We all know the moms who always want to rain on your parade and always need you to bring sunshine to brighten their day. They suck the energy out of the room and, frankly, out of you, but since they're your friends you stick it out. But if keeping toxic mom friendships is having a negative impact on your life, it may be time to reconsider how you deal with them.
"I just yelled at my daughter . . . I yelled at her the way I never should yell at anyone, and she is shocked that I yelled at her that way . . . I feel terrible." — Katherine H.
"I'm furious, I explode, I lash out, I'm not in control of myself and I don't think." — Renee C.
"I really don't want to take out my depression and my anger on my little kids, but I always do." — Maria
Motherhood, as the moms above reveal, is not always a picnic. Every parent has moments she regrets later, moments where rage overcomes logic. As a Circle of Moms member named Maria offers, "Parenting is hard! There's so much to do and think about that we put ourselves last on the list of a million things to attend to. There is only so much neglect that we can put ourselves through before we snap."
If you let your own needs go unmet over time, an outburst at the people you're with most, including your children, is inevitable. But most of us know instinctively that it's important not to vent our frustrations on a child and that it will just make everyone feel worse.
So how do you avoid these moments? How do you know when you really need professional help to do so? Keep reading for moms' tips on gaining control over anger.
It had to be done. I had no other choice.
Let me explain why I had to hold my son up by one leg in the middle of Target . . .
With graduation season at hand, many young women are beginning new chapters of their lives and thinking deeply about their futures, including if and how motherhood will fit into their lives. So we asked women who are already in the thick of motherhood to offer words of wisdom for graduating women who want to be moms someday. Here is a selection of their heartfelt and encouraging advice for future moms.
I'm a stay-at-home mom, and most of the time, I love it. In the two-and-a-half years I've been a mom, I've worked full-time, worked part-time, and finally took a second maternity leave that hasn't ended. I'm coming up on my first anniversary of that transition from working mom to stay-at-home mom.
I adore my girls. For our family, this was the best possible scenario. I'm thankful we could make it work.
However, my new full-time job comes with long hours and very little time off. My bosses are sweet but extremely demanding. I thought I'd have more time to keep up with the house, but with two little girls home full-time, it is actually more difficult to keep up. By the time they're in their cribs, I'm exhausted. I realized a few weeks ago that since the birth of my first daughter, I have been completely alone in the house once. Once. In two-and-a-half years.
That was a revelation.
I got my tubes tied when I was 33 years old, right after the birth of my daughter. She was my third child, and even though I wasn't entirely sure that I was "done" with the whole baby-making thing, I knew that my husband and I couldn't handle any more.
I became pregnant the first time while I was on birth control. I did not know that antibiotics and birth control didn't like each other, and I unwittingly asked them to play nicely. They didn't; the antibiotics won, and I found myself in an ER in the middle of the night, writhing from the sharp pain of a kidney infection, and thinking that surely I was hallucinating when the nurse told me that I was six weeks along.
Having a baby is the most emotionally charged time of our lives. Within hours, minutes sometimes, we can swing from elation to despair and back again. The first days, weeks, and months after having a baby, our body (not to mention our life) goes through so many changes, it is no wonder we may experience massive highs and lows.
So how can we tell what are normal, natural responses to an incredibly emotional time? And what are in fact warning signs of something more sinister? Postnatal depression is discussed a little more than it used to be, but the subject of postnatal anxiety is hardly ever spoken about.
Having suffered with anxiety myself, and running a 40,000-strong online community for mental health, I have come into contact with literally thousands of anxiety sufferers. So here I have put together a checklist of what are regular emotions for new parents, and what are likely warning signs you should contemplate seeking help.
Do you think yelling and being firm are the same thing? Many parents do. They believe in order to be firm, you have to yell. I believe yelling is yelling, and that firmness is authority in action and requires no yelling.
Ask yourself this: do you think there's a connection between the intensity of a parent's voice and how much learning a child is able to accomplish? I think there is. I believe less learning occurs when parents yell at their children.
There are others who agree with me. Nikki S remembers her childhood, "I was yelled at constantly as a kid and to this day I hate yelling, if someone yells at me it makes me want to hide."
Jillian M., a mom of two who is in a committed relationship and who has been flirting with a co-worker, is wondering if that makes her a bad person. Most of her friends say that flirting with a co-worker "is a definite no-no," but Jillian feels that her flirtation is harmless. There's "no touching or sexual advances whatsoever," she explains, and it's hard to end it because it satisfies her need for "a pick-me-up."
Jillian's situation is far from unique among moms. Many Circle of Moms members admit to occasional attractions and flirtations with friends, co-workers, or strangers, and many wonder how and where these innocent flirtations — whether their own or their significant other's — veer into dangerous territory for a couple in a committed relationship.
Here, Circle of Moms members offer three warning signs that an innocent flirtation could become a doorway to heartache and humiliation.
Do you use a crayon to write your grocery list? Do you forget when your last haircut was but spend an hour photographing someone else's first time in the barber's chair? If so, we're guessing you're a mom! Click through for more funny moments that are sure signs you have a child.
