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Is it Appropriate to Cancel Plans and Dates Over Text Messaging?

Tech Dating 101: Can I Get Out of a Date Over Text Message?

Welcome back to this week's installment of Tech Dating 101, where geeksugar and DearSugar team up to help you out with the issues that arise when technology and dating meet. Last week we talked about whether it was cool to make big life announcements online, and before that, I gave you advice on changing your Facebook relationship status. This week, it's textual.

Is it OK to decline a date or cancel plans over text messaging?

Basically, it is OK to decline a date or cancel plans, but only if the date was proposed over text messaging. That way, the standard for the date has already been set with the text, making it perfectly fine for you to say you can't make it out.

To see the exceptions to this rule and what to do if you weren't asked out over text, just


Here are the exceptions to this: Even if the date was made or asked over text, if the date is only a few hours away, you should call rather than text, just to make sure they get the message and you don't stand someone up. Sure, they're as likely to see a text as they are your call or voice mail, but reaching out on voice just seems to be the nicer way to cancel at the last minute.

So what if you weren't asked out over text? Is it still OK then to say no or cancel over text? It depends on the situation. Often times, texting is the ultimate cop out and people can see right through it.

If you probably won't see the person again and it's at least the day before, I think it's OK to text that you can't accept or have to cancel the date. However, if you don't text a lot with this person and you do want to see them again at some point, always call.

It's totally tempting to text someone you're not that into that you won't be going out with them, because it's way less awkward — especially if you don't have a great excuse. In that case, when you just want to get out of something at any cost, just evaluate how you'd like to be treated on the other end of it. Do you want to be texted an abrupt cancellation?

To find out how Dear feels about texting and date plans, head over to DearSugar!


Join The Conversation
floridamd3 floridamd3 6 years
Actually that just happened to me today! This was our first date and we met in a face-to-face situation. So far the rest of our communication has been via talking on the phone. He sent a text message 2 hours prior, on a work day. Good behavior would have included first calling my cell phone or work phone number, which he did neither. Next text message and finally (if he had my email address) emailing to cover all his bases. I never encourage bad behavior so I did not respond to the text message, and went on with my day. Also I put Plan B into motion for just such a situation (watching this movie I've had for awhile and have been dying to watch). The dating code goes as follows. Don't ever accept a date via text message or email. That gives the wrong impression. Only accept via face to face (skype is included) or talking on the phone. This way you are not responsible for the laziness of the person cancelling via text message or email. I felt relieved to discover this character flaw early in our relationship. so I can be prepared for future dates. I'm not writing him off completely as he has some great attributes and I always give someone a second chance. Respect is the most important ingredient in a successful relationship whether it's dating or "just friends".
Jessiebanana Jessiebanana 8 years
"...just evaluate how you'd like to be treated on the other end of it. Do you want to be texted an abrupt cancellation?" The problem with the sentence is I never call anyone, except for work, so texting/emailing to cancel or to even end relationships is fine with me. It wouldn't bother me to receive a cancellation or break up message, the message is the same :shrug:, but I know it bothers other people.
genesisrocks genesisrocks 8 years
I hate texting. The worst is when people text you to go out that same day and you're not picking up your cell and then they get mad at you. Okay give me more time or call me on my home phone. If I'm not home I'm probably doing something and can't talk/ text anyway.
TidalWave TidalWave 8 years
i agree that it depends if you already regularly text the person. I have cancelled plans via text message before (with guys and friends) and no one thought it was extraordinarily rude
Modus-Vivendi Modus-Vivendi 8 years
It definitely depends on how much of a texter that person is. I'm super comfy texting, and I have long conversations via that medium. Other people can barely manage a few words.
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