's such a big deal; you want to have a shower, for whatever reason even if it includes only for the gifts, then go for it. Whose business is it anyway? :)
JessicaPayette JessicaPayette 6 years
I'm pregnant with my second and third (that's right twins) luckily I have everything still from my first so I don't feel the need to have another shower. My co-workers did throw me a diaper shower though, which was a wonderful thing, cuz we're definitely going to need them!
GeraldineMooreWells GeraldineMooreWells 6 years
i was told that a shower doesnt get thrown for a second child unless it is a diffrent sex than the first one
DebbieDavis19525 DebbieDavis19525 6 years
I am pregnant with my second child. My first was a boy and we've found out this one will be a little I literally have NOTHING that will suit my daughter. My sister and best friend have insisted on giving me a shower since this child is a girl. I didn't ask for one and honestly didn't expect one, but like other moms I didn't say no when they insisted on throwing me a shower. I do not expect my family to purchase anything for me, especially the larger items. I like the idea of a diapers and wipes the end those things are like gold the first few years!
LauraTate27333 LauraTate27333 6 years
As I am starting to plan on having my 2nd child (we arent trying but arent not trying either lol) dont know if I would have a babyshower as my daughter is almost 5 and I dont have much left from when she was born. i know people who have one for every child (my sister in law is preggers with her 3rd and has had one for each of the others and is already planning one for this one) I would probably let someone else plan one for me rather than me planning one myself but who really knows?
CamilleGray57761 CamilleGray57761 6 years
I've had three children, and I never got a baby shower. I even asked for one close to the end of the pregnancy and the answers I got was "you don't need one. You already have everything you need". I had a car seat, some blankets and some clothes. Honestly all you need is a car seat, clothes, blankets, and someplace for them to sleep. And of course diapers and wipes. I was really hurt that no one was willing to give me a baby shower, but I was fully expected to give one for my sister in laws when they were pregnant.
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