Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey Movie
A Note to Everyone Who Was Emotionally Terrorized by Homeward Bound
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I was minding my own business a few weeks ago when I noticed that Homeward Bound was one of the movies coming to Netflix in April. I immediately flashed back to my family room, circa '95, watching this movie over and over and feeling straight-up dead inside. This Disney movie is subtitled The Incredible Journey, but The Soul-Crushing Journey would have been more accurate. If you've never heard of it, just turn around and pretend you never saw this. If you have, and the intense feeling of dread is spreading all over your body, you're not alone. Together, we can overcome.
So This Family Has 2 Awesome Dogs and a Beautiful Cat
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But They Have to Move and They Temporarily Leave Their Pets With a Friend
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Sassy the Cat Is Like, "LOL That Would Never Happen"
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Shadow, the Leader of the Group, Convinces the Others That They Have to Go Find Their Family
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So They Head Out Into the Wilderness
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Like, the Actual Rugged Terrain of the Sierra Nevadas
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They Get Into Some Crazy Sh*t
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Oh, And There's a BEAR
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All the While, Sassy Is Like, "Where's My Fancy Feast?"
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But They Get Through It All, Because They're Smart and Great and Stuff
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Then, TRAGEDY STRIKES
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And Shadow Is Totally Done
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Chance Won't Take No For an Answer
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Shadow Is Like, "Eff Off, Bro, I Can't Do It"
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Chance Will Not Let Him Give Up
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But Chance Gets Out and Sprints Home
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Jamie Can't Even Deal
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Sassy Comes Over the Hill Next
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Hope Is Overjoyed
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And Finally, When We've Lost All Hope, SHADOW COMES OVER THE HILL
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Peter Is the Happiest Child That Ever Existed
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They Reunite and Your Heart Became Whole Again
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