Turkey-Dinner-Flavored Candy Corn Is Now a Thing, and Suddenly, I'm Feeling Queasy

Whether we like it or not, candy-corn season is already upon us, and this year, the classic yellow, orange, and white morsels have undergone quite the unexpected makeover. Brach's quietly released bags of — brace yourselves, folks — turkey-dinner-flavored candy corn, and if you're suddenly feeling nauseous, you're not alone. The unannounced treats have started popping up on shelves at Walgreens stores, beckoning shoppers with their fall-foliage-themed packaging and likely encouraging double takes.

Each candy bit has a different flavor and corresponding color based on one of six Thanksgiving dishes. The green one allegedly tastes like green beans, the roasted-turkey piece has a yellow bottom and brown tip, and the ginger-glazed-carrot one is all orange. Meanwhile, stuffing-lovers will (cautiously) want to reach for the candy with a white base and orange tip, and the sweet-potato-pie bit has a white tip and orange base. Oh, and you can't forget the cranberry sauce! That one's all red, of course.

So, how do they actually taste? According to Instagram user puppreviews, who has tried all six flavors, some are better than others. They described the sweet-potato-pie flavor as "amazing" and the carrot flavor as "sweet and delicious with a little bit of spice," but the roasted-turkey flavor is apparently "downright wrong to be in candy." *pretends to be shocked*

Brach's has yet to share any official information about its new Thanksgiving-inspired candy corn, but when it does, I have several questions and thoughts I'd love for it to address, bulleted in detail below:

  • I urgently need to know how the idea for turkey-dinner-flavored candy corn even came about. Was there a pitch meeting at the Brach's headquarters where team members could toss out ideas for the most internet-breaking flavors? If so, what other ideas does the brand have on the back burner for the future? Perhaps pizza- or pickle-flavored candy corn?
  • Who ultimately signed off on the production of this candy? Were they just like, "Ya know what? This year's been whack already; let's just do it up"?
  • Was there any sort of taste test before the product hit shelves? If so, were alcoholic beverages involved to numb the taste buds of those involved?
  • Where on earth is the mashed-potatoes-and-gravy flavor? Justice for mashed taters!
  • Is there a way to erase something from your memory entirely? Because I may need to do so after analyzing this candy so closely.

Until I get the answers to these highly important inquiries, you can find me trying my darnedest to keep my food down.