Ah, the holidays. What gets everyone in a festive mood better than complaining about the limited-time red cups [1] at Starbucks? This year, many voiced strong, negative feelings about the purported lesbians who are holding hands at the top of the cup. While a spokeswoman for the company told The New York Times that the figures are not gender-specific [2], the rage fire continued to burn. Luckily for all of us, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert [3] offered a brilliant solution: just emblazon the cups with straight-up heterosexual pornography instead! Watch the preliminary commercial for Colbert's satirical campaign above, then pray you end up on Santa's naughty list. (Sorry, too far?)