I should clarify from the beginning here, I'm not married. I am divorced and single and consequently not having sex. As in not getting my groove back. Many of you married moms out there probably aren't having sex either, darn shame for the both of us isn't it?
I'm what you could call a full-time single mom. There are no alternate weekends for me. I wouldn't have it any other way actually. When my kids do leave for an occasional overnight at their grandparents I find myself melting into my couch pining away, counting down the hours until they get home. But wait, shouldn't I be out whooping it up, getting my single on? Perhaps finding a man? At the club? Sorry, truth be told, I'm too tired. So maybe that's the biggest reason I'm not having sex these days.
A lesson I've learned well, and one I preach to other single mothers, or any mother for that matter is to take some time away from your sweet offspring and settle into your own skin again without interruption, you know the, "mom, mom, mom, mom" kind of interruption. When we lose touch with ourselves we become a slave to whatever everyone else wants and needs from us in our lives; when the core is empty, there is nothing to give. So yes, I do carve out time for myself every now and then. It is necessary for sanity, like coffee. Besides, it gives you time to miss them; and appreciate them more.
Single moms get a bad rap when it comes to sex. Seems there are glaring generalities floating around that we need to live it up, or are easy or desperate, or are needy or have low self-esteem. I do hate to say, there are a few single mothers that do fit the categories mentioned above, but I'm not one of them. Well I must be no fun, boo.
I'm not Prudey McPruderson, I miss sex…a lot. But I'm not jumping in the sack with just anyone. Some religious reasons of course, but I won't preach those to you today, I have other reasons too. Yes, shocking, I know. I happen to have just a little more respect for myself than a one night stand. Some call it fun, but it's not for me. I have little patience for the awkwardness of the morning after. If I just tell him to leave it makes me an ice princess and I'm not one for beating around the bush. Guess I'd just rather not deal with it then wonder if you're going to call. Besides I've learned a bit about relationships in my thirty plus, and I don't think a relationship that starts in the bedroom will provide the lasting foundation I'm looking for. Satisfaction maybe, but that is fleeting.
As I mentioned before, I'm a full time Mama; but aren't we all. I'd fall in the protective to over-protective category. Takes me months to introduce someone I'm dating to my kids. Having a sleepover while my kids are in the next room doesn't fly with me either. I don't need a revolving door of men in and out of my house, or even one. My kids need stability; I'm going to provide that. I'm not having sex, because my kids come first. What they see, what they hear, who they spend time with; it's not all about me.
I'm Too Good For You
Lastly, I'm too good for you. I did just say that, and meant it. It is going to take a man of courage to share my life, or my bed. I need to know that he meets all of the other "qualifications" before we throw our pants to the wind. I need someone who will take care of my heart, stimulate my mind before he stimulates anything else. Heartbreak and divorce was devastating the first time around. A little discretion now on my part I think will yield the best results.
It is the age of the independent woman, who can have her cake and eat it too. And I think I am independent and do have it all. I am happy and content, single and cherishing each moment with my children. I am living my life instead of waiting to live it until Mr. Right-Now comes along. Someday down the road, the right person — a worthy person — will come along, and then it will be worth the wait.
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.