Experience is the father, or mother, of wisdom, and no truer does this ring than with parents. Sure, you can read all the books, but nothing prepares you for parenthood more than actually being a parent yourself — just ask most been-there-done-that parents. Not only are there quite a few things the parenting books don't tell you [1], but they've also got nothing on actually raising a child. So whether you're just starting out as a parent or you're in the thick of it, get ahead of the game with a few practical dos and don'ts of parenting.
Source: Flickr user Michael Bentley [2]
Don't go into details about what she is eating.
If you want to see a child stop dead in their tracks, then by all means explain that the dinner she is chowing on is secretly laced with onions, mushrooms, and spinach.
Source: Flickr user Donnie Ray Jones [3]
Do get creative with naming foods.
Breakfast cupcakes instead of muffins. Baby trees instead of broccoli. Turtle juice instead of a kale smoothie. And when it comes to meat, always say it's chicken.
Source: Flickr user David Dennis [4]
Don't tell your child about an exciting trip too far in advance.
Unless of course you enjoy saying the phrase, "Nope, we're not going to Disney today."
Source: Flickr user Jarrett Campbell [5]
. . . and planned visits from Grandma and Grandpa.
Source: Flickr user Dana [6]
Do figure out creative ways to avoid telling your kid he's going to be getting a shot.
Without actually lying to him about it.
Source: Flickr user Toshimasa Ishibashi [7]
Don't ever tell a child that you're putting him to bed early.
Guess who can't read time yet? Small children. This means that, unless you want them to have a meltdown upon hearing the word "early," then Mama is the only one who needs to know what time they are actually going to bed.
Source: Flickr user Kelly Sikkema [8]
Do realize that you can't reason with crazy.
And by crazy I mean toddlers.
Source: Flickr user Andrea [9]
Don't give any other measurements of time other than, "Mommy will be right back."
When dropping off a child at preschool, and said child asks when you'll be back, the answer is always, "Mommy will be right back." Not after Mommy gets her nails done, not after Mommy cleans the house, not after Mommy takes a nap . . .
Source: Flickr user David D [10]
Do recognize when the ice cream truck is all out of ice cream.
Nine out of 10 seasoned parents know that the ice cream truck only plays music when it's all sold out of ice cream (wink, wink).
Source: Flickr user Ezra Wolfe [11]
Don't let your child out of the shopping cart mid-shopping trip.
Unless, of course, you really want to work on your patience for the remainder of your errand.
Source: Flickr user Doug Waldron [12]
Do everything in your power to stop a sneeze during naptime.
. . . or anytime when your baby has just fallen asleep. The same goes for coughs.
Source: Flickr user mcfarlandmo [13]
Don't actually close your eyes when a small child asks you to.
Especially, and I can't stress this enough, if he asks you to open your mouth at the same time.
Source: Flickr user Alex O [14]
Do assume everything you do and say will be repeated.
In an attempt to get a group of kids to smile for a picture, I absent stupidly shouted, "Everyone say Poopy!" Big mistake. Huge. All the kids took the use of the word and ran with it. (Though I will say, I did get the shot.)
Source: Flickr user ActiveSteve [15]
Don't get your friends' kids annoying presents.
Because, karma.
Source: Flickr user MissMessie [16]
Do assume that the person who gave your child a harmonica secretly hates you.
The same goes for anyone who gifts squeaky shoes, recorders, drums, and that ridiculous guitar that makes music in the form of barking dogs.
Source: Flickr user Michael Bentley [17]
Don't start a routine unless you plan on doing it daily for an undetermined amount of time.
Kids are creatures of habit, so routine is good. But adding a little something extra (like saying goodnight to all your kiddo's stuffed animals) may mean you'll have to do it for months to come. Tread lightly, my friend.
Source: Flickr user Mark Baylor [18]
Do "edit" toys when your kid is sleeping.
Or at school. Or at Grandma's. Never when she is in sight.
Source: Flickr user Kurt Nordstrom [19]
Don't jump to your own conclusions.
One time my 5-year old asked me, "Mommy, how come they put Justin Bieber in jail?" A moment of panic went through my brain, and I raced through how I was going to talk to her about the negatives of drinking and drugs and how bad decisions can ruin your life. And while I was planning and thinking this was way too young to be having this conversation, she followed up with, "I mean, a beaver would be able to crawl through the bars, right?" Crisis averted. "You're so right, honey, it's silly to put a beaver in jail."
Source: Flickr user bp6316 [20]
Do learn the fine art of answering a question with a question.
Allow me to demonstrate. "Daddy, how are babies made?" Pause. "Well honey, how do you think babies are made?"
Source: Flickr user bark [21]
Don't take yourself (or lists like this) too seriously.
You may agree or disagree with everything on this list, but one thing we can all agree on is that parenting is a crazy journey — and I don't know about you, but I choose to have fun along the way, which means I've got to laugh at my mommy self!
Source: Flickr user Dan Lundberg [22]