Are you losing friends on Facebook, but you don't know why? Maybe you're a "vaguebooker." Maybe you share way too much information. Or could it be that you post so frequently that people can't stand you clogging up their Facebook feed? Here, moms share the top ways to go from friend to unfriended.
Mother's Day spam is choking my inbox. Flowers! Gifts! The pressure to acknowledge Mom on Sunday is unrelenting. But my mom won't be getting flowers. She's been gone for 19 years. And even though I always sent her a Mother's Day bouquet, it would be disingenuous to say we had a close relationship. It was often tense, combative, and frustrating. It was also filled with misunderstanding and unexpressed emotion. No doubt all this was as true for her as it was for me.
But there were lots of good times. And during the last year of her life, when she was very sick, the two of us worked together every day, mending fences and hearts. Over countless games of Scrabble, which she always won, my mom and I laughed and cried and finally found the words that had eluded us.
Both of my kids are grown. Each year I appreciate our relationship more because I know I have won the gold ring of this parenting journey. You take home the gold when you have a healthy relationship with your adult kids. (Please note: My daughter and son are getting older, not me.) On Sunday, we'll all be together sharing a hike and a restaurant meal. And yes, I'm sure there will be flowers involved. But the best gifts my children always give on Mother's Day are two hand-written letters, in which they each beautifully express their love and appreciation for what they've learned from their mom. That's what Mother's Day is for. But when you think about it, none of us moms would get Sunday's preferential treatment without our kids. So it seems beyond fair that I should go public acknowledging my daughter and son for what I have learned from them. Here goes:
- My daughter taught me that anything can be fun. Bring creativity and a playful attitude to any situation and you're set.
- My son taught me that letting go of past resentments is a good way to live. Don't rehash unpleasantness; the hash was bad enough the first time around.
- My daughter taught me that exploration rocks. Seek out the unusual around the world or around the world corner, and when you find it, share it with some who will think it's cool.
- My son taught me that everyone deserves respect. Make sure to consider a kid's point of view even if you can't accommodate it at the moment.
- My daughter taught me that emotions are powerful but not permanent. Step back to give the storm a chance to wind down on its own. If you rush in, trying to fix it, you may add to the deluge.
- My son taught me that real self-confidence comes from within. Go easy on the gold stars. They're not as important as you may think.
- My daughter taught me that being organized and being creative are not mutually exclusive. Get your ducks in a row and you'll have more fun.
- My son taught me that you're never too young to know what love is. Remember that you're never too old either.
Dear Fayette, Ezra, my sweeties, I love you. Thank you for choosing me as your mom. This has always been my favorite gig. Thanks also for all that you've taught me. I look forward to learning more on the hike.
Happy Mother's Day to everyone. Enjoy . . . in joy.
Jillian M., a mom of two who is in a committed relationship and who has been flirting with a co-worker, is wondering if that makes her a bad person. Most of her friends say that flirting with a co-worker "is a definite no-no," but Jillian feels that her flirtation is harmless. There's "no touching or sexual advances whatsoever," she explains, and it's hard to end it because it satisfies her need for "a pick-me-up."
Jillian's situation is far from unique among moms. Many Circle of Moms members admit to occasional attractions and flirtations with friends, co-workers, or strangers, and many wonder how and where these innocent flirtations — whether their own or their significant other's — veer into dangerous territory for a couple in a committed relationship.
Here, Circle of Moms members offer three warning signs that an innocent flirtation could become a doorway to heartache and humiliation.
Love it or hate it, Mother's Day is right around the bend. And because not every Mother's Day is filled with appreciation, handmade cards, and a gourmet breakfast in bed followed by a day of rest and model behavior, we went hunting for some wisdom from Circle of Moms members to help us through the day.
We hope your Mom's Day is perfect . . . but if not, these quotes are for you!
Almost nothing enrages a mother more than the thought of another woman replacing her. When biological children start using any derivative of "Mom" in reference to another woman, many of us get downright territorial.
"I was devastated when my son piped up about 18 months ago with, 'Daddy said I can call his girlfriend Mummy,'" writes Brooke W., a member of the Single Moms community. "I thought it was really wrong of my ex to encourage that in a child who lives with his bio mother full-time. I guess to some it sounds silly but hearing your child call you 'Mummy' is one of motherhood's joys, and I believe, privileges. And it hurts to imagine my only child calling someone else that special title."
"She was not pregnant with him, [did not] give birth, or spend more hours awake than asleep with him," posts Jade C., also a member of the Single Moms community. Her son's biological father allowed her son to call his dad's new wife "Mom."
"I explained to my ex-husband that I birthed these children and while they need to respect his wife, she is not their mother. I am," writes Elizabeth T. in the Children with Divorced Parents community.
One busy night after the kids had gone to bed, I settled into my well-worn spot on the sofa for some mind-numbing television.
"Can you believe this guy?" I asked my husband, seated in his favorite recliner beside me. When no answer was forthcoming, I glanced over to witness an all-too-familiar scene: Deeply embedded in the recliner's cushions lay my husband of 19 years, sound asleep.
Normally, I would giggle, turn the lights out around him and go to bed — a sort of revenge for being "abandoned" for the umpteenth time. He'd eventually wake up alone in the dark and trudge upstairs to find me tee-heeing under the covers of our bed.
But on this particular night, I gawked at my dreaming husband as if I was seeing this for the first time. Is this the man I married?
Panic gripped my soul as I realized: We've changed. We're tired, boring, predictable. We're doomed.
Time is precious and it often gets away from us. As Circle of Moms member Arneo L. tells it, "No matter what, it's always hard to get in 'enough' time with the kids when you work." If you find yourself struggling to find time each day to have a heart-filling experience with your child, here are a few simple ways to enhance your routines to get more special moments with your kids.
One thing that was left out of all the pregnancy books and classes I went through during my first pregnancy was the topic of sex after kids. Sure, I learned I would have to wait six weeks after giving birth before getting busy again, but I wasn't told that that wasn't the full story.
Whether married or not, providing positive parental guidance for your children can be challenging. And when you're divorced or separated, it's only natural to find agreeing on a unified approach to parenting to be an even more difficult task.
Many moms want to follow Jenny J.'s recommendation to have a "civil co-parenting relationship," which will help the kids "do better and be better adjusted." But if you couldn't agree on anything while you were married, "how do you help your kids with a divorce while you hate their father?" Vicki M. asks. Similarly, Circle of Moms member Lisa G. says she has been separated for seven years, and she and her ex still "cannot be civil about things." Still, she believes both of them need to provide consistent rules for their daughter.
If you, too, are finding it challenging to agree on how to parent with your ex, consider the following four tips, suggested by Circle of Moms members who say they consistently communicate well — despite being separated.
Not too long ago I wrote about why I had to talk to my kids about sex offenders and how, even though it was a difficult conversation, it was one I should have had with my children a long time ago. The world our children are growing up in is very different than the world we grew up in.
Certainly, there are things kids need to know before they leave home, but there are also things they need to know about now to help protect themselves or not end up in a bad situation. Moms say that in order to help your child, there are some difficult conversations you need to have with them.