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Wedding Etiquette

Would You Be Offended If Asked About Your Wedding Costs?

Much of your busy engagement revolves around finding vendors and securing each of their services with a deposit, representing a percentage of the total cost. Your upcoming wedding is likely a source of small talk when you're sharing an elevator ride with a coworker, and surely you share the status of how your wedding is coming along and the corresponding details with close friends. So how have you responded or how would you respond to questions about specific wedding vendor costs, the price tag on your dress, or about the overall cost of your wedding?

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Join The Conversation
graylen graylen 9 years
I honestly don't think that most people are being rude. I think weddings can cost an exorbitant amount and most people are just curious to know how much money goes into something that beautiful. Also, most people literally have no idea what it may cost. Remember, you spent months poring over every detail and cost... most people asking haven't been. It's like asking how much someone's super-nice car is... you aren't looking to compare, but usually cost defines something to people (ie. "So that's what $80k gets you compared to my $20k car"). And most people who aren't married generally ask so they can start gathering the info in their head of what they want (i.e. "these people spent $40k and this is way too extravagant for my taste, but perfect for them"). I just think people are a little too sensitive sometimes about something so innocuous. If you don't want to answer because it's personal, then just nicely say so. I just don't think it's fair to immediately think someone is being nosy and rude.
burnsjl burnsjl 9 years
I don't mind sharing because I want others to know they can have a nice wedding without spending a fortune. We had a small wedding, which was just what we wanted, but everyone is different. I think everyone has the right to not answer questions like that if they don't want to, though. You can try to find a tactful way to say you'd rather not discuss it.
Kimpossible Kimpossible 9 years
I think it's rude. Even if they want helpful tips that can be done without someone inquiring or you disclosing what your own wedding costs are.
CaffeePants CaffeePants 9 years
My boss is the only person who has asked me. He is not one for social graces and he was curious about costs because he will have to pay for his own daughter's wedding eventually. I really don't mind telling anyone but I wouldn't ask anyone because they may think it is rude.
puddlesworth puddlesworth 9 years
It depends on who is asking and why. If they are just curious about what kind of wedding they can afford then I'd tell. But I wouldn't tell people who just wanted to judge me by how much I spent.
MuppetsForDinner MuppetsForDinner 9 years
I am engaged to be married in November and I was a guest at a friend's wedding recently when another guest how much I thought the wedding we were attending cost. I thought it was extremely rude. I didn't really know the guy very well and he could tell that I was uncomfortable so he tried to shift the conversation to how much WE were spending! NOT better. I looked at my fiance hesitantly and he gave me one of those, "I don't know what to say" looks. I felt that I was forced to answer so I gave him a rough estimate. The most uncomfortable part is that we are going to be spending a good deal more than the wedding we were at. It was completely inappropriate and I'd never ask that of someone.
ShePirate2010 ShePirate2010 9 years
id be happy to share a few details, but if they just wanted to be rude, i'd ust politely move on with the subject. If close friends or new couples wanted advice, i see no harm. Evil mother in laws looking for a joke, is another story! lol (if there ever is an evil one. i sure hope not)
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
I wouldn't be offended at all. My wedding was super cheap and really relaxed because that is the kind of people we are. I have some great money saving tips.
SusanTeufel SusanTeufel 9 years
My parents really won't help with my wedding, and my Dad asked how much my budget was. He really won't help in any way so I don't think he needs to know. My fiance and I are paying, as well as very appreciated help from his family. If someone asked for reason of helping budget their own wedding, okay, but just plain curiousity...I don't even know the exact numbers of what I am spending. But, that's me. More power to you if you can say so. :3
MandyJoBo MandyJoBo 9 years
I have no problem with it at all, whether it's for tips or out of curiosity. I never ask because I know how other people can be sensitive about it. I don't mind the salary question either. I just don't think it's really as private as most people think it is. I am open and honest, though, I don't really mind "private" questions.
emalove emalove 9 years
I wouldn't be offended at all...especially if the person was planning their own wedding and trying to figure out the cost of things. It DOES drive me crazy, though, when people say things like, "I can't believe you spent that much money on _____!" to me. Then I feel like telling them to MYOB!
supercoolnat supercoolnat 9 years
I wish I would have had more information on what a budget really looks like, so I'm always willing to talk openly about what mine was. The only exception: my husband's family. When his dad asked how various vendors cost, I knew better than to say anything. He was just waiting for an opportunity to announce that I was paying too much money and he could do it cheaper. Whatever, he's just a cheapo.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
I am not married but if a close friend asked me where I got my flowers or food I would definitely share it with them. In general I am a MYOB kind of person but if I can share a great deal I do.
smartl smartl 9 years
The only way I feel comfortable answering that question is if someone who is planning their own wedding says something like... "from your experience, do you know what sort of price range I can expect to see for wedding cakes?" or something like that. And I would have no problem sharing research that way. But if someone outright asks "how much was your wedding budget?" I feel very uncomfortable. But I also have no idea how to answer... it's incredibly rude of them to ask but I don't know how to refuse to tell them without being rude myself. I usually sheepishly tell them, "oh, it was around X dollars..." and then change the subject. But I hate it. I don't know why people think it's okay to ask this.
Home Home 9 years
I agree with SkinnyMarie that people associate cost with quality when it comes to weddings. However, since my fiance and I are footing the bill for nearly everything (though his mom is very, very generously renting the lodge for our reception and to put up out-of-state guests), we take more pride in being creative with our budget. The quality of our wedding will be very high, but our budget is going to be very frugal. We're doing almost everything ourselves, which has helped to cut costs, as has the fact that I've been blessed with very talented and creative friends and relatives! That said, I will gladly give other people my tips for keeping your wedding beautiful on a budget.
tiff58 tiff58 9 years
Like linb, I pride myself on being frugal, and would not care if someone asked how much I spent- I would be proud to say what I could do on a smaller budget. I think that many people make too big of a deal out of money conversations
KEG KEG 9 years
this is almost as uncomfortable for me as when people ask how big my ring is :(
mlen mlen 9 years
i'm not married but i would only ask in terms of trying to plan my own someday- when the time came i might ask friends if i'm getting a good deal or ripped off. i'd never ask a full cost of a wedding- but i'd definitely ask for some help in guidelines of what i should and should not be charged!
Angelica Angelica 9 years
I think it's tacky to ask how much a wedding costs. The point is to go celebrate the couple and the celebration they have put together. Putting a cost on it defeats the purpose.
joselita joselita 9 years
I would answer openly on how much my husband and I spent since it wasn't a lot. I had padrinos (godparents) for a lot of things so I do not know the actual cost of the whole wedding. I also used my mother's wedding dress with some minor alterations.
mandy_frost mandy_frost 9 years
I've never been married, and I won't be for a long time, but I share my salary, especially among women, so I'd be ok with sharing wedding monies. I think it is VERY important for women to know how much other women make, especially if they are in similar fields. Too often, women are paid less than men. Also, almost everyone has debt. I'm glad to share financial details such as this because it's so common. It's only after joining a money board on msn with other women who are trying to get out of debt that I realized that debt should not bring shame and does not make you a lesser person. Finally, if someone is just asking to be nosy, I'd hope I'm not associating with that kind of person anyhow. To the girl whose mother-in-law is asking, how rude! I feel for you.
cateislate cateislate 9 years
I sent a rough estimate to my close friend who is planning her wedding and paying for it herself (well she and her fiance are). I wished I had that info when I started planning but knew that she wouldn't ask. I didn't put down things like my dress, since that is so varied, but things like catering, string trio, officiant, limo, and other vendors were on there. She said it has helped her out a lot.
linb linb 9 years
I would answer openly. I pride myself on being frugal, not to be confused with "cheap". Every price is negotiable.
bellaressa bellaressa 9 years
Depends on how they ask - they could be trying to help you out, curiosity, or just being plain nosey. You can always sense the motive.
vmruby vmruby 9 years
No I wouldn't be offended because i really don't care about impressing others, but i also don't go around broadcasting it either.....If someone i know asks (which has happened)I have no problem telling them. I'm happy thatI was able to have a beautiful, elegant wedding without it winding up costing us what would have been the equivalant to a down payment on a new house.I have no regrets so why not share?
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