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[1]

If you've ever wondered how the vacations you go on with your BFFs stack up to the ones Kim Kardashian organizes [2], the reality star is here to tell you. To celebrate Kourtney Kardashian's 38th birthday, the sisters arranged a girls-only trip to Tulum, Mexico, with friends Jen Atkin, Joyce Bonelli, Stephanie Sheppard, Malika and Khadijah Haqq, Brittny Gastineau, and Larsa Pippen. If you thought it would consist of only some innocent sunbathing (and underboob flaunting) on the beach [3], think again. Kim decided to give fans a play-by-play [4] of what the gang was up to via Twitter, which she kicked off with a blurry photo of what looks like everyone cuddling a giant inflatable penis . . .

Currently pic.twitter.com/wYKCX08N5k [6]

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017 [7]

. . . followed by a series of tweets that leaves no member of the group unscathed.

Kourtney

. @kourtneykardash [8] threw up in her bed 4 times and slept in it

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017 [9]

Oh and @kourtneykardash [10] won't stop doing naked cart wheels

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017 [11]

Jen

. @jenatkinhair [12] spiked my Oreo shake to try to get me to not eat it because she's fat shaming me

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017 [13]

🍦mood 🍦#FuckYouJenAtkin [14] pic.twitter.com/fR5AFAvyAe [15]

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017 [16]

Larsa

. @larsapippen [17] tried to give me a "special" brownie and I threatened to sue her & the chef

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017 [18]

Britt

. @BrittGastineau [19] skinny dipped solo and then disappeared for the two days

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017 [20]

Stephanie

. Nicole Reda had a 10 min black out & tried to fight @steph_shep [21]

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017 [22]

Joyce and Malika

. @jOYCEBONELLi [23] put nipple clamps on @ForeverMalika [24]

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017 [25]

Sarah

. @sarahrhoward [26] tweaked her neck twerking (I will snap chat videos soon)

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017 [27]

Khadijah

. @ForeverMalika [28] @ForeverKhadijah [29] All I will say is...2 twins 1 jet ski

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017 [30]

And what has Kim been doing throughout all of this? Well . . .

Oh and as for me you ask? ...I'm just sitting here on the beach with my flawless body

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017 [31]

Of course she is [32].