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Tech Dating 101: Why Is He Using FB to Get to Know Me?

Welcome back to Tech Dating 101, a geek's advice for when love intersects tech, from changing your relationship status to gadgets in the bedroom.

Used to be someone got your phone number if they were into you. Now there are multiple avenues for getting in touch with someone, but is the phone still the preferred form of initial communication?

My latest tech dating issue has to do with what it means if someone chooses to pursue using the ever-popular social network, Facebook. It seems that many of my girlfriends have been experiencing the Facebook reach-out — they meet someone somewhere, and though they're never asked for phone numbers, a few days later, there it is. A friend request.

The next communication happens on their wall or inbox; it's not quite Facebook stalking, but it's the modern alternative to you know, calling someone and getting to know them over the phone, or (gasp!) in person. So is it OK to be pursued on an electronic basis?

To see my answer, just


My first impulse about someone who's doing the electronic-only reach-out is that they're either really shy or that he's interested, just not interested enough yet and is feeling you out in a pretty non-committal way. If they're chatting you up online and decide they're not into you, then the recon they've been doing can be easily re-molded into getting to know you as a friend. In my experience, it's a way of buying time before they decide if they should take the big step of calling you and making a date.

Of course, there is the huge possibility that they're just shy — I have a guy friend who uses this as his primary form of hitting on girls because he is way too anxious to ask a girl for her phone number in person. And of course, maybe the person didn't ask you for your number on the spot because they didn't have the chance, buuut I'd better stop now before I get into the dreaded HJNTIY excuse territory.


Matdredalia Matdredalia 8 years
what the hell else is Facebook for? LOL
kiwigeek kiwigeek 8 years
This is how I found my ball partner! :true: well actually I kinda knew him before but I 'reconnected' through FB :)
melissa-b melissa-b 8 years
I wouldn't be with my boyfriend of 2 years if he hadn't facebooked me... but he added me and said that he didn't have a chance to get my number when we met, so I guess it didn't feel too facebook stalker-ish, haha. Anyway, I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but I agree that the facebook-only thing shouldn't continue for too long.
Green-Apple Green-Apple 8 years
I don't think it's such a bad thing as long as the friend request comes with a message. There has to be some sort of communication to go along with it. I don't add people I don't recognize without a message. Right now I am currently in a relationship but if I were single I wouldn't go out with someone who only sent me social network messages. I'd like a phone call.
KibzeeLovee KibzeeLovee 8 years
sure, if you're into that kind of thing. this is one of the many reasons i don't have a facebook. anyone who really wants to get a hold of me, will find out how.
gothamgal gothamgal 8 years
I agree with skigurl, sundaygreen and leslievanhouten in that it's okay ... to reach out, but not to continue the dance electronically.
leslievanhouten leslievanhouten 8 years
The method is fine, and it is great for people who are too shy, nervous, whatever, to point blank ask for a number. BUT...if I think a guy is attractive, I'll give him a person or reply to his facebook request. If I think he's creepy, I'll ignore both. That doesn't change, even if the medium does.
skigurl skigurl 8 years
i think this is a good option for people who are shy or for a guy who regrets not asking for your number but then has a eureka moment about a way he can contact you after the fact frankly, coming from someone who gets irrationally uncomfortable when guys ask for my number or ask me out in person, this is a good's been successful for me once, actually...the day we met, it would have been inapropriate to ask for my number in front of other people, but he then found me on facebook and we dated for a couple months but it's also blown back in my face when a creepy dude messaged me and tried to add me and i wanted him to crawl in a hole and die the positive thing is, if you dont add them or respond, they cant see anything (as long as you're safe with your privacy settings) so i make sure i am searchable
sundaygreen sundaygreen 8 years
i've had this happen to me. personally i think it's fine for reaching out and getting in contact (esp if there was no phone number exchange or if you're shy) - but don't KEEP on doing it to establish the relationship. if, after a couple of messages or IMs, there's still no face to face contact - it's time to give it up. also i think it's a bit deceiving, because you can be chatty and cool online but as soon as you meet again it could be as awkward as arse.
TidalWave TidalWave 8 years
and this is why i'm unsearchable!
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