We'll take time out of our day to watch Jeff Goldblum do pretty much anything. Whether it's a totally off-the-rails TV interview [1] or a food truck venture [2], the finer-with-age actor [3] has a way of turning every task into something hilarious (and handsome). So when he sat down with GQ to rank actual fan tattoos inspired by, well, himself, it's not exactly a surprise that it turned into a seven-minute chain of grade-A Goldblumisms such as:

• "Of course, it's a whimsical representation of the relationship that I would have with a velociraptor . . . "
• "I give it 10 Goldblums out of a possible 10 Goldblums."
• "This looks like a lady or man with a very shapely, lovely leg, and the color of skin like a freshly peeled apple."
• "What kind of limb is that? It's a fleshy, fleshy appendage."
• "The tattoo itself is a weird affair. There's much foliage."

And, most importantly, there's this gem: "I wish I were looking at that and eating a nice plate of huevos rancheros, chips and salsa, and a nice margarita." Don't we all, Jeff . . . don't we all? Do yourself a favor and give the entire tattoo-ranking session a watch above; it'll only serve to solidify your crush!