Skip Nav
JK Rowling
1 Connection Between Dumbledore's Army and the Marauders You Probably Missed
Facebook
You're Going to Tear Your Hair Out Trying to Find a Cell Phone in This Optical Illusion
Humor
ACK! This Memory Quiz Will Mess With Your Mind

What Would You Do If There Was A Global Internet Crash?

The Onion, the faux newspaper that brought us those fake iPhone ads, released this hilarious fake news story "All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash: Web Crash 2007," which takes a humorous look at what might happen to the internet addicted masses and our culture if the internet did in fact crash. Side effects of the fake crash included: 1. Trillions of pages of commentary and diaries of daily minutia (i.e blogs) deleted. 2. General feelings of helplessness from community with one man saying "I feel like control+alt+deleting myself." 3. Television networks like ABC stepping up to fill the YouTube void by airing America's Funniest Home Videos all day. On a local level, citizen groups started passing out emergency diet tips, celebrity gossip and humorous poems about office life to people on the street. What would happen to you if the internet crashed? And what would cause you the most grief?

Join The Conversation
Nitrobezene Nitrobezene 9 years
I'd go bawl in the corner and then meditate.
bunnystack bunnystack 9 years
If the Internet were to crash, I would have to crash my beloved car of 18 years, whom I've nicknamed, "Life."
heathawhatevah heathawhatevah 9 years
I can't imagine a life without the 'net. I go to Boston University online, so there would be no school! papers and quizzes wouldn't get done! Where on Earth would I go to buy the new Foo Fighters album? There aren't record stores anymore. I couldn't live without iTunes! I'd have to turn to the dreaded TV for entertainment. yuck. and how would I bank? How would I keep in touch with people? I may have to use the phone...we all would have to use phones...at the same time...that would knock out phone service! OH GOD! All circuits would be busy! 97% of this county would have no idea how much money they could spend without online banking as no one can balance a dang checkbook anymore! no twitter! no popsugar! no myspace! horoscopes in my local newspaper? where do i even buy one of those? eewwww...i'd have to shop at the mall. Lord, please help us! Don't let this ever happen!
potc-crazyy potc-crazyy 9 years
i would ehm. go pretty wonky. i'd miss all my pirates of the caribbean fanfics. i'd probably just read more than usual [ hell, probably around 400 pages a day ]. And watch movies. And watched saved youtube videos [ thank youtubex! ] And cry, and cry, and cry. But, this summer when i was in Japan... I could actually stand only going online for like 15 minutes a day to check LJ Fanfic Comms. I had.. you know, stuff to do. And when I was in a place without the internet, I ACTUALLY SURVIVED. It was hard though, trust me.
Leopardcc Leopardcc 9 years
Go into "Internet Rehab" like the rest of the online addicts! hee hee!
KiwiLu KiwiLu 9 years
My computer crashed and i was without internet for about 2 weeks. I went insane for a few days. I had nothing to entertain myself with. That same week I lost my ipod ,found it, locked it, and then realized I needed my computer to unlock it. I tried watching tv but that gets boring, after a while there is nothing to watch. Eventually i got used to it, but i rather not go through that.
gruaig_rua gruaig_rua 9 years
I'd probably die of withdrawal symptoms. I've been without the internet at home before and have practically been rocking back and forth in the corner of the room - sugar is one of the sites blocked at work. And I need a daily dose of sugar!
pouetomagic pouetomagic 9 years
No internet, no work for me. No internet, no games. No internet, no Geek things... Horrible feeling... Ctrl + Alt + Del myself HAHA
gossipqueen gossipqueen 9 years
grab the paper, read a book...talk to REAL people! ;)
kizzmeistah kizzmeistah 9 years
i would just simple keep trying to connect in total disbelief :( the internet is my life
SugarIsSweeter01 SugarIsSweeter01 9 years
After crying in a corner, I'd go find life and figure out what the F-* was going on!
partysugar partysugar 9 years
Hysterical! While I was watching TeamSugar was listening in the background and asked in a tense voice (you could sense the edge, She was totally about to freak out!), "that's a joke, right??"
lisett lisett 9 years
I couldn't even fathom that.
Karma-Co Karma-Co 9 years
I'd cry... An then actually venture... Outside! *Gasp* lol Just playin... But, i would be sad...
m-m-m m-m-m 9 years
I'm one of the few that said "clap your hands" I think a do-over now and then is good. Next time around, NO flashing banner ads or NO myspace!
hexidecimalhack hexidecimalhack 9 years
I'm a computer technician and computer phone support person, so I understand that when these things happen nothing can be done. (lol, what an emergency) I'm a big game junkie, so I'd probably play some FFVII or read. ^^
SpinKitty SpinKitty 9 years
I'd have more time to read and to do crafts. I lived before the internet, I'd make due. I'd miss the research possibilities, though.
Kate14909563 Kate14909563 9 years
I would get to go home from work early! I would call my boyfriend since he would be flipping out.
Twinkle1 Twinkle1 9 years
I'd have a minor meltdown and then read a book.
c0rkie c0rkie 9 years
oh dear gawd. please don't say its a possibility!
Schaianne Schaianne 9 years
I start jonesing after a couple days!!
krystalmak krystalmak 9 years
lol the video's so realistic.. lol duude.. sick ads when they're listing what he was doing
mandykw mandykw 9 years
:ROTFL: This video was brilliant!
candy-apple candy-apple 9 years
die. the internet is the only link i have to my boyfriend right now. it's very expensive to call germany from here, especially on a cell phone and being that we like to talk several hours a day there's no way we could afford that.. :(
intensebandgeek intensebandgeek 9 years
I don't know what I'd do without the internet!
Memory Quiz
How to Create a Snapchat Geofilter For Your Wedding
Fiona the Baby Hippo
How to Turn Off Snap Map
From Our Partners
Latest Technology & Gadgets
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds