If vintage Halloween ads [1] showed us that the key to a good All Hallows' Eve is booze, cigarettes, and pantyhose, then what do vintage Thanksgiving ads have to say about the feasting holiday? Well, mostly it revolves around questionably edible dishes, killin' turkeys, and having a glamorous kitchen! Also, ciggys that taste as good a turkey dinner. See the Thanksgiving vintage ads and their lessons now!

Choose "Gala-Worthy" Coffee

You want that coffee to be as "full-bodied" and "vigorous" as your man!

Eat Delicious Cigarettes

Is that a turkey dinner? Nope, it's just my tasty cigarette.

A Frozen Dinner Is A-OK

Just be sure to choose one that "tastes expensive."

Pick a Big Turkey

And try to ignore that whole Native American genocide part of US history.

Keep Eating

Hey, so what if you overate on Thanksgiving? Load up that day-after sandwich and have a Coke.

Vegetarians Need to Eat, Too

Yum, doesn't that vegetable loaf look delicious?

Don't Forget Grandpa!

Be sure to get corn that's "so tender even grandpa can eat it!"

Hunt Your Own Damn Turkey

You don't need a man to have a fresh turkey, and you can light your own cigarettes, thank you very much.

Don't Get Attached to the Turkey

Cuz you're going to gobble it up!

Glam Up the Kitchen

That kitchen better be as glamorous as you are, cooking all day next to the hot oven.

Be Happy-Go-Lucky!

Doesn't she look like she's having fun! Wheeeee!

Bake on a Budget

No frowny faces allowed!

It's All About Presentation

Why have one turkey when you can have four?

Have Lots of Booze

To drink away your seasonal affective disorder!