Even once the ink on the divorce papers has dried, there's still work to do when there are children involved. The learning curve while going through a divorce and the whole coparenting dynamic is infinite. Just because the marriage is over does not mean the relationship is. I got divorced in my 30s when my daughter was a toddler. It was messy and heartbreaking, and all of us had to go through an adjustment period. There are legal documents and parenting plans, and everything is laid out for splitting time, including during the holidays, but coparenting is so much more than that.
I navigated through the daily logistics and after a few months felt like I was getting into a groove. But the holidays killed me. While we worked with our attorneys to give us both equal time during all relevant holidays, it's totally different seeing your life splayed out on legal documents than it is actually living it — especially during the holidays, when there is such a focus on family and emotions can run high. But after almost a decade of being divorced and even remarrying and having a blended family, I've learned a few things.
Coparenting is certainly not a fairy tale, and some have it down more than others. It evolves and grows. It can be challenging on a normal day, so it can feel even more difficult during the holidays. There are no steadfast rules, and everyone has different circumstances. Of all the things I have learned over the years while coparenting a child, the most important is that if we are both willing to put our child first, then we are doing something right, on holidays and all the other days, too.