Disneyland [1] is not at all what you think, trust us. Here are 21 reasons you really shouldn't go. You've been warned . . .
The mint juleps taste way too good.
You'll be depressed by the taste of all other juleps.
Your neck will hurt from constantly looking up at all the grand attractions.
Geez, can there not be so many architectural wonders?
There are balloons everywhere.
What's with all the pretty balloons? Like, WTF.
The park is always springing surprises on you.
Sometimes you might not feel like being surprised with confetti and joy.
The characters are TOO nice.
Why are they being so polite and obliging?
There are too many photo opportunities.
Your phone will run out of storage within, like, five minutes. Great.
Everyone who enters is happy ALL THE TIME.
Why?! Why is there so much positivity and happiness?
The mouse ear choices are so cute it might make you sick.
Like, how the freak are you supposed to choose just one? Not possible.
The It's a Small World ride will make you feel like a giant.
The world will feel, like, so big.
The weather almost never changes — it's basically nice all the time.
Can we get some storms every once in a while?
There are so many rides to go on.
Sometimes all the options can really stress a person out. Pair that with the joy and everyone is doomed.
There's a statue of Walt Disney that will make you cry.
Curse you, Disney, why make us cry?!
Apparently the place is haunted . . .
Yikes.
You have to go to a whole other place called California Adventure too.
So much work.
You always feel obligated to go on the roller coasters.
Because people say they're incredibly fun and stuff so you have to be polite, of course.
The Dole Whips are chronically addicting.
It's a problem; there should probably be Dole Whips [3] Anonymous meetings.
There are too many frozen treats to choose from.
Choices, gah, too many choices.
The rides will cause uncontrollable screams of bliss and an intense adrenaline rush.
Can you handle losing control? Not everyone can.
Parades are happening, like, all the time.
If you don't like cheerful parades, you have been warned.
At night there's all these crazy colorful lights everywhere.
I suggest sunglasses.
You will start to fall under the false notion that magic actually exists.
Seriously, being at Disneyland makes you delusional. You feel like anything is possible.