If you're reading this, it means that season four of Orange Is the New Black [1] is officially out in the world. I applaud you for coming out of your viewing hole to read about the premiere — I know that the lure of Litchfield can be strong. We'll get through this together, though, and to start with, let's take a look back at all the emotions you cycled through during the season premiere. A quick warning that I will definitely be spoiling events from the first episode for you!

When the Intro Music Cues Up

When Lolly Saves Alex

When Piper Says She's "Gangsta"

When Crazy Eyes Is Feeling Maureen's Earlobe

When Lolly Says, "Cosby Dream Shot"

When Morello Is Talking About Her Wedding

Then When No One Cares

When Crazy Eyes Realizes That Maureen Is Actually Crazier Than Her

When Judy King and Luschek Are Bonding

When Caputo Implies That Maureen Did Something Really Bad in Her Past

When Poussey Is So Starstruck by Judy

When Alex Has to Kill the Hitman

When Healy Struts In With His Jamba Juice

When Alex and Lolly Have to Cut Up the Hitman . . .

. . . While "Last Resort" by Papa Roach Is Playing