Why You Need to Get Your Hands on a Bearded Man ASAP

OK, not really. But wouldn't that be cool?

All the greats have had beards. Jake Gyllenhaal, Brad Pitt, Idris Elba, Ryan Gosling . . . and, my personal favorite, Kit Harington.

You can always count on a bearded beau to be trendy. Also, if you haven't already noticed, there seems to be a signature go-to look for all truly bearded men: faded jeans, rugged boots, white v-neck tee. How could you not be into that?

Any man can grow facial hair, but not every man can grow a wow-worthy beard. Remember that. #NeckBeardsDon'tCount

Contrary to popular belief, the maintenance of a facial mane requires effort. There's a lot of combing and trimming involved in getting it to look just right. So, take this as a sign that he cares about his appearance — it's a good thing!

We know it, Jared Leto knows it: beards give guys a really strong air of seriousness. No one will ever mess with you if you're on the arm of a bearded man.

Don't get us wrong; we love the subtlety of a five-o'clock shadow, but when a man's facial hair goes from stubble to beard, something mystical happens. It's no longer prickly, but rather so, so soft. It's hard to keep your hands off a good beard.

Beards turn boys into men. There are tons of perks to dating a guy who looks way older than he actually is — you won't get carded as much when the two of you are out and about, that's for sure.

Or perhaps a more apt word is hot.

From my experience, bearded men are a sensitive bunch. That rough, beautifully hairy exterior is usually masking an inner softie who is aware of his feelings — and yours.

Anything that comes out of a mouth surrounded by a good amount of hair just sounds better. It doesn't really matter what a handsome bearded man is saying, or if it is superobscure and doesn't make sense; he can get away with it.

You will most likely never get bored with bearded fellas. They'll excite you with their love for arcane literature, their favorite documentaries, and their intrigue with exotic foods.

No man with a good beard ever has a bad head of hair. Or bad eyebrows. Unless he's bald, which is its own brand of hot.

Speaking in made-up statistics, around 80 percent of bearded men are also tatted. It's a glorious combo.

Bearded men are the ONLY men who can successfully rock a "Canadian tuxedo," aka denim on denim.

In order to commit to such a signature look, they have to have a fair amount of confidence. Kudos to a guy who is sure of his image — it's usually a good indication that he's confident in other aspects of his life.

Men with beards are always down for a good time out in the wild. It's a scientific fact. Date a guy with a beard, and adventures will always ensue.

Beards bring a whole 'nother dimension to making out.

Whether they are actually strong and burly doesn't really matter. Boys with facial hair just evoke the sense that they can punch a hole in a wall or uproot a tree with their bare hands.

They usually love whiskey, know all the best hangouts, and will take you along for the ride.

Guys with beards are hip. You, by association, will also be hip. If you never thought you were the type to ride fixies or obsess over pour-over coffee, date a bearded man, and you'll finally understand it all.

Is there anything left to be said?