We've spent more than half a decade with The Walking Dead [1], and in that time, we've realized quite a lot of things. Not only have we been emotionally scarred for life [2] time and time again, but we've watched the cast change so much [3], fallen head over heels for Daryl Dixon [4], and even found a few moments to laugh [5]. In all these seasons, though, there's been a pretty constant presence: hundreds of thousands of walkers. We thought it was kind of strange that the undead are such a big part of the show, but they never get any dialogue. To remedy the situation, we tried to imagine what they'd say if they could speak. Read on to get inside those dead, rotting heads.

— Additional reporting by Quinn Keaney

"Damn, Paula, you didn't have to roast me that hard."

"DINNER'S READY!"

"U up?"

"These sweatpants are all that fit me right now, OK?"

"Is this how you wink? Am I doing it now? How 'bout now. Now? OK, now. Like this?"

"WHAT YEAR IS IT?"

"You want a piece of this?"

"I can only hold this fart in for, like, two more minutes at the most, Mike."

"I texted him three times, Darla. Three times in a row! And he still ignored me!"

"OMFG ARE THOSE YEEZYS???"

"Does this knife make my neck look fat?"

"Mom, you're embarrassing me."

"What's the point of this? What's the point of ANYTHING?"

"What did I say about turning the thermostat warmer than 67 degrees? WHAT did I SAY?"

"Man, I did some messed up sh*t last night. I should call Brenda and say sorry."

"If it's not on sale, then why do you have it in the sale section?"

"Yasss, Gaga, you look so good! Slayyyyy!"

"Come on, there's room enough for two."

"I FORGOT TO PUT ON DEODORANT THIS MORNING."

"You did NOT just talk about my man that way. Say it again. Say it to my FACE."

"Are you still serving breakfast?!"

"I accidentally liked her Instagram photo from 57 weeks ago, HOW DO YOU THINK MY DAY IS GOING?"

"Sir, I'm going to need you to take a step back and wait your turn."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"You gonna eat those?"

"At least this line is smaller than the one I waited in for cronuts last week."

"SIR, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING?"

"Wait, take like, one more. Just for safety. Is this my best side? Is my hair OK?"

"How's it hangin', hot stuff?"

"Crap, what was that safe word again? Anyway, I'm like, kind of done."

"Excuse me, miss? Which aisle can I find the dry shampoo in?"

"I'm very adventurous and I love hiking. Right swipe and let's hit the trails LOL!"

"If you pronounce 'GIF' as 'JIF' one more time, I will make you even more dead than you are now."

"I said two inches off the top. TWO INCHES, MARY."

"Pardon me? Do you happen to have any extra power bars? Some water, perhaps?"

"Is there a cover charge to get in right now?"

"Can you stop mumbling and speak UP, please?"

"Hello from the other SIIIIIIIDE!"