15 Things Depression Will Tell You That Are Actually Horrible Lies

For those suffering from depression, it can often feel like nothing will ever get better and nobody will ever understand. My personal bouts consist of oversleeping, undereating, shutting down at inappropriate times, disconnecting or isolating myself from the people I care about in an effort "not to burden them," and generally being a challenging person to deal with and get through to.

I think about all the ways depression (and its sh*tty second cousin, anxiety) have made a home in me; like a devil on either shoulder, telling me I don't deserve the things I want, the people I love don't love me back, and the roads to healthy relationships and self-confidence will always be closed for construction. But one of the things I can bring to my decades-long odyssey with mental illness (besides, you know, medication and therapy) is a wry, malapropos sense of humor — because sometimes, it really does seem like there is nothing else. That being said, here are some text messages I just know I'd get from my depression if it could fit its grubby little hands around a cell phone (and if I actually gave it my number).