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Whether we like it or not, candy-corn season is already upon us, and this year, the classic yellow, orange, and white morsels [2] have undergone quite the unexpected makeover. Brach's quietly released bags of — brace yourselves, folks — turkey-dinner-flavored candy corn, and if you're suddenly feeling nauseous, you're not alone. The unannounced treats have started popping up on shelves at Walgreens stores, beckoning shoppers with their fall-foliage-themed packaging and likely encouraging double takes.
Each candy bit has a different flavor and corresponding color based on one of six Thanksgiving dishes [3]. The green one allegedly tastes like green beans, the roasted-turkey piece has a yellow bottom and brown tip, and the ginger-glazed-carrot one is all orange. Meanwhile, stuffing-lovers will (cautiously) want to reach for the candy with a white base and orange tip, and the sweet-potato-pie bit has a white tip and orange base. Oh, and you can't forget the cranberry sauce! That one's all red, of course.
So, how do they actually taste? According to Instagram user puppreviews [5], who has tried all six flavors, some are better than others. They described the sweet-potato-pie flavor as "amazing" and the carrot flavor as "sweet and delicious with a little bit of spice," but the roasted-turkey flavor is apparently "downright wrong to be in candy." *pretends to be shocked*
Brach's has yet to share any official information about its new Thanksgiving-inspired candy corn, but when it does, I have several questions and thoughts I'd love for it to address, bulleted in detail below:
- I urgently need to know how the idea for turkey-dinner-flavored candy corn even came about. Was there a pitch meeting at the Brach's headquarters where team members could toss out ideas for the most internet-breaking flavors? If so, what other ideas does the brand have on the back burner for the future? Perhaps pizza- or pickle-flavored candy corn?
- Who ultimately signed off on the production of this candy? Were they just like, "Ya know what? This year's been whack already; let's just do it up"?
- Was there any sort of taste test before the product hit shelves? If so, were alcoholic beverages involved to numb the taste buds of those involved?
- Where on earth is the mashed-potatoes-and-gravy flavor? Justice for mashed taters!
- Is there a way to erase something from your memory entirely? Because I may need to do so after analyzing this candy so closely.
Until I get the answers to these highly important inquiries, you can find me trying my darnedest to keep my food down.