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How to Be a Stay-at-Home Girlfriend

Stay-at-Home Girlfriend: Another Way to Say Unemployed?

In the great debate about the modern housewife, many people think the choice to not work outside the home makes the most sense once kids enter the picture. Raising children involves a lot of work and reward, and you can also save real money on childcare. When asked, 25 percent of TrèsSugar readers said they'd only consider becoming a stay-at-home mom, not just a stay-at-home wife. But now we have a new category to discuss: the stay-at-home girlfriend, or SAHG.

Writing for, self-proclaimed SAHG Quiana Stokes offers her tips on how to survive when your boyfriend goes off to work, while you stay at home. I would declare it fake, but the writer provides ample earnest details that leave me with the eerie feeling that it's real. She says she never planned on the lifestyle but ended up a stay-at-home girlfriend after she lost her job. Today, keeping her boyfriend happy is her primary occupation after job seeking.

Quiana says she and the other SAHGs she knows "adhere to stereotypically Stepfordish rules to keep our relationships afloat and ourselves sane." Some include: don't sleep in (get up and make him breakfast), keep the place clean (that includes picking up his clothes from the bathroom floor), cook or order dinner every night, keep yourself up (buy an at-home wax kit!), pamper him, observe sexy time ("there's no real reason (time of the month aside) why I shouldn't be ready and willing when he is"), and leave the house.

It's only fair that you pick up some slack around the house if your partner supports you while you're looking for a job, but couldn't taking on the identity and responsibilities of a full-time house-girlfriend distract you from job hunting? It also significantly shifts the relationship dynamic. Maybe Quiana and other women would prefer doing this full time over a corporate job, although I'd suggest getting a legal commitment before taking yourself completely out of the job market. Would you?

Image Source: Thinkstock
hubchicElle hubchicElle 6 years
"I must say that in the age we live in, I *do* find it a bit offensive to assume a non-married couple will break up" OMGosh, Mochick, thank you for saying that! I found some comments personally offensive. Obviously, many people in this situation are potentially too broke for a wedding, or is that just us? Haha. Doesn't that make sense? There are couples who never get married and die without breaking up; couples who live together for ten years before bringing a piece of paper into it; and EVERY couple started out just dating, for however long it was.
hubchicElle hubchicElle 6 years
Wow, these comments have made me realize my boyfriend is even better than I thought. (Which was the best, anyway, of course.) Somehow, when I do the dishes (it's just dishes) he pounces me, even. (Appreciation.) But yeah, he's super in-touch with his feminine side, anyway.
hubchicElle hubchicElle 6 years
I thought I could have fit into this, until I read that job description. Uh, no, I'd want to kill myself. I've tried JUST the cleaning part for a while, but it kills my spirit. I love the 50s style, but never wanted to BE a housewife beyond Halloween; I'm a rockstar (potential-wise)! I also never though I'd be unsuccessful, either, but I'm happier trying to make at least one of my dreams happen (well, beyond the soul mate found part). And my boyfriend's happier when I'm just happy or content through the day! Even though the chores don't always get done, just like if I WERE out of the house. Whatevs. So nwah. Haha.
danakscully64 danakscully64 6 years
I was a Stay At Home Girlfriend for a year when I was with my ex. He's in the military and when he was stationed in Texas, I quit my job to move with him. I liked it, but going back to work when I moved back to California was nice too. He paid the bills, I did all the cleaning and cooking. My plan was to go back to school after he got his wings (pilot). He dumped me 3 months before that happened. Everything ended up working out and I've never been happier, but it was pretty neat playing the housewife role for a bit. To each their own.
MSucre MSucre 6 years
And btw if you're unemployed I don't think that makes you a SAHG. That just makes you unemployed... And the woman in the original post is not a SAHG or even unemployed. Apparently, she's a writer. She may work from home, but she's not a SAHG... I think this whole concept of Stepford wives is pretty vague. I wake up early, keep a clean house, cook dinner, dress nicely and wear makeup, etc. I do all of these things for MYSELF not for my boyfriend.
MSucre MSucre 6 years
Mochick, I don't think you should be offended by that assumption. This assumption is made for obvious reasons. You can assume that married couples have promised to stay together forever, whereas this is not the *default* for non-married couples. Although this may be the case, you cannot assume, just by definition, that boyfriends and girlfriends will be together forever. Married couples are those who by definition have made that commitment, this is where the assumption comes from!! I'm not saying that partners who *choose* not to get married are any more likely to breakup than married partners. But I'm just saying with the term SAHG you don't have the definitional implication of a life-long commitment.
girlwparasol girlwparasol 6 years
I must say that in the age we live in, I *do* find it a bit offensive to assume a non-married couple will break up, while a married couple won't. I know plenty of couples who have been in committed, non-married relationships for decades, and plenty of married couples who've split up. I bring this up because my boyfriend and I are extremely committed, but marriage isn't for us. I suppose if a couple is married, the non-working spouse can receive alimony in a divorce, which is a sort of protection, but why assume all non-marrieds have a higher failure risk? I'm technically a SAHG, since being laid off two years ago. I sought actively for a job for a LONG time, but after two years and zero offers, I will admit to slacking off. I do clean the house and prepare dinner regularly, but I'm not Stepfordian about it. I haven't lost my own identity, and my boyfriend's happiness is prioritised equally with my own. In all of my newly acquired free time, I write, bake, knit, read, or delve into any number of passionate hobbies that were neglected while I worked. And I do still look for employment, but I'm still not receiving any offers. I'd love to volunteer more, but being in a rural area only provides so many opportunities for such things (especially when many organisations are already fulled-staffed with elderly volunteers.) The point is, I try to do good with my time. I'm not sitting around in my jammies eating bon-bons all day. As such, I AM tired of people looking down on me. I am tired of people assuming I'm lazy, or that I'm mooching off of him. When I WAS working, I made more than he did. I paid the majority of the bills. I saved money. I didn't CHOOSE to live off of his income, it was circumstance. I would take a job now if I were offered one. But frankly, even if I'd chosen it, why would that make me an awful person? Are stay-at-home-wives all just lazy opportunists mooching off of their partners? People ought to be allowed to live as they choose, with whom they choose, in any arrangement or lack of gender roles.
amber512 amber512 6 years
jade, I am so glad my husband still respects me! In fact, he'll even pitch in with house stuff on the weekends sometimes because he "feels bad" that he never does anything around the house! I tell him he's insane, since he works full-time and while I volunteer I don't actually bring money into the house.
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 6 years
I don't see anything wrong with this if that's what some women choose, however, I would personally be hesistant to stay at home without the committment of marriage for reasons others have stated: financial and professional stability in case the relationship fails.
Girl-Jen Girl-Jen 6 years
I was in this arrangement for a while. I didn't have a job, so I "earned my keep" by keeping the house clean and maintained. It's just being unemployed in good company.
jadenirvana jadenirvana 6 years
Mainly, I've just never seen a guy who actually respects a SAHG/SAHW. Even my husband, who is very liberated (we both changed our names in our wedding) started treating me kind of like a slave, not considerate of my time, starting every fight with "It's not like YOU have anything else to do!" I went back to work because I needed my self-respect and his, among other reasons. I just feel like guys understand jobs. That's what the respect: work. I don't think they get housekeeping and how much work it is, and I've never seen a guy that respected it. I'm not saying its not possible, but I've just definitely never seen it.
genesisrocks genesisrocks 6 years
To each her own, but I think she should start looking for work, just in case. She's in a bad financial position if she breaks up with her boyfriend.
brilliance13 brilliance13 6 years
SAHB 2 years... long enough???/
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 6 years
I think she's just trying to spice up her unemployment by putting a retro/love slave spin on it. Or attempting to distract her boyfriend to stave off his resentment. "I'm not some out of work shlub! I'm a kept woman like in Mad Men. Hoovering around the house in my kitten heels!" Thing is, most working women do a lot of the stuff on her list anyway. Maybe not in a tube top, but still... And controversy gets attention. The same lady wrote a piece about stealing a woman's husband and not feeling guilty about it. Could be first person fiction designed to generate discussion and page hits. If so, it worked. I read it.
Lucky17 Lucky17 6 years
I was in this situation for 2 years - following my marriage and waiting for my immigration status to change, and loss of job. Before that I had a corporate job and took classes in Graduate School. Basically my way of coping with the situation was to throw myself into volunteering, otherwise I'd have gone crazy longest time ago. However, I knew that this period would end eventually and playing a "traditionalist" was fun for a while. Would not be able to do it indefinetely.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
It works as a temporary arrangement. What else are you going to do when you're out of a job? It's her Stepford attitude that bothers me.
hmhieshetter hmhieshetter 6 years
I currently am in this situation, and I resent the fact that so many people look down on me for it. I have a bachelor's degree (I am by no means lazy), and have been looking for a job for months. The only things I can find, which I took, were either in retail or in housekeeping. I hated retail and thought I may as well house-keep for myself/my boyfriend. While it is helpful to have a second income, it is nice to have a place which is always clean, has dinner on the table at 6, and have time to pursue other interests...I'm reading through my anthology of English literature currently. I have no fears of breaking up/being cheated on, because we have future plans for marriage but both chose to wait. The only thing which I would change is to have gotten out of the job market AFTER my student loans were paid off. The less debt starting out, the better. And who knows? My tutoring from home business may just blow up in the near future, and we'll have the benefits of a second income AND a happy home! :)
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 6 years
I had a SAHB for a while, truth is though he was just a fuckface who couldn't hold a job. Yeah I couldn't go for this. To much dependency, not enough certainty.
amber512 amber512 6 years
I am a stay-at-home wife. I take care of the household and anything that needs to be done. When I got married I didn't realize it would be four years later and my husband and I would still be TTC (trying to conceive). I want to stay at home when I have kids, I just don't have them yet. I don't judge those who work and have kids, so I don't understand why it's okay to judge those like me.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
I don't mind gender roles, but something seems so cold and business-like about these kinds of relationships. I'm living with my best friend, not my boss.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 6 years
I knew someone who did this. She didn't like working, period. She lived at her bf's house (he is very well off). He cheated on her a few times and she stuck it out, and eventually he left her for one of the "mistresses." Anecdotal but true.
nikkisoda nikkisoda 6 years
To each their own.
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