Life as a 20-something is difficult enough without the torture that is scrolling through social media on a Sunday night and being assaulted with what seems like hundreds of fresh engagements. Usually you take a quick peek at the ring, text any relevant friends with a screen grab and an "ugh," and get on with your idle social media-ing. That is, until you scroll through to one of those photos and it's your ex's smiling face staring back at you, clutching an equally happy person with a rock on their finger — that's when sh*t gets real.
This is not a drill — these are the 14 stages of emotion that occur upon finding out your ex is engaged.
You tell yourself the ring isn't your taste anyway and that their cheesy grins don't bother you.
But also probably a ton of bad times, hence the "ex" status. (But ugh, you wanted to be the one with good news to share on social media first.)
Hey, maybe you'll even send a card to congratulate the happy couple!
You'd assure them you aren't serious about sending a card, it's just a joke . . . no need for an intervention (dammit, you were kind of serious though, weren't you?).
You totally are. You're a rock star. Forget them and their shiny rings and cheesy grins.
OK, maybe you just need to get a few tears out — no matter how things ended between you two, this is still a shock.
You idiot, stop that.
Which probably started over something super petty like leaving hair on the soap or never doing dishes, then transitioned into your deeper issues as a couple.
That was stupid, they were stupid, and it completely brought to light your need to move on with your life . . . without them in it.
You're a confident, attractive, successful person without them (maybe you even have someone a million times better than them now). Go you!
Cheers!
You are a badass adult who can handle it all.
And you know what, when you really think about it, you totally are.
And you silently wish the odds be ever in their favor when one of them starts leaving hairs on the soap or piles of dishes in the sink.