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Women Don't Intend to Pay the Bill

Your Two Cents: Are You a Purse Grabber?

I assume many of you will be going on dates tomorrow for Valentines Day — you'll eat, have some wine, laugh, and flirt — but when the check comes, who will pay? According to one survey 50 percent of women are "cursory purse grabbers — someone who makes as if to pay, but doesn't really intend to," 30 percent offer to split the bill, and the other 20 percent automatically expect their date to pick up the check. The survey also showed that 75 percent of men will spring for the bill even if the date was a bad one.


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uhoh_spaghettios uhoh_spaghettios 9 years
Who would have thought women would be so all over the board, and have such strong feelings about something as simple as who pays for a meal?! In all my past relationships, my boyfriends have paid for everything. Every time I'd reach for my purse with the full intention of paying my share, they'd never hear of it, unless I made clear that it was my treat and fought them on it. With my current boyfriend, we split everything pretty much according to who ate/drank what. It's very tit-for-tat, kind of like when you go out to dinner with your friends and you split tbe bill, except that in those situations, your friends usually throw in enough to cover their meal, tax, and part of the tip, whereas he would just add up his meal and drinks without tax OR tip if I let him calculate his portion. I never thought I had an issue with always going dutch since I've always been prepared to pay for my share, and never considered it an issue to do so, but there's something so.... unromantic about it. Maybe it's the way I was brought up. It's polite and proper for the man to pay. In my family, if there are men dining with women, regardless of who they are in relation to one another, the men always pay. They open building doors, car doors... that's just what I'm accustomed to, and I know a lot of women (and some who probably don't want to admit to it) feel the same way.

If you're always splitting the bill for things like casual acquaintences, or (as my boyfriend and I generally do) each paying for your own movie ticket on a date (and call this old-fashioned or anti-women's lib or whatever...) you start to feel uncared for. Maybe that's just me, but as a woman, I want to feel like my man can and wants to provide for me (no, I'm not living in the 50's, and yes, I CAN pay for myself if need be, thank you very much), and while that doesn't mean footing the bill for everything, all the time, or financially supporting me forever and ever while I sit on my ass and eat bon bons, it does mean that more often than not, I expect (or would like) to be taken out, as opposed to ever feeling the need to go for a purse grab, real or fake.
aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
I think pretty much everyone has done this at some point though out the years they've dated...
javsmav javsmav 9 years
We take turns paying, so it probably comes out in the end. But I make over twice as much as he does, so it doesn't seem fair to make him pay for all my meals. Besides, there was one guy I dated who never let me pay and it always made me feel cheap and dirty--like I could be bought. So anyway, I don't reach for my purse unless I mean it.
Tari007 Tari007 9 years
I normally offer to split the bill. I have a job and make just as much money as men do. If we want equality then it applies to all aspects of gender benders. My boyfriend is very good about asking me to let him pay or asking me to pay for the dinner if he didn't bring enough money. Otherwise we normally split the bill.
freegracefrom freegracefrom 9 years
Sometimes he pays for it, sometimes I do. If I grab my purse I do intend to pay, but he usually insists.
glam-sugar glam-sugar 9 years
No I'm not.
jennythereader jennythereader 9 years
I pay for dinner almost all of the time. My husband gets the rent and utilities, and I get the food.
Shopaholichunny Shopaholichunny 9 years
I don't even try to grab it. My BF ALWAYS pay for it. :)
Brendelwoman Brendelwoman 9 years
I am not a purse grabber but I'm in my 30's so there might be a generational difference. I have never felt compelled to pay for a date and all the men I dated willingly paid. I live in the Midwest so maybe that has something to do with it as well. I plan to raise my son to be the same way - more traditional. He'll also open doors, too, I hope. I know a lot of women don't want to feel obligated to owe something to a man, but I've never felt compelled to sleep with someone based on him buying me a meal or anything else.
I typically go by the rule that whomever initiated (asked) the date that's who pays.
Green Green 9 years
I'm a purse grabber but my man is good he is sometimes insulted if I grab my purse.
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
Oh, and I totally second Blackwidowchick, for dating in a not super serious relationship. If you asked for the date, you pay, or if you're somewhere casual, and it seems right, go dutch. Geeez.
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
"i learned back in the day to always have the means to pay for my meal at least - since it's never right to assume that the other person has manners. now that i'm with my boyfriend and we live together - i think that it's almost assumed that he will always pay - and if i'm expected to - he has a card from my account - so he can 'pay' to be the man and i'll get the bill. it's the 'modern' day - yes - but that doesn't mean that women SHOULD pay to be equals - yet we shouldn't assume that the guy will pay either" BARF. How in the world is paying for a meal you ate tantamount to the other person NOT having manners? I really, really cannot believe your boyfriend has a card to your account so that it appears that he "pays" for your meals. Ya know, a lot of women do not mind picking up the check sometimes and do want to be independent. I wouldn't expect my friends to pay for my meals, why would I expect my boyfriend to? Oh, because we're having sex, right and he has to have some way to pay me for the sex. Sure we keep the romance and we'll treat each other to dinner depending on who has more cash, or if one of us has something to celebrate, the other will treat, but god...I can't imagine giving him a credit card to my account simply so we could feel like he was paying!
tee0206 tee0206 9 years
I totally did the purse grab on a first date last night. I would have been happy to split the check, though.
insanitypepper insanitypepper 9 years
I don't mind paying, but I also don't mind when someone else pays!
Blackwidowchick Blackwidowchick 9 years
I don't know what category I fall into. I think whoever asks for the date should pay. But whenever a guy does ask me when the check comes I do ask if he wants to go dutch. I think guys just pick up the check because they want a better chance of getting some.
verily verily 9 years
I am always willing to go dutch, but more often than not, the guy absolutely insists on paying anyway. I even found it happening with some of my platonic male friends...had to put a stop to it.
squeila squeila 9 years
I agree with Evalla, i also feel weird when guys pay. though i've had to get used to it as my current boyfriend wont let me pay for anything despite going out for over a year, i still try to split though everytime as i feel that it's only fair.
ilanac13 ilanac13 9 years
i learned back in the day to always have the means to pay for my meal at least - since it's never right to assume that the other person has manners. now that i'm with my boyfriend and we live together - i think that it's almost assumed that he will always pay - and if i'm expected to - he has a card from my account - so he can 'pay' to be the man and i'll get the bill. it's the 'modern' day - yes - but that doesn't mean that women SHOULD pay to be equals - yet we shouldn't assume that the guy will pay either
emalove emalove 9 years
No, I'm not...I can't even recall a time that I paid for dinner. I'm married now, so of course it's both of our money, but before that, he ALWAYS paid. He's very much a gentleman that way.
Jude-C Jude-C 9 years
I don't reach unless I really intend to pay. And like others, I am also weirded out by the thought of always expecting others to pay for me.
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 9 years
I dont reach, I offer to pay and it's mostly "no, i got it" but I have before....with my guy friends. But when my fiance and i were dating, he never made me pay. It's common decency to be prepared to pay for a meal, I mean...I dunno. I dont always expect people to pay for me. sounds weird to me.
mguy414 mguy414 9 years
I would have the money just in case, but I never do the fake grab, I'm so mean! I mean if he asked me out he should pay, right? As far as I can remember no guy has ever said "um you need to pay your half." But seriously, all I ever eat is cheesesticks when I go out, so they don't mind too much!
bransugar79 bransugar79 9 years
My mommy always taught me that a lady should always be prepared to pay for her share of any date. It's a litte tip on being independent I guess. So I have and would pay for a date or at least my share if the guy was a jerk. Now I am with my fiance all the time so no matter who pays the money comes out of "our" pocket.
SkinnyMarie SkinnyMarie 9 years
I always do it to my fiance. Its my way of showing him I appreciate him paying or that I had intentions to but, sorry I spent it on these shoes.
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