I realize that I'm in a privileged and unique position when I say that divorce has never been a big part of my family's story; both sets of my children's grandparents are still married, as are most of our extended family and close friends. So when we got some new neighbors, a blended family with three kids and two adults planning for a second marriage, my second-grader was intrigued. "Why don't the kids live with both of their parents? Are they brother and sisters even though they aren't really related? Are a lot of families' situations similar to this one? Is this something that might eventually happen to our family?"
Like with most complicated issues, I tried to be as honest with her as seemed appropriate for her age. Yes, divorce is something that happens to many families, I told her. Some parents try very hard to stay together, but they just can't get along and eventually realize that their family will be happier if they live apart. Of course, that doesn't mean they love their children any less or are less committed to being the best parents possible. And no, she didn't need to worry about it happening to our family. Her father and I get along quite well (well, most of the time) and plan to be together forever.
She seemed to accept those facts pretty easily, but it's a conversation I'm prepared to continue as she gets older and divorce inevitably reenters her life through friends and acquaintances. If your kids are starting to ask about divorce or you find yourself in a situation where an explanation seems necessary, here's how to start the discussion.