My 5-Year-Old Is Stressed Out, but We're Managing It

Updated on Dec 9, 2015 at 6:16 AM

I used to think that stress was something only adults had cornered the market on. Over the past two months, I had my third surgery in a year, work was crazy, my writing seemed to be at a stand still, and the holidays took full effect.

My youngest son, who is autistic, seemed to be regressing and having tons of bathroom accidents, as well as behavioral outbursts. When we went to the behaviorist this past week I spoke openly about how rough it has been at our home over the past few months. Her response to me actually shocked me. She began to explain to me that my 5-year-old is "stressed out." I let out tiny chuckle and thought to myself, "What on earth does he have to be stressed about?"

Our therapist continued to discuss how kids with developmental delays and especially kids on the spectrum can easily get stressed out during the holidays. On top of my surgery and having out of town guests in our home, my son was regressing at an alarming pace. We discussed tactics to help him de-stress and find his center during the craziest time of the year.

Quiet Time

When my son becomes extremely agitated, I have to intervene quickly to prevent a meltdown. I quickly tell him, "You are not in trouble. We need to have some quiet time." At that point he goes into his room and has to sit quietly for 3-5 minutes. Once he has calmed down, he is allowed to read or play in his room until he is ready to join us again. This gives him a chance to reboot and find some peace. It also gives me some time to stop my head from spinning and decompress.

Take a Breath and Use Your Words

Sometimes the stress becomes like a bomb and he starts to explode. He will begin to stutter and he needs to tell me his thoughts immediately. I will kneel down and get on eye level with him and ask him to breathe. Once he is calm, I instruct him to use his words and ask me his question. I can see relief once the question has been asked. He might not get the answer that he hoped for, but he had the opportunity to ask his question.

Music or Multimedia

My son loves to listen to music and play on his tablet. At the end of the day he is allowed to watch TV or play on his tablet to unwind. He likes to zone out and after a long day I am OK with that. I also like to watch TV for a few minutes before bed, if I can stay awake.

Feeling Upset Is OK

Feelings are difficult to manage. Even adults can't always express themselves in a healthy manner. My son can easily become stressed out when he is feeling upset or angry. I remind him that feeling upset is OK, it is our reaction to the feeling that determines the next step. I remind him that friends and family can make us upset, but he is in charge of his reaction to those feelings.

Calming Words

When my son is right on the edge, I like to put him in my lap and whisper, "I love you. You are just fine. Calm down. I am here." I hold him tight until I can feel him start to relax. Sometimes he fights me, others times he snuggles right back. This one makes me feel better, too.

Stress is not just an adult problem. Kids can have a hard time managing stress and it is our job as parents to identify when they need our help. Stress may be invisible, but it is one of the heaviest feelings on the planet. Take a deep breath and decompress.