Parenting expert Amy McCready shares her advice on how to make sure your children aren't being spoiled too much at home in this post originally featured on Fatherly.
Crib Notes summarize all the parenting books you'd read if you weren't too busy parenting. For great advice in chunks so small a toddler wouldn't even choke on them, go here.
One thing should be clear to any parent who is paying attention: children are monsters. If you've never called your child an egocentric, entitled tyrant (at least to yourself), chances are you're not spending enough time with him or her. Even Gandhi, by his own admission, was a little turd as a kid. Qualities like empathy and selflessness don't just happen, they have to be learned. That's just science.
According to parenting pundits, social critics, and self-righteous adults, there is an "epidemic" of entitlement among kids (or anyone younger than us, in general) these days. Parenting expert Amy McCready has done some research on this egotistic plague in her book The Me, Me, Me Epidemic. She identifies the hapless child of the '70s self-esteem movement as Patient Zero and traces the vectors of contagion to our current crop of spoiled narcissists.
In addition to the boilerplate lamentations about today's well-meaning parents ruining their children, McCready includes an exhaustive manual on how to "un-entitle" our kids in every aspect of their lives. Surprisingly, she reports that results can be achieved by means other than abject cruelty.
Because you're a special snowflake, her advice has been sifted through and distilled just for you. (The crust is even cut off.)
You give your baby everything they want (and more) because they're adorable. Of course, you love them more than anything and want them to stop their infernal caterwauling. But if you allow this pattern to extend beyond infancy, everyone loses.
What You Can Do With This
Per McCready, the most important tool for avoiding or mitigating childhood entitlement is "Mind, Body, and Soul Time" (MBST). It's a dedicated 10-minute period of being fully present with your child so that they feel like they are being listened to and don't act out in the aforementioned, attention-seeking ways.
There's a fine line between "extra cuddles" and taking advantage. When do you lay down the law? Well, it's never too late to introduce rules, as long as you are clear about them and stand your ground. Let your kids know that they don't get a special treat for not being an assh*le in public. If you say they can use your iPad for only 15 minutes a day, there will be tears, but they'll get used to it.
Be the grownup. Model respectful communication when your kids are around. Even though you might whine, complain, wheedle, and snipe when they're not within earshot.
Things may go more smoothly when we continue to wait on our little Lords and Ladies Fauntleroy hand-and-foot. But by denying them opportunities to rise to the tasks for which they are developmentally ready, you create roadblocks to their future independence.
What You Can Do With This
Age-appropriate tasks can include:
When parents bulldoze obstacles out of their kids' paths, they run around cleaning up after them when they make mistakes. When you deliver Little Johnny's forgotten lunchbox to school so he doesn't get hungry, you prevent him from learning a crucial life lesson.
What You Can Do With This
Logical consequences should be carefully considered, and should follow the "5 R's":
Allowing and imposing consequences will make your life easier, but you have to keep up with the MBST, so your kid feels heard and empowered. Otherwise a steady diet of nothing but consequences could turn them into hard-bitten cynics. Like your parents.