I was minding my own business a few weeks ago when I noticed that Homeward Bound was one of the movies coming to Netflix in April [1]. I immediately flashed back to my family room, circa '95, watching this movie over and over and feeling straight-up dead inside. This Disney movie is subtitled The Incredible Journey, but The Soul-Crushing Journey would have been more accurate. If you've never heard of it, just turn around and pretend you never saw this. If you have, and the intense feeling of dread is spreading all over your body, you're not alone. Together, we can overcome.
So This Family Has 2 Awesome Dogs and a Beautiful Cat
That's Chance with his human, Jamie.
But They Have to Move and They Temporarily Leave Their Pets With a Friend
She has a ranch and everything is cool until she goes on some weird cattle trip and the animals think they've been abandoned.
Sassy the Cat Is Like, "LOL That Would Never Happen"
#2beautifulforthisworld.
Shadow, the Leader of the Group, Convinces the Others That They Have to Go Find Their Family
Shadow knows his buddy Peter would never abandon him, so something must be terribly wrong.
So They Head Out Into the Wilderness
Ugh, stressful.
Like, the Actual Rugged Terrain of the Sierra Nevadas
This is basically the Donner Party of family-friendly animal movies.
They Get Into Some Crazy Sh*t
They almost drown, Chance gets disfigured by a porcupine, they literally rescue a lost child, Chance gets put in a terrifying animal shelter (I have never been so anxious in my whole life, TBH).
Oh, And There's a BEAR
They almost get eaten by a BEAR.
All the While, Sassy Is Like, "Where's My Fancy Feast?"
Personality goals.
But They Get Through It All, Because They're Smart and Great and Stuff
Look at these champions.
Then, TRAGEDY STRIKES
Right as they're nearing home (seriously how did they even manage this), Chance and Shadow fall into a muddy hole.
And Shadow Is Totally Done
He's resigned to just die in the hole.
Chance Won't Take No For an Answer
Why did they do this to us.
Shadow Is Like, "Eff Off, Bro, I Can't Do It"
JUST TRY SHADOW. FOR US.
Chance Will Not Let Him Give Up
Who even greenlit this movie.
But Chance Gets Out and Sprints Home
Look at his floppy jowls!
Jamie Can't Even Deal
The whole family happens to be in the backyard playing basketball together, because this was the '90s.
Sassy Comes Over the Hill Next
"I'm back, b*tches!" — she didn't say, because this is a Disney movie.
Hope Is Overjoyed
Because only girls like cats, right Disney?! Sexism is real.
And Finally, When We've Lost All Hope, SHADOW COMES OVER THE HILL
WHO'S THE BEST BOY?
Peter Is the Happiest Child That Ever Existed
Wait for it.
They Reunite and Your Heart Became Whole Again
And now you can never ever leave your pets alone for more than two hours because you KNOW they will think you've abandoned them. Thanks a lot, Homeward Bound.