As a celibate 29-year-old, communications manager and Glitter and Grace blogger Sara B. (full disclosure: she's also a close friend of mine) gets a lot of questions about why she's abstaining from sex and what exactly that entails. If you've wondered what it would be like to take sex out of the equation throughout high school, college, and the entirety of your 20s, Sara shares nine responses to the FAQs she gets about being a 29-year-old virgin.
1. "Waiting for marriage" is not a doctrine I've blindly followed because I was told to at a church camp in junior high one Summer.
I made the decision to remain a virgin until marriage early on based on my faith and discussions I had with my parents, but continued making this decision due to personal experiences, conviction, and a deep desire to honor my husband and marriage someday.
2. This is not the most important thing about me.
I get that it's a big deal these days to not be having sex. But my identity does not lie in the title "Virgin." Nor does it lie in "Single," "Married," etc. I appreciate being looked at for who I am as a whole human, not for my relationship status or sexual choices.
3. Not wanting to have sex till I'm married doesn't mean I don't WANT to have sex.
Trust me, I'm human and a sexual being just like everyone else. It's hard to wait, but it's not impossible. Choosing to not indulge a physical desire of mine gives me confidence that I am able to exert self-control in other areas of my life as well, and that's empowering.
4. Not wanting to have sex till I'm married doesn't make me a lesbian.
But thank you for offering that possible explanation.
5. No, I do not give hand jobs and blow jobs all the time. (This is in response to real questions I get from people wondering how I keep the guys I'm dating interested.)
The decision to keep sex for marriage wasn't meant to be: "do all the things possible except for the actual act of intercourse." While I'm not perfect, my desire to enter marriage physically pure encompasses more than just abstaining from intercourse.
6. Ladies, if this is a decision you've made as well, there ARE men out there that have made the same one, or if not, will at least respect your decision to wait.
At times it can feel discouraging to hear guys say they could never be with a girl that won't have sex with them (that's OK, that's their right to feel that way), but I promise there are those that will respect your decision, and admire you for the choice you've made.
7. I believe that saving sex for marriage has kept me from a lot of unnecessary pain and heartache.
The relationships where I have been less physically involved were much easier to detach and walk away from than those where my body — and heart — were more intertwined. As someone who easily attaches to my partner in a relationship, I know that introducing sex would have made breakups that much harder.
8. I've learned that expressing your sexuality isn't something that just happens during sex.
My sexuality doesn't have to be suppressed because I'm not having sex. My sexuality is at the core of my existence as a female and is able to express itself through nurturing friendships and relationships, the act of loving and appreciating my body, feeling connected to the people and nature around me, dancing, and so much more. I don't have to sacrifice sensual experiences for celibacy.
9. I'm proud, not ashamed, of this decision.
Even though there are jokes and movies dedicated to making fun of people who have yet to have sex in later adulthood, I'm confident in the choice I've made, and who I am, and love that I have so many friends and family members who support and love me no matter what. Being a 29-year-old virgin isn't all that bad, I promise.