Staying Sane

I got my tubes tied when I was 33 years old, right after the birth of my daughter. She was my third child, and even though I wasn't entirely sure that I was "done" with the whole baby-making thing, I knew that my husband and I couldn't handle any more.

I became pregnant the first time while I was on birth control. I did not know that antibiotics and birth control didn't like each other, and I unwittingly asked them to play nicely. They didn't; the antibiotics won, and I found myself in an ER in the middle of the night, writhing from the sharp pain of a kidney infection, and thinking that surely I was hallucinating when the nurse told me that I was six weeks along.

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Having a baby is the most emotionally charged time of our lives. Within hours, minutes sometimes, we can swing from elation to despair and back again. The first days, weeks, and months after having a baby, our body (not to mention our life) goes through so many changes, it is no wonder we may experience massive highs and lows. 

So how can we tell what are normal, natural responses to an incredibly emotional time? And what are in fact warning signs of something more sinister? Postnatal depression is discussed a little more than it used to be, but the subject of postnatal anxiety is hardly ever spoken about.

Having suffered with anxiety myself, and running a 40,000-strong online community for mental health, I have come into contact with literally thousands of anxiety sufferers. So here I have put together a checklist of what are regular emotions for new parents, and what are likely warning signs you should contemplate seeking help.

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Do you think yelling and being firm are the same thing? Many parents do. They believe in order to be firm, you have to yell. I believe yelling is yelling, and that firmness is authority in action and requires no yelling.

Ask yourself this: do you think there's a connection between the intensity of a parent's voice and how much learning a child is able to accomplish? I think there is. I believe less learning occurs when parents yell at their children.

There are others who agree with me. Nikki S remembers her childhood, "I was yelled at constantly as a kid and to this day I hate yelling, if someone yells at me it makes me want to hide."

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Jillian M., a mom of two who is in a committed relationship and who has been flirting with a co-worker, is wondering if that makes her a bad person. Most of her friends say that flirting with a co-worker "is a definite no-no," but Jillian feels that her flirtation is harmless. There's "no touching or sexual advances whatsoever," she explains, and it's hard to end it because it satisfies her need for "a pick-me-up."

Jillian's situation is far from unique among moms. Many Circle of Moms members admit to occasional attractions and flirtations with friends, co-workers, or strangers, and many wonder how and where these innocent flirtations — whether their own or their significant other's — veer into dangerous territory for a couple in a committed relationship.

Here, Circle of Moms members offer three warning signs that an innocent flirtation could become a doorway to heartache and humiliation.

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It's time to accept the cold, hard truth.

I'm not a crafty mom. I'll never be a crafty mom.

One of my goals for 2013 was to actually try some of my pins on Pinterest. I love looking through what other people have pinned, I love seeing good ideas, and I love pinning things of my own. However, I'm not great when it comes to following through and actually putting some of these great ideas into practice.

Therefore, I gave myself a goal. One pin per week.

At first, I was flying. I found several recipes that were hits with my family, from the 10-month-old to the picky 2-and-a-half-year-old to the 30-something husband. I tried a couple of cleaning tips (apparently blue Dawn plus warm vinegar is the cleaning elixir!). I wasn't just meeting my challenge — I was exceeding my challenge.

Then I realized that I had two boards I was great about adding pins to, but those boards remained untried: "Crafts I Can Handle" and "Crafts For the Kids." Hmm . . .

If Pinterest, Facebook, and many, many blogs written by moms are any indication, doing amazing crafts both with and for your kids is the new benchmark. Why spend your money on a bin from the store when you can cover an old diaper box? Why put hair bows in a drawer when you can work together and create a gorgeous hanger? A good mom is a crafty mom. She creates amazing products and engages her children in a wonderful way. They aren't just crafting — they are making wholesome, quality memories.

My toddler is part of an art playgroup. One of my friends has really embraced her inner preschool teacher/wholesome-crafty-mom persona. She gathers a group of 2-year-olds together, and every week we do something different. We paint with pine branches, we experiment with homemade puffy paint, we stamp with muffin tins, and we marble paint with shaving cream. The kids adore it.

I can do that . . . right?

One of the things I realized about myself last year was that stepping out of my comfort zone brings me unexpected joy and pride. Crafts are definitely out of my comfort zone, so it was time to try.

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Love it or hate it, Mother's Day is right around the bend. And because not every Mother's Day is filled with appreciation, handmade cards, and a gourmet breakfast in bed followed by a day of rest and model behavior, we went hunting for some wisdom from Circle of Moms members to help us through the day.

We hope your Mom's Day is perfect . . . but if not, these quotes are for you!

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No one is perfect. Not your kids, not you, and certainly not me. I'm a parenting expert, educator, and coach, and I am not a perfect parent. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. We all make mistakes and have lessons to learn from our experiences in life. Oh, the messes I've made from time to time!

Each misstep in life has a purpose and causes further fallout for us to deal with. Each misstep is a teacher of sorts. No one likes that fact, and every parent forgets it at times. Whether it's due to stress, the fast pace of life, or our own childhood wounds, there are times when we forget that our child is just a child, and has only made a mistake, not committed a crime.

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