You have the talk with your partner, and the two of you decide it's in the best interest for you to stay home and raise the kids, whether it's for a few months, a few years, or life. Everything seems settled and agreed upon . . . until it's not. Little comments and questions pop up out of nowhere from your partner regarding your "at-home" status, and so you start to feel defensive. Isn't being a mother valuable, and furthermore, isn't this what you two decided upon? Here are a few signs that your partner isn't too happy about your stay-at home position and how to handle it.
Does your partner like to remind you how he pays the bills . . . and you don't? When it comes to discussions regarding money, do your opinions go unheard, invalidated, or ignored? If any of these things are happening, it may be that your partner resents being the sole provider. Even if you all agreed to this, it's quite possible that this situation is not working out for him either because the money is too tight or he feels too much stress being the only income for the home.
If you say you're tired, does your partner respond with "Why?" or "Imagine how I feel"? Do you frequently feel as if it's a battle of "who has it the hardest" — the working partner or at-home partner? Are you trying to defend yourself by sharing the things you do day in and day out that qualify as "work" in order to converse with your spouse, who feels his daily agenda is harder than yours? Your partner may be trying to send you a message: my life is harder because you don't work.
Do your complaints or concerns about your daily life get shrugged off because, well, you're at home with the kids? No big deal? I mean, "What do you do again?" Your partner may not say this outright, but you have the sneaking suspicion that his comments are suggesting that life at home is the good life.
It's the weekend, so you're hoping your partner might take over for a bit so you could rest or do something like urinate by yourself, but your partner is resistant to giving you some R&R, even for an hour or two. Or maybe on his days off or before he leaves for work, you would like to go to the gym or do something that doesn't involve your offspring, but your main squeeze doesn't seem too peachy over you getting in "me time"? That's a surefire sign that your guy is a bit angry about you not working.
OK, so we've dished about the signs, but what do you do if you think your partner's not too keen about the current dynamic in your household? You can:
At the end of the day, maybe your man is just having a period of depression or stress and things could settle back again smoothly, but talking frankly about this will help both of you later on down the line. No matter what you both choose to do, be sure to be aware of the family finances, even if your partner manages them. Never, ever be blind to money matters!