Many mothers long to be spoiled on Mother's Day [1] — as we should be. Some of us want to be surprised with a sparkly necklace or designer purse, but a lot of us are left with another "#1 Mom" mug to add to the pile [2] (it was sweet the first time, but when I can make a mug mountain as high as the ceiling, maybe it's time to switch gears). Most of our partners really try to make Mother's Day special [3], but, bless them, they often fall short of our expectations. Don't tell, but I always return my husband's Mother's Day gift attempts.
Finding something in the middle of simple and straight-up crazy can be tricky for my husband. Usually, his gifts near the side of crazy.
Look, I don't need fancy things to make me happy. I love homemade gifts from my kids and sentimental things you can't buy, but when it comes to gifts from my husband, is it too much to ask to get something I really want on the one day my hard work as a mom [4] is celebrated? No, it's not. Life is too short to be stuck with a sh*tty gift. I take it upon myself to keep that tag on, drive to the store, and exchange it for something I really want. And yes, I know I should cut my husband some slack. His job isn't easy, as my style and taste is a tad eclectic, so finding something in the middle of simple and straight-up crazy can be tricky for him. Usually, his gifts near the side of crazy.
Just last Mother's Day, I had to do the fake smile thing after opening my gift [6] (I like to think I've made it more convincing over the years). I slid my fingers underneath the flower wrapping paper and opened the box, and there sat a folded neon paisley dress. "It can be a skirt, too. See, it's multifunctional!" my husband said. He was so damn excited. I forced the corners of my lips upward — putting on an Oscar-worthy performance (in my opinion) of a happy, gift-getting mother. And I know he worked so hard on finding that gift. "Try it on," he said. Oh boy, sh*t got more real.
I went to the bedroom and tried on the dress that was too big surrounding my deflated, postkids boobs [7]. I walked out, feeling more annoyed than I probably should have been. "Stunning," my husband said. "You look beautiful." "Thank you," I said back, knowing I'd never wear the damn thing. Thankfully, he never asked about it. I was able to run to the boutique where he bought it, peruse the aisles, and find something else that fit my taste a little better.
I wonder what he'll go for this Mother's Day. A piece of jewelry maybe? Another outfit? Maybe I'll get lucky and get a gift card. I know I sound like a bit of a b*tch, since it truly is the thought that counts. But if I can take that thought back to the store and get something I'll actually wear instead, that's even better. Every Mother's Day, my husband keeps trying [9], and maybe one year he'll get it right. But until then, I'll keep dropping hints and taking his missed targets back to the store. I deserve to get what I want, even if it's only once a year.