We've all got our stories of things that set us off during the early days of motherhood — the well-meaning friend who came by for a visit and caused you to burst into tears. Or maybe it was your mother-in-law, who made you feel like a complete failure for your inability to successfully breastfeed. It's a sensitive (not to mention sleep-deprived) phase of life, and it's one that doesn't come with a one-size-fits-all manual. Here, the top 10 list of everything not to say to a new mom that we all wish we could have had plastered to our front door for those first couple of months.

"Can't you just sleep when the baby sleeps?"

As it turns out, those intermittent 20-minute power naps don't constitute a full REM cycle.

"Are you thinking about having more?"

Maybe . . . one day. But today is most certainly not that day.

Any comment that puts into question the way she's feeding her baby.

Whether it's "You know how good breast milk is for them, right?" or "He's still not taking a bottle?" the matter is really no one's business but the baby's parents. The baby will eat, and the baby will be fine.

"I don't really see either of you in him/her!"

How would you like me to respond to that? Should we get some DNA samples?

"Is (s)he a good baby?"

What's a good baby? To be honest, she cried for six hours straight yesterday. But she came with a no-returns policy, so we're going to try to make this work.

"Just let me know what I can do to help!"

A loaded question if ever there was one. If you want to offer help — in the form of babysitting, a home-cooked meal, running errands, or whatever else — lay it out there. Most new moms won't come asking for help, but just may accept it (with pleasure!) if it's offered.

"When are you due!?"

Unless you are 1000-percent certain that the woman you're looking at is in fact expecting, don't ever make assumptions. Some postpartum moms carry around their baby bumps well into the "fourth trimester" — and that's OK!

"Wow, you're going back to work so soon?"

That's right — I get six weeks of maternity leave. Thank you for making me feel worse about it than I already do.

Is (s)he sleeping through the night yet?

At six days old? No. That's all I have to say about that.

"So, are you enjoying the downtime?"

The downtime? Ha, ha, ha. Sitting in an office, surfing the web, running to Starbucks — that's downtime.