The following post was originally featured on We Know Stuff and written by Julie Clark, who is part of POPSUGAR Collective.
Fairness is very important to them, as well as understanding why we do what we do, so remember that they do best with clear cut rules and expectations.
Have you ever chosen to do something you really didn't want to do? Have you ever had to "take one for the team?" There are times in life we all need to do this, and this act is something we typically learn during childhood.
For those on the Autism Spectrum, this lesson can be a little more challenging to take to heart. One of the hallmarks of autism is the difficulty in standing in someone else's shoes, so to speak. On a family level, this can manifest as not wanting to take turns choosing different activities. It can mean having a meltdown in the middle of a vacation when we're smack in the middle of a mini golf course and he would rather be in the pool, or refusing to eat anything for dinner if the "wrong" restaurant is picked. So, how do we motivate these kids to participate in activities that are not of their choosing? How do we help them control their disappointment, which often is often manifested in verbal frustration, anger, and tears?
And, let's be real. As parents and siblings, it can also be difficult when anyone makes it hard to enjoy something you've been looking forward to. It's only human to feel a sense of sadness, loss, of being "held captive" to the person who seems only content to do what they want to do. As parents, we can be at our wits' end. (In fairness, isn't this true of anyone who acts this way, Autism Spectrum or not?)
For these kids, it can be hard seeing the bigger picture. It is our responsibility as parents to help them do just that. Keep in mind telling a child on the Autism Spectrum to "put yourself in your sister's place" isn't going to work. It's a very abstract concept and not how they think. However, there are things we can do to work toward more harmonious excursions.
Remember, those on the Autism Spectrum do best with clear cut rules and expectations. Fairness is very important to them, as well as understanding why we do what we do. In other words, unlike with many neurotypical kids, explanations really do work a lot of the time for motivating kids with ASD. Many really do want to understand why we make the choices we do (even if they disagree with them). Here are a few things to try and consider before your next outing.
Keep in mind that change doesn't usually happen overnight. Our daughter still protests when we do something she is less than thrilled about. However, as she is older, she is now able to verbalize why she doesn't want to do whatever it is. Many times, it comes back to SPD or anxiety, but sometimes, it's just being self-focused (something we are all guilty of from time to time, right?). A little patience and perseverance over the long haul really do go a long way!
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