One upside to seeing the critically panned Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice [1] is that you get to talk about it afterward. Ben Affleck [2] and Henry Cavill's highly anticipated superhero flick isn't quite the second coming of The Dark Knight, but there's still a lot to address. Gal Gadot is fabulous as Wonder Woman [3], there is an actual reason Batman and Superman are fighting [4], and the film does (very briefly) introduce the rest of the Justice League [5]. If you did end up seeing the movie, here are 24 perfectly reasonable responses you may have had.
When Bruce Wayne aka Batman Shows Up
When He Looks Up at Superman With Disdain For Destroying the City
When Suddenly the Movie Flashes Forward 18 Months
When Clark Kent aka Superman Gets in the Bath With Lois Fully Clothed
Come on, you're going to flood the bathroom.
When You Realize Batman Is Branding People Now
When Lex Luthor Shows Up
Then He Starts Talking
Then Diana Prince aka Wonder Woman Slinks In
When Batman Hisses "Do You Bleed?" at Superman
It's so much cooler in the trailer.
When You Realize There's a Literal Jar of Pee on the Table
Then Lex Blows Up the Capitol With All Those People in It
During Batman's Shirtless Training Montage
He's just so attractive.
When Superman's Adoptive Father (Kevin Costner) Turns Up on a Mountain
When the Justice League Members Make Their Cameo
And It's . . .
Their appearance [6] is less than satisfying.
When Batman Realizes Superman's Mom Is Named Martha Too
When Batman Tells Martha, "I'm a Friend of Your Son's"
When General Zod's Dead Body Turns Into Doomsday
When Wonder Woman Comes to the Rescue
She's the biggest badass in this movie [7].
And Lois Lane Is Doing Some Sh*t With the Kryptonite
Just stop, Lois. Stop.
And Superman DIES
And You Realize He's Not Coming Back
Except Probably For Justice League
I mean, he already signed up [8].
Then When That Dirt Rises Ever So Slightly Above His Coffin
THAT HAPPENS, RIGHT?!