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Tina Belcher's 26-Step Guide to Being a Smart, Strong, Sensual Woman

Sep 30 2015 - 4:00pm

If you don't watch Bob's Burgers, you are missing out on one of the greatest female characters of all time (who is, ironically, voiced by a man): Tina Belcher. Tina truly is our past, present, and future, as she is the awkward, misfit teen many of us can relate to, but she's also a sexually adventurous woman who's not afraid to write erotic friend fiction and slap some butts along the way. We could all take a cue from the bespectacled middle schooler in our love lives and journey through womanhood.

Repeat After Tina . . .

You Gotta Kiss a Lot of Frogs Before Finding Your Prince

Don't Be Afraid to Be Curious About Sexuality

Let Your Erotic Freak Flag Fly

Give That Cutie Your Number

Don't Deny Your Sexual Needs

"Just when I think I'm out, those cheeks pull me right back in."

Work On Your Sensual Dance Moves

Let Yourself Sulk After a Breakup

Don't Underestimate a Good Hair Flip

Have a Dance-Off When Deciding Between Two Love Interests

"A pants-off for me?" "No, a dance-off." "That's almost as good."

It's OK to Date Around

Some Thoughts Should Stay Private . . .

Like your crotch issues.

Don't Give Up on Your Dream Significant Other

This Is How You Kick Someone Out of Your Bed

If You Have a Crush, Go For It

"I am both attracted to and intimidated by Jimmy Jr.'s interpretive mating dance."

If You're Going to Go Through a Rebellious Phase, Make Sure Your Tattoo Is Temporary

It's Important to Keep Your Options Open

Flirting Doesn't Have to Be Subtle

But There's Always Plan C

"We can make this work. We can work out a dating wheel, just like a chore wheel. Let's put the try in triangle."

Don't Let Your Mom Pressure You Into a Relationship

It's Perfectly Acceptable to Spend an Extended Amount of Time on the Floor After a Bad Day

You Can Find Inspiration to Spice Up Your Sex Life in, Um, Unexpected Places

"I'm working on a new erotic fan fiction, it's called 'The Hobbutt: An Unexpected Orgy'."

"Robots? But that does give me ideas for a new erotic fan fiction. 'Ro-Butts'."

You Never Know Where You'll Meet Your Soul Mate

Like the grocery store.

Or your Capoeira class

Flirting Isn't That Complicated

Don't Be Afraid of a Little PDA

But Even Smart, Strong, Sensual Women Should Stay Humble


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